


Reason to Live

by Evanna_Adams



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), Supernatural, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-02-10 10:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 60,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18658531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evanna_Adams/pseuds/Evanna_Adams
Summary: Alec has been in love with Magnus since the first time he saw him. He's helped him through all his breakups but seems to be unable to help him break up with Camille. And then he meets Castiel. A man who understands his pain; he's been in love with Dean Winchester since he was fifteen. Now, they find each other. Maybe they can help each other heal. Maybe they'll find love.





	1. It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> I started this two years ago. I couldn't do much during that time but picked it back up recently. I have 35k words already and I'm determined to finish it. I'm putting this up to get some encouragement.   
> I've been in a bad place and the reason this is called Reason to Live isn't for the characters. I do not believe that romantic love is a reason to live. But these characters gave me hope. And if I can convince myself to stay just to write them, I think I'll be okay.

"Hey, do you guys want to watch a movie with us?"

Jace looked over Clary's shoulder and nodded. Shifting slightly on the arm of the couch she was seated on, Clary grinned and nodded too.

"Sure," Simon called out from the kitchen. "And yes from Raphael too." There was a noise of discontent followed by low murmurs.

"Which one?" Isabelle asked, looking up from her phone with a grin.

"I don't know. Whatever you all want," Magnus said, looking over at the only Lightwood left. Alec startled at the stare and shrugged.

"I've seen it," he said, honing his features into a mask of disinterest. It wasn't that hard for him. He had practice after all.

"All the movies?" Magnus asked, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

Alec nodded. "Yeah, all of them."

They stared at each other for a few long moments before Camille moved to sit in Magnus's lap.

"Alright then. It's settled — the movie, now. Let us watch the new Marvel movie. I've heard it's adorable," she said, brightly.

Magnus smiled at her, breaking the stare and nodding agreeably. "Yeah, I've heard the same."

Camille leaned in to kiss him on the lips, and most of the room groaned loudly, except Alec who just looked away. He got up and went over to Simon and Raphael in the kitchen. The two of them were working with dizzying efficiency. Alec felt out of place just looking at them work.

"Uh," he murmured. He cleared his throat. "Do you guys need any help?"

"Oh! Alec," Simon replied happily, looking over at him as he noticed him. "Nah, we got it under control. But you're welcome to stay if you want."

Simon and Isabelle were the only ones who knew about Alec's colossal crush on Magnus. Isabelle understood Alec very well, and Simon was weirdly perceptive about these things. He had been the first one to pick on the crush Ragnor had on Iris Rouse, his neighbour. It had quickly fizzled out when they found dead animals in her garden almost daily. They had been quick to warn the authorities, and Ragnor found a new apartment after vetting his new neighbours properly.

Alec smiled at Simon, gratefully. He leaned against the oak doorframe, looking out at his friends. His eyes settled on Jace who was laughing at something Clary was whispering in his ear. Jace had been adopted into the family when he was ten and Alec was eleven. When he first realised that he liked boys, Jace had been the only boy to crush on. He shone bright like a beacon, enough to garner all of Alec’s attention. When Jace met Clary, a new student at the Hodge Institute, Alec had given them both a hard time. He regretted it for a while, but Jace and Clary were nothing if not clear of heart. They were quick to forgive him. Jace had basically cried out, ‘Ohana’, before tackling him in a hug after Alec apologised for being an ass.

Isabelle caught his eye next as she leaned over to get to the Doritos and sneakily stole the remote, changing the channel while everyone was distracted. She loved watching _The Real Housewives of Idris_ and blaming Simon for getting her hooked on it. Alec remembered the first time he’d held her small form in his arms. She’d just been brought back home, barely two days old and he was three then. His chubby hands were wrapped around her in wonder, already assuming all responsibilities and promising to protect her. He loved her more than life itself. She looked around, apparently aware of his stare and smirked at him, winking. He grinned back.

_Isabelle: 12.56PM:_ ___Do you want me to ‘accidentally’ knock her off his lap?_

Alec laughed softly and shook his head at her. She blew him a kiss before turning her attention back to the television. He looked back at Simon’s whoop. Raphael and Simon were cooking something that most definitely did not require tossing in the air, but that had never stopped them before. After the perfect toss, Simon looked over at Raphael, grinning wide. He rolled his eyes, but a soft smile played on his lips.

Alec still remembered Simon and his first stilted conversation almost seven years ago. They had both started as accounting majors. However, seeing Simon being brave enough to shift to Music, Alec had finally moved to History himself. He loved big books, and he could not lie. Now, he was a Teaching Assistant at the same university, and Simon was in a band. They were mildly successful, doing well with teenagers who were already requesting a tour. Of course, Raphael as their manager was refusing to provide them with the non-existent funds.

Raphael and Simon made an odd pair. They met in college and hit it off almost instantly. There was a lot of eye rolling involved in their relationship, but it was clear as day that they adored each other. It was surprising to Alec that before Raphael and Simon had been together, Simon and Isabelle had dated for a hot two minutes. Well, two weeks. Alec didn’t even have the time to get used to it before the two of them had already moved on.

A loud laugh shook Alec out of his reverie, and he looked over at Magnus.

Magnus Bane. Good God. The man was someone who looked like he’d just gotten off the runway, but with half the effort taken to be on one. He always looked en pointe with reference to fashion. The golden eye shadow melded right into Magnus’s bronze skin, and Alec couldn’t breathe. The silver on Magnus’s black coat caught the light making it shine in his eyes. His gaze was fixed on Camille. Alec swallowed back the green monster and tried to get himself in check.

It was Raphael who invited Magnus to one of the band’s photoshoot attempts and Alec’s crush had only gotten worse from there. At first, he had felt that Magnus felt the same way, but time went on, and Camille came along. Gorgeous with an impeccable fashion sense. Even Raphael admitted that he had never seen Magnus so smitten with anyone.

Which meant he hadn’t been smitten with Alec after all.

Alec swallowed convulsively when Camille kissed Magnus again. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he started, turning to look over. It was Simon holding out a platter of Doritos and dip. He nodded towards the sofa, tugging Alec along. He was grateful for the distraction and smiled slightly at Simon, who grinned back. It was impossible not to like Simon. Not for the lack of trying, Alec hadn’t wanted to. However, Simon wasn’t anything if not persistent. He had wormed his way into Alec’s group without a lot of trouble. Isabelle helped, of course. The traitor.

The time whiled away. Lunch and two episodes of _The Real Housewives of Idris_ later, all except Alec got up to get ready for the movie. Simon and Raphael booked the tickets while Isabelle called the cabs. Alec waved them goodbye at the door, shutting it with a sigh. He was still leaning against it when there was a knock. His heart almost left his body at the proximity of the knock. Getting a hold of himself, he opened the door. For his efforts, he got an armful of Magnus.

He didn’t mind, obviously.

He hugged the man, smiling slightly to himself. Magnus pulled away to look at him, eyes shining.

“I leave for Paris tonight,” he murmured. “I won’t be able to see you for a week.”

He looked so upset with that that Alec’s heart missed a beat. “Oh,” he replied, stupidly.

“I’ll miss you, you giant oaf,” Magnus said with a chuckle.

Alec smiled softly. “I’ll miss you too.”

“Take care of Chairman Meow for me?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, Alexander.”

The way Magnus said his full name did things to him he didn’t want to admit. “You’re welcome, Magnus.”

Magnus laughed and hugged him again, tighter than before and burying his face in Alec’s neck. Alec held him back, matching his intensity. His blood sang with the affection he felt for the man. Magnus finally let go when they heard his name being called.

“Text me when you get there safely,” Alec instructed.

Magnus grinned and kissed his cheek before turning around and leaving. “Bye,” he called over his shoulder.

“B-bye,” Alec stuttered a moment later.

His skin burned where Magnus’s lips had touched it. He was so screwed.


	2. Sliver of Hope and Hype

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Alec and Magnus met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not betaed. I'll edit after my beta responds.

Magnus had been in the last year of college when Alec had met him. Magnus was looking for a senior year project, and Raphael had taken one look at Simon and his band before booking Magnus to change their look. Of course, Clary had come along to take care of the background and cover art. They made an excellent team. Magnus and Clary, both, earned A grades in their projects, setting a high bar for their classmates.

Alec was bored, and he had decided to finally heed one of Simon’s many requests to turn up at his band recitals. He was standing there unaware, watching them work. Simon looked excited about something to do with design and clothes. But Alec hadn’t bothered to pay attention to him. Instead he focused on his book. He liked to study with people around him. He had looked up when everyone started to move towards the door.

He forgot to breathe when he noticed Magnus the first time. Sometimes, even now, he couldn’t believe that someone as amazing and gorgeous could exist. Not only was Magnus physically appealing, but he also exuded a sort of calm and kindness. You wanted to stand near him. You tried to bask in his glory. When you left him, it didn’t feel like you were bereft of something or like something was missing. He added to your experiences. He added to you.

Of course, Alec was a romantic.

“Well, who are _you_?” Magnus asked, eyes fixating on Alec.

He was so surprised by, first, the address, and, second, the intonation that he turned around on his foot, expecting something more interesting to be present on the wall than him. He looked back, a hand vaguely pointing back at himself in askance.

Magnus laughed, and it was the most beautiful laugh Alec had ever heard. Damn. He was definitely screwed. “I’m Magnus. I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced.” He held out a hand covered with bejewelled rings and ornaments.

Alec caught the hand, feeling the cold metal against his skin and swallowing against his dry throat. “Alec.” The man was even more gorgeous up close than at a distance, and that was saying something. That was saying a lot more than the thousand-page textbook heavy against Alec’s free arm.

He heard someone clear their throat and his heart almost jumped out of his chest. Realising that he had been gripping Magnus’s hand for what was definitely a minute over the average handshaking time, he dropped his hand, rubbing his palm over his jean sheepishly. Magnus looked at him, amused.

“Oh, uh... We should really... You know, probably get...” Alec tried, vaguely pointing around.

“Right, of course. Get to work,” Magnus said, a mischievous smile still playing on his lips as he turned around, gracefully.

Magnus walked around, looking around at the room and the band members, assessing the work he had to do. “Normally, I love a dirty lair, but this is one is just sloppy,” he said, looking over at Alec as he stepped on a broken wooden table making it crash against the floor. (It was aesthetic, Simon had told Alec.) Alec swallowed, trying to hide it under a disinterested face. Simon just looked offended.

The rest of the hours passed by with Alec drooling over the way Magnus worked the band and room into something that looked professional and classy. He was something to behold as he worked, changing everything with a flick of his hand and making it possible that it looked even better than before. The band looked terrific at the end of it. While Clary was in-charge of the art, in Alec’s opinion, it was Magnus’s direction that brought everything to life. At the end of it, _The Hotel DuMort_ was adorned in slime green, blood red and black colours. The band members were dressed in the same colours in varying shades. Even their instruments had been repurposed for the photoshoot.

For the first time, Alec could see how hard the band was working as well. Raphael looked excited as well, which was an incredibly hard thing to accomplish. In the two years that Alec had known him, he had never seen the man as much as a smile.

“Alright, that’s it, everyone,” Magnus said, grinning at the last shot. “Let’s get drinks. They’re on Simon.”

Everyone ignored Simon’s complaining as they started to pack up and change. Alec got up, taking it as his cue to leave.

“Pretty boy, get your team ready,” Magnus called out, gesturing.

Raphael started, seeming confused at the nickname. Magnus’s arm on his chest stopped him. “I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to _him_ ,” he said, pointing clearly at Alec this time.

Alec couldn’t hold back the goofy smile that came over his face. He wiped it off, shrugging innocently at Raphael. He gathered his stuff and waited patiently for the rest to get ready, helping where he could. He noticed Magnus looking at him a lot of the times. The beauty of the unabashed stares was that Magnus never looked away when Alec caught him, instead he just smirked, and his eyes crinkled with warmth at Alec. It made Alec’s heart skip every time.

The evening passed before Alec knew, pressed up against Magnus in the cab and then at the bar. He didn’t remember the last time he had laughed so much and been so comfortable in someone’s presence who wasn’t Izzy or Jace. He could almost believe that Magnus would be good for him.

They exchanged numbers at the end of the night and Alec was sure that he would call him. One day.

And then there was Imasu.


	3. And Then There Were None

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter discusses a short look into the psyche of Magnus and Alec's past relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Research papers on my mind, y'all.
> 
> This is in celebration of me finishing the story. I just need to go through what my beta sent me and I will make the necessary edits and soon, I'll be making regular updates. Woohooo. This is very short, I apologise. I'll be making short updates but they'll be super regular, almost daily. So, stay tuned!

There was always someone with Magnus. Well… That wasn’t entirely true. It had been the Spanish musician who made Magnus’s eyes shine just like Alec had believed they did for him. Alec didn’t have to pine for long. He found Raj. Raj was someone studying History in the library late at night too, and Alec had been smitten. It was nothing like Magnus, but well, that was just an infatuation. Or, he hoped it was. It wasn’t like his heart didn’t jump when Raj walked into the room. It was a plie, perhaps, which all ballet dancers would argue was better. (Right?)

It seemed to last forever. Alec loved spending time with Raj, discussing History and their opinions. Raj was brilliant. He had well-structured thoughts and had the facts to back it up. Even though it was stimulating to be in Raj’s presence, Alec realised, in retrospect, that he always felt as though he needed to prove something to Raj. Prove his knowledge. Prove his worth. It was not Raj’s fault that Alec felt insecure around him.

Imasu left Magnus heartbroken within two months, and Alec was there for him, holding his necklaces back when Magnus threw up after one too many drinks. Alec promised not to tell anyone about the times Magnus got himself so ill thinking of Imasu; he didn’t even need a drink to upturn his stomach. Alec’s crush, no, infatuation, took a back burner. Besides, he had Raj who stood by him all through the way. It lasted over a year after the Imasu episode. The reason Raj left him was that Alec couldn’t bring himself to tell his parents about Raj and him. Alec knew Raj was right. The thing that really affected him and left him guilty was that he never tried to fix it. He never tried to stop Raj from leaving. The worst part still wasn’t that. It was the fact that Alec felt relieved when it was finally over. That didn’t mean it didn’t break his heart, though.

Where he had been there for Magnus, Magnus was there for him this time. He comforted Alec, reminding him that he wasn’t a bad person for making mistakes. That he had tried his best and it just wasn’t meant to be. Magnus helped Alec get over his guilt and stood by him when he finally plucked up the courage to apologise to Raj.

Raj was closely followed with Etta. Heartbroken still, Alec hadn’t been able to gather enough of his senses to hate her. She was gorgeous, dark haired and blue eyed. That wasn’t all. Where Imasu had been immature and impulsive, she was calm, collected and wise. She was what Magnus needed, setting his broken heart together. They were good with each other. A small part of Alec had held out hope that he and Magnus might work. However, Etta was the one that brought Alec close to giving up entirely.

So, it came as a surprise when they broke up. It was an amicable breakup. Both parties agreed not to see each other again, and that was that.

“What happened?” Alec remembered asking, following Magnus’s blue gaze on Etta’s retreating car.

Magnus had sighed, turning around to hug Alec. “She wanted a life I couldn’t give,” he had replied simply.


	4. The Road So Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus goes to Paris and DUN DUN DUN a new character is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I still haven't read my beta's notes because real life got me busy yo. But I'll get to them soon. I just wanted to drop a little bit of content here to keep people interested. I have poured a lot of love and thought into this. I hope it gets evident and you guys love it as much as I do.

That was another thing about Magnus. He was tactile. Always touching people in some way. A warm hand on the shoulder for encouragement; a delicate touch on the elbow to get attention; a kiss on the cheek in greeting or farewell. And, Alec’s favourite: hugs. Magnus was a tall man, but Alec was taller.

When Magnus did something, he threw his entire being into it. He ended up heartbroken sometimes, of course. Alec loved watching him, though. The way his entire body moved and his eyes lit up. The way his mind worked and formed ideas and solutions. He was a sight to behold. This should have been proof to Alec that Magnus had never really loved him. A crush, maybe. Lust, sure. But, love, no way. It would have been hard to miss. However, the vain hope perched in Alec’s chest wouldn’t let up. He knew he’d just end up hurting himself.

Magnus. Magnus was worth it, though. He was worth the pain.

That didn’t mean it hurt less when Camille finally came into their life. Magnus met her in a club, and soon they were inseparable. Nobody really liked Camille, but they were better at hiding it than Alec. Magnus adored her, and that was enough for the rest of them. Of course, Alec complained about her behind her back. The only reason he allowed her in his house was that he was wont to hurt Magnus. He had been hurt enough. More than enough. He deserved to catch a break.

~*~

Alec looked up, coming back to the present when there was a knock on the door. His Siberian Husky puppy, who had been asleep all afternoon and evening, came bounding out to meet the visitor, yapping excitedly. Alec smiled, lifting Virginia Woof (Clary’s suggestion) in his arms. The little puppy wiggled in his arms, settling comfortably.

“Hey,” Isabelle said, grinning at Alec and reaching out to pet Virginia Woof.  “I knew it was a good idea to get you a puppy.”

Alec rolled his eyes with a smile and tugged Isabelle inside. “What are you doing here?” he asked, leading her inside.

She stole Virginia Woof from him before they sat down and shrugged. “Magnus left, and I knew you’d be in one of your contemplative moods.”

Alec huffed and got up to get them coffee. “It’s ten at night. I would have just gone to sleep. And I’m fine!” he called back.

She chuckled softly, nuzzling the puppy’s soft fur. “You’re not, and you know it. You would have picked up one of your stupid books and read through the night.”

Alec huffed, ignoring the fact that he had just been thinking of picking up a book before Isabelle came. He knew she was right, but he wasn’t going to give her the pleasure. Taking the coffee back, he settled in beside her, switching the television on.

“Shut up,” he warned before she could open her mouth.

With a laugh, she leaned heavily against him with a sigh, turning her eyes to the television.

All in all, it wasn’t the worst night. Especially after he won his favorite sweatshirt back from Isabelle in a game of darts.

~*~

It was 6 AM when Alec was awoken by the persistent lighting up of his phone. He cricked his neck, groaning as he sat up. He was on the pull-out couch while Isabelle had taken his bed. There wasn’t enough space on his bed without cuddling and it was too hot to cuddle.

He picked up the phone after blinking a few times to bring the world into focus. There were ten new texts from Magnus.

_Magnus, The Great: 5:57AM:_ ___I have landed in Paris. It is gorgeous, Alexander. You have to come with me next time._

_Magnus, The Great: 6:12AM:_ ___I have my luggage and my cat. Chairman Meow is happy that he’s out._

_Magnus, The Great: 6:14AM: By the way, I did bring Chairman Meow with me. I know I asked you to look after him. He looked at me with such betrayal when I was about to leave. I couldn’t do that to him! You know I would never! I’m not a monster._

_Magnus, The Great: 6:23AM:_ ___I’m heading to my hotel to check in._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.25AM:_ ___Alexander, the sights are to behold. Your historian heart and mind would love this. Promise me you’ll come the next time._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.26AM:_ ___I just realized it must be really early there right now. Hope I didn’t wake you up._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.28AM:_ ___Actually, I don’t care if I did. This is worth it._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.29AM:_ ___[Image attached: A stunning view of Paris from the cab with a grinning Magnus and a frowning Chairman Meow on the side.]_

_Magnus, The Great: 6.30AM:_ ___I wish you were here to tell me boring facts._ __

_Magnus, The Great: 6.30AM: I lie. I never find the facts you tell me boring._

Alec’s heart was set to explode. How was he supposed to ignore the amount of love he had poured into their bond. He looked at the picture again and realised that his feelings didn’t matter and deflated. Magnus was someone that he needed in his life. Before his feelings came, came the fact that Magnus was his best friend.

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.34AM:_ ___You did wake me up, but as you said, it was worth it. It is gorgeous, Magnus. I wish I were there with you too. Take care of yourself._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.45AM:_ ___[Image attached: Magnus cuddled up in bed with blankets to his chin and Chairman Meow under his chin.] I need 2000 count sheets, Alexander. They are a necessity._

Alec laughed, grinning at the picture. He was a few of the lucky people who got to see Magnus without makeup. Magnus was not a shy creature, but somehow seeing him without makeup felt intimate. It felt as though Magnus was entrusting him with the power and the knowledge to hurt him. Alec realised that he looked vulnerable without the dark kohl around his eyes. That was far from the truth, though. Magnus was one of the strongest people he knew.

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.47AM:_ ___I expect a souvenir from the Louvre in exchange._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.48AM:_ ___Anything you want, darling. I already know all the things I’m getting you._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.49AM:_ ___You know you don’t have to get me anything, right? Please don’t go overboard._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.49AM:_ __ _I know I don’t have to. I want to. Do I ever._ __ _Okay, bad question. I know what you like, don’t worry. I promise you won’t be angry._ _Much._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.51AM:_ ___What should I do with you…_

_Magnus, The Great: 6.51AM:_ ___Adore and respect me._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.52AM:_ ___Check._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.52AM:_ ___zsdxfcvbv._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.52AM:_ ___Sorry, I was trying to type with Chairman’s little paw._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.53AM:_ ___Go to sleep, you dork._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.54AM:_ ___Never. I’m a young and sprightly man. I’m not tired. I could do twenty pushups right now. Do you want me to do pushups, Alexander?_

_Alexander Hamilton: 6.55AM:_ ___Shut up, dork._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.55AM:_ ___LIES AND SLANDER!_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.56AM:_ ___Then let me sleep in._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.57AM:_ ___You must not miss me as much as I miss you. :(_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.58AM:_ ___*eyeroll emoji*_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.58AM:_ ___You know how much I miss you._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.59AM:_ ___Awww. I really must sleep now, though. I’m not as young and sprightly as previously assumed. Good Night, My Alexander. Sweet dreams._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 7.00AM:_ ___I miss you, Magnus. Sleep well. Have fun and call me if you need anything. Take care._

Alec waited for a few minutes for a reply. He assumed that Magnus had fallen asleep and got up himself. Stretching, he groaned as his joints popped. He needed a better couch. Half of him didn’t get a new couch out of spite against Clary who had been asking the same of Alec since he got the apartment. He loved Clary as a family now, but there had been a time when he had hated her more than anything. He had just needed time to get to know her. (And to not jump to conclusions.)

The fragrance of coffee and the sound of the sizzling bacon woke Isabelle up. She was still in zombie mode before she got coffee inside her. Alec waited for her to take her first human sigh of the day.

“Good morning,” he called to her after she did.

She looked up with a smile. “Good morning, big brother. You’re in a good mood.”

Alec shrugged, going back to the bacon. “Would you like eggs or toast?”

“Eggs. Did Magnus reach Paris safely?”

“Yeah, he texted me.”

“That explains it.”

“Explains what?”

“Your good mood.”

Alec huffed and chucked the bacon off the pan and onto a tray. He set the tray in the middle on the table, heading to the refrigerator to get the eggs.

“I was fine before this.”

“You weren’t,” Isabelle replied, not teasing anymore. “I know it affects you. I know you don’t like seeing him with her. Alec… I know it hurts, but you have to go out with someone. You have to let someone love your heart and soul.”

“Izzy,” he complained, cracking open the eggs over the pan. “I tried with Raj.”

“I know you say that… Alec, I’m worried about you. I know… I mean, you don’t need someone to love you to see that you’re amazing but I feel that dating someone, even if it doesn’t mean anything, would help you move on. I mean you’ve tried everything… And I feel you were the happiest when you were with Raj.”

“You’re single too,” he pointed out.

“And happily so. I’m not saying you have to be in a relationship. I just don’t want you to pine after him. I know you love him. I know he’s amazing. But this is killing you, big brother.”

He shook his head, smiling slightly at her worry. “Thank you, Izzy. I’m fine, though.” He served her the eggs and tapped her head.

She smiled up at him. “Please try.”

He sighed and nodded. “I know you’re right. I just need time, I think.”

Isabelle nodded. “You can take that. Just don’t give up. Remember we’re here for you. Now, would you like to go on a meaningless date?”

“You’re not setting me up with anyone, Izzy,” he groaned, settling down with his breakfast.

“Why not? I have an excellent choice,” she answered bristling.

“Remember Aldertree?”

“That was a mistake! I honestly thought he was a good guy before he tried to get me addicted to drugs,” she defended, waving her hand. “Look, he’s a nice person, okay. You’ll like him.”

“Sebastian Morgenstern.”

“Please, he’s one of those hot bad boys.”

“Izzy, he tried to kill my hamster.”

“I was seventeen! I didn’t know any better.”

“Fine. Who is he?”

“I knew you’d come around-“

“I have not come around to anything. I just want to know,” he objected.

She waved her hand dismissively. “His name is Castiel Novak and he’s got the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. He’s a cardiologist. I’ve been a resident under him once. He’s great. I found out a few days ago that he’s gay.” She held up her phone to show Alec his Facebook profile.

Alec had to agree that the man was very good looking. “How old is he?”

“Around 32.”

Alec nodded, continuing with his breakfast, contemplatively. Isabelle might actually have found someone decent this time. It looked that way from the pictures and bare Facebook profile. He wasn’t much older than Alec, either. Nevertheless, Alec didn’t feel ready yet. He wanted more time before he went out with the man. He wasn’t looking for anything casual.

“So?” Isabelle prompted, grinning.

“I like him. But,” he said, loudly, before she could jump to conclusions. “I need time. Not yet, Iz.”

She sobered but kissed his cheek. “I’m proud of you.”

He smiled at her. “Thank you, Izzy.”

“You’re welcome, big brother.”


	5. Naturally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace has some good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what? I suck at summaries.  
> Also, I really want to go through the edits before posting but validation is a drug and I'm a willing addict. Heheh.
> 
> Oh, and I wrote the part about Excel after my engineering degree. But I can tell you now that in a business degree, they do teach you Excel. HOWEVER, they don't teach you anything useful. It's not like you should learn any useful skills while you study, you know. Ha, fuckers. Go deal with an unrelenting job market with next to zero marketable skills.

“And that is how the Second World War started,” Alec concluded, bringing his hands together. “Any questions?”

The class was already packing their bags, waiting to be dismissed. Alec sighed and held his hands up.

“Okay, okay. You can leave but remember to read the assigned work and submit your essays by this Sunday.” He let his hands down, turning and dismissing them. He started packing his own things, listening to the relieved students leaving. He didn’t understand why so many of them picked History if they didn’t enjoy it.

“Excuse me, sir,” a voice called from behind Alec.

He turned around and smiled at his only interested student. Lydia Branwell. “Yes?” he asked.

“I wanted to ask you if I could pick Pearl Harbor as my thesis topic?”

“Of course. You’ll need to be more specific, though.”

“Yes, sir. I’ve been looking into and I want to compare the fighting styles and the way they have developed from the past.”

Alec nodded, impressed. “That sounds difficult, but I’m sure of your capabilities. I’m always here to help you.”

Lydia smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Professor Lightwood.”

“You’re welcome, Lydia.”

Alec turned back around and picked up his phone. There were five new messages: three from Magnus, one from Isabelle and one from Jace.

Jace and Isabelle’s texts, in the exact shade of sarcasm, said that their parents were expected in town a week later. Alec groaned softly, opening the ones from Magnus next. Magnus had sent him three different images from the runway, making fun of one of the designs and actually appreciating the other two. One of them was a burgundy skin tight cashmere sweater, which Magnus claimed would look amazing on Alec. He didn’t agree, rolling his eyes, and telling Magnus that much. Magnus’s reply was instant.

_Magnus, The Great: 4:13PM:_ ___Oh, please! You look just like the models here. You could carry off most of these clothes._

Alec smiled at the message and remembered all the times Magnus had tried to bribe, guilt and blackmail Alec into modelling for him. He had, obviously, refused every time. There had been a time he could fall for Magnus’s puppy eyes. Not anymore.

Oh, who was he kidding. He would fall for them every time. However, modelling was something he couldn’t do. Magnus had agreed after one drunken night of experimenting and never bothered Alec again. If Alec had stumbled too much on purpose, Magnus was none the wiser. Just the way Alec liked it. In more ways than one.

He was actually surprised sometimes that someone as perceptive as Magnus had not realized that his best friend was pining after him. He had considered the possibility that Magnus just didn’t want to deal with it or, worse, _pitied_ him, but Magnus wasn’t someone like that. He really considered Alec his best friend. Either Alec was a good actor or Magnus just didn’t understand the cues. Not in Alec’s case anyway.

_Alexander Hamilton II: 4.17PM:_ ___Please. We both know I can’t. How’s the trip going? Are you enjoying yourself? More importantly, is the Chairman enjoying himself?_

_Magnus, The Great: 4.25PM:_ ___Alec, a five-year-old model almost tripped. She’s the cutest ever. Do you think Camille will let me adopt her?_ ___And I’m doing so well. It’s going great. Chairman loves Paris and the loft. How’s New York without me?_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 4.27PM:_ ___You can keep her with me, though, I think she won’t mind._ ___Sad and desolate. No parties. We need you, Magnus. Our saviour. Our lifeline._

_Magnus, The Great: 4.28PM:_ ___You’re the best._ ___Aw, darling. I’ll be back soon. Don’t miss me so much._ ___Gotta go. Mingle. See you later, Alexander._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 4.29PM:_ ___Have fun, Magnus. See you too. Take care. Remember to call me if you need anything._

Alec slipped the phone inside his pocket and gathered his things, getting ready to leave for his office. He looked proudly at the plaque that stated his name and his title of assistant professorship. It had been two years and it still made him so happy. After all, it was his first real achievement that had nothing to do with the Lightwood name.

Shouldering the door open, he let it swing shut behind him. He settled heavily in his chair, catching his breath for a minute. He looked around the tiny office with the overflowing but organized desk and the even smaller couch set at the end. Isabelle, Clary and Magnus had tried decorating by adding a few paintings, a rug and other trinkets. Alec agreed that it looked better, but there wasn’t a phenomenal difference. To that, Magnus had reminded him that it belonged to him and him alone, which made it special anyway. And now he just had more things to remind him of why and how much his family loved him. Alec hadn’t been able to hide his smile at that. Magnus always knew all the right things to say.

Clicking his pen annoyingly – oh sue him, he was alone in the office and he liked the sound – he got to work with grading the quizzes. He was glad he had decided to go with a multiple-choice question paper. Checking a subjective history paper written by his students was hell. Only Lydia’s were worth the effort. He knew that she really was interested in pursuing this forward while the rest just wanted the requisite credits. He respected that; he did, but he also staunchly believed in trying to make an effort.

The truth was that having a disinterested class made him feel like a failure. He had never divulged that information to anyone because it sounded stupid even in his head. He sighed softly, looking over the answers again. It just wasn’t their subject, he told himself. They would have been interested if it was. Like Lydia. Besides, those were the kind of statistics he had seen in the past two years and before as a TA and even as a student. Only a few students were ever really interested in such subjects. Shaking the thoughts away, he concentrated on the papers.

His phone vibrated, distracting him again. It was Magnus.

_Magnus, The Great: 4.56PM:_ ___[Image attached: A little girl with bushy hair smiling shyly at the camera.] I found my new muse. She’s the one I told you about. Her name is Madzie. Wanna co-parent her?_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 4.56PM:_ ___Hell yes. She’s adorable, Magnus. I’m sure Camille will let you adopt her if you send her that picture._

_Magnus, The Great: 4.57PM:_ ___Uh huh._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 4.57PM:_ ___What is that supposed to mean?_

_Magnus, The Great: 5.00PM:_ ___She’s not replying to my messages. I’m sure she’s just busy. I’m being clingy aren’t I. Ugh, Alexander. I’ll ruin this too._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 5.01PM:_ ___You’re right. She must be busy. But you listen to me. You are not going to ruin this. You’re amazing and anyone who doesn’t see that doesn’t deserve you in the first place. Magnus, she chose you to date. Just relax and enjoy. I understand the creeping doubt. I know. But you’re strong. And not as stupid as you think. You’re doing fine. She adores you._

Look at him. Reassuring Magnus about someone he didn’t know from Adam. But he knew the way Magnus looked at her. He loved her already and there was nothing Alec could or wanted to do about it. He would support Magnus in anything. He wanted Magnus happy and healthy. It didn’t matter if it was with him or not. Alec was responsible for his own feelings, not Magnus.

_Magnus, The Great: 5.02PM:_ ___I’ve been standing here a full minute looking at your message. I think I’m going to cry. Fuck you, Lightwood._

_Magnus, The Great: 5.02PM:_ ___I love you. Thank you. What would I do without you._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 5.03PM:_ ___Get into illegal trade of cute babies and beautiful artifacts._

_Magnus, The Great: 5.03PM:_ ___Would that make me rich?_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 5.04PM:_ ___Only in money._

_Magnus, The Great: 5.04PM:_ ___Then what’s the point._ ___I’m going to get back to the mingling. Thank you, darling. Miss me._

Oh, he did. He missed him so much. Even if he wasn’t pining after him, Alec was sure he’d miss Magnus. He really was his best friend outside of his family.

Putting his phone down, he forced himself to stare at the questions again. He hated his class so much sometimes. Studying for the Hamilton quiz was the easiest thing they had to do and somehow even then they were getting answers wrong. He growled softly, finally getting into the teacher checking mode.

He was still muttering to himself an hour later as he drew up the award list when his phone started vibrating. He frowned. Why was Jace calling him?

“Jace?” he questioned, answering the phone.

“Alec, I have good news,” his brother replied, voice barely containing the excitement.

A grin spread over Alec’s face. “You got it?” he asked.

“I got it. White Collar department. I’ll be looking into art and theft. Alec! I got it! I finally got it!”

“Congratulations, Jace! You have deserved this. I’m so proud of you.”

“I wouldn’t have done it without you, Alec, my parabatai.”

“Are you ever going to let that go?” he groaned.

“Oh come on! It’s cute. I like it. I want our kids to call each other that one day.”

Alec laughed, warmly. “I’m sure they will. For now, congratulations and I’ll meet you tonight?”

“I’m going out with Clary tonight,” he replied, apologetically. “But! We have to party on Saturday when Magnus will be back, and we’ll celebrate this.”

Alec smiled. “I’ll see you then, Jace. Take care, parabatai,” he teased warmly.

“You too, brother. See you.” He hung up.

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.12PM:_ ___We’ll have to put your artefact smuggling on hold. Jace got into the White Collar department._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.14PM:_ ___THAT IS AMAZING NEWS. CONGRATULATIONS, ALEC!_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.14PM:_ ___Don’t congratulate me! It was all Jace._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.15PM:_ ___Alec, darling, your family loves you and you support them so much. You deserve the congratulations just as much._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.16PM:_ ___You can’t see me rolling my eyes, but I am rolling my eyes._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.16PM:_ ___Thank you._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.17PM:_ ___You’re welcome, Alexander. Also, your face will get stuck like that if you don’t stop. Of course, it won’t be any less attractive._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.18PM:_ ___You come into my house._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.18PM:_ ___Delete your Tumblr._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.19PM:_ ___Never._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.19PM:_ ___Why didn’t you like my latest post?_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.21PM:_ ___I just opened the notification. Like, and reblogged. You’re welcome._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.21PM:_ ___You’re welcome for making your blog more aesthetic._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.22PM:_ ___It’s a Hamilton blog, Magnus._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.22PM:_ ___Your point?_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6.23PM:_ ___That I’m going to get back to work. Bye, dork._

_Magnus, The Great: 6.23PM:_ ___You’re the dork. Bye!_

Smiling was irrational. Really, it was irrational. Alec sighed, his lips still twitching with mirth, and got back to the awards list and Excel sheets. He hated them. Why didn’t anyone ever take up classes for Excel in college? It was an actual skill. He was glad his work wasn’t that complicated. With the grades done and emailed, he shut down his laptop and left the office at a respectable seven in the evening.

The ride home was short and uneventful. He had a sandwich with salad for dinner while watching _America’s Next Top Model_ reruns. A good night message to Magnus and an instant reply along with a picture of Magnus and Chairman Meow put a smile on Alec’s face. Cuddling up to Virginia Woof, it was easy to fall asleep then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I really fucking love Malec. I really do.   
> Let me give you something if you're struggling like I am.   
> Love comes in a lot of shapes and sizes. It comes fast to some and for some it takes time.  
> Magnus puts his love in so many people and so fully. He doesn't stop himself; he's true to his nature. He's honest and open. He gives his heart away easily. That's why he gets hurt often. My loves, it took him centuries before someone actually made his heart feel safe.   
> It's okay. It's okay if you have no one right now. No family, no friends, no significant others. It's okay. Believe in humanity. I've seen it up close and I know that it's mostly sucky but there are so many people trying to be good. Give them a chance. Take your chance.  
> Do good recklessly.  
> And good will come to you.  
> Nothing good gets away.  
> I love you.


	6. The Return of Bane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus Bane returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update. I've not been well.

Not a lot of people called Alec. Maryse and Robert called him once every week to ask after him and his siblings. Jace or Izzy called him when it was absolutely necessary. Simon called him when he had a death wish or couldn’t find some relevant pop culture reference. And Clary called him if he was running late for dinner. Everyone else knew he preferred texting. He could think before a reply. He could take his time and he liked having that option rather than calling others.

So, he was very surprised when Magnus called him on Thursday evening.

“Magnus?” he asked; the surprise evident in his voice.

“Alec.”

And Alec knew with just one word. Something was wrong.

“I need you to breathe with me. Can you hear my breathing?” he asked, softly, breathing in and out slowly. He made exaggerated sounds so Magnus could follow them.

“Alec,” Magnus repeated, sounding even more broken.

“Magnus, where are you?”

“Hotel,” came a small reply.

“I’m coming. It’ll take me a few hours, but I’ll be there,” he said, checking his watch and mentally planning the trip. “You just hold on ti-“

“No, Alec. It’s not… Not that bad. Please just talk to me. I miss your voice.” Magnus’s voice cracked over the last word.

“Hey, I’m right here. I got you, Magnus,” he answered gently. “So, I was teaching my class about the rise of Hitler today and I swear their dick jokes wouldn’t stop. They really shouldn’t name the chapter the rise of anything. It got annoying after a point. I had to give them a lecture about not acting like prepubescents. I felt so bad at the end that I had to crack another dick joke. I can’t scold anyone, really. I need to learn that. But it’s just so hard.”

Magnus chuckled, softly. “Alexander, thank you.”

“I don’t need that. Can you tell me now?”

“I’m scared.”

“The Mighty Magnus is not scared of anything. Besides, glitter solves everything. You taught me that remember?”

Magnus chuckled again, sniffling. “I’m not good enough to be here. My designs are mediocre at best, Alec. I would never be here to present. I don’t even know why I get invited in the first place.”

“Magnus Bane. You listen to me,” he started, passionate. “You are good enough. I remember the first time I met you. You converted the band from being _Champagne Enema_ to _The Hotel DuMort_. You are nothing less of a miracle worker for that. Don’t you ever doubt yourself. Magnus, your designs are amazing. You get called there because your talent is being recognised. Remember the time Vera Wang herself came to your store. Magnus, you are getting noticed. This is just the beginning. You are more than good enough to be there and you will present there one day. Your designs will be on that runway and people will love you.”

The sniffling turned to sobs and Alec’s heart sank. He had messed up.

“I’m sorry,” he said, slowly. “Please don’t cry, Magnus. Look I can be there to get you by tomorrow mor-“

“No,” Magnus replied through his tears. “Thank you. Stop apologising. You’re so good to me. You always know what to say.”

“Magnus.”

“Alexander, please don’t ever leave me. You’re my best friend.”

“Never.”

~*~

The week passed away and before he knew it was Saturday and he was at the airport with none other than Camille. He was mildly irritated with her presence. It had always been his job to get Magnus from the airport since he started flying every damn where for the fashion shows. He hadn’t realised that the duty had to be passed on to the beloved. He gagged internally.

It was his job, damnit!

Camille seemed like she was in a good mood, not paying Alec any attention as they waited. He had tried striking a conversation for Magnus’s sake but it hadn’t really worked so he gave up and just stood by her. She started waving frantically after a minute and Alec’s eyes scanned the crowd, getting more annoyed that it hadn’t been him to notice Magnus first. He was very tall, okay. His eyes immediately caught the green streaked hair and smiled at the man. He looked amazing. That had to be a new green coat. As he came closer, he could read the exhaustion on his face but he looked so beautiful that Alec wanted to cry.

“Hey,” Magnus said, stopping before them. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” he told Camille, hugging her tightly and kissing her.

Alec patiently waited for his hug. He hadn’t seen Magnus in a week and he was ready to crawl up the wall with how much he missed him.

As Magnus parted with Camille, she turned to Alec, “Please help him with the bags,” she said, overly sweet.

Alec ignored her as Magnus made his way to him and hugged him warmly. He smiled to himself when he saw the sour look that she was sporting now.

“Are you alright?” he asked Magnus, quietly.

Magnus looked up at him. “I’m okay now,” he replied, earnestly. “It’s really rattling to see the kind of competition those people engage in.”

“You don’t have to be part of it, if you don’t want to be. You’re Magnus Bane. You pave your own way.”

Magnus beamed at him, reaching up to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Alexander.”

Before Alec could say anything, Magnus was already turning around, chatting about his experience and telling them what he had gotten for each of them. Alec already knew about all the gifts except his, because he had helped Magnus pick them. Magnus had gotten a scarf and pair of heels for Isabelle; a pair of earrings for Clary; leather jacket for Jace; souvenir trinkets and a studded belt for Simon; boots for Ragnor; a waistcoat for Raphael; a dress for Catarina and a gorgeous bracelet for Camille. Magnus had refused to tell Alec about his.

Alec smiled at Magnus’s words, helping him load the luggage into his car. Camille was already in the backseat, turned around to watch and listen to Magnus talk. She had taken a cab there. Alec snapped the bonnet shut, making her start. He hid his smile behind his hand. Magnus was too excited to notice, slipping into the passenger’s seat. He turned around slightly to keep talking to them both as Alec strapped himself in and started the car. Chairman Meow made a purring sound from the seat, settled in his carry cage beside Camille.

They reached Magnus’s loft after a little over an hour. Exhausted, Magnus was now dosing in his seat. Before Alec could wake him up, Camille took the onus. She touched his shoulder and shook him gently.

“Hey, Mags,” she said, softly, leaning forward in her seat.

Magnus woke up with a start, looking around. He laughed softly at his own reaction and looked at the two of them. “Sorry,” he murmured, voice hoarse. He ran a hand over his tired face and started to get out.

Alec smiled slightly to himself, getting out of the car as well and opening the trunk to get the luggage out. He looked over the hood to see Camille leading Magnus inside with Chairman Meow’s carrier hanging from her hand. He could see that both, Magnus and Chairman Meow, were unhappy. Magnus was trying to go come back to help Alec while Chairman was hissing against the mesh of the carrier. He couldn’t make out what Camille was saying but it was something that appeased Magnus enough that he followed (or let her drag him) with an apologetic look on his face. Alec smiled at him reassuringly.

It took him two trips to get everything inside the loft. The doorman, Gabriel, was sympathetic as he helped Alec with the doors and elevator. Gabriel was one of the students at his college, but he wasn’t in any of Alec’s classes. Nevertheless, he had taken to calling Alec ‘Prof’. Alec liked him.

He sighed as he set the last of the suitcases in the living room of Magnus’s Brooklyn loft. He stretched and went over to stand in front of the window that opened up to the skyline of New York. He loved the view from Magnus’s apartment. It embodied exactly who Magnus was: extravagant, open and gorgeous. There was a peace in looking out at the open sky and the buildings and knowing you belonged there. He wished it could be the same with Magnus.

He looked around when he heard a giggle. It was Camille, hanging onto Magnus. She had already divested of her shirt, leaving her in a pale pink bra. She turned coy, noticing Alec, moving to stand behind Magnus.

“Oh,” Magnus murmured, looking embarrassed. “I thought you had left. I’m sorry that you had to bring my entire luggage alone. Let me give you your present at least-“

“Come on, baby. You can give it later. Besides I’m already undressed for you,” Camille said with a pout.

“I’m gay, I don’t care,” Alec started. “And Magnus, it’s okay. Call me later. We have Jace’s party tonight, anyway. I’ll see you then.”

Magnus smiled at him and nodded. “Good bye, Alexander. Thank you for the ride.”

“Bye, Magnus.” He left as quickly as he could.

It was one thing about knowing that someone you loved was getting regular sex. It was a whole other and more painful thing to be part of the foreplay. If he had not liked Camille before, he didn’t like her at all now. He sighed as he drove back to his home. Back to Virginia Woof.


	7. Bad Bad Bitch of the West

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace's party.

Alec met Magnus after that at Jace’s party. He tried not to take it personally that he hadn’t called. After all, he was busy with his girlfriend, who looked like she still wasn’t done. She was latched onto Magnus’s arm, looking at him with a grin. Alec’s heart took a nosedive.

He sighed to himself. He tried not to eye the hickeys on each of their necks. They were hard to miss, though.

Magnus beelined his way towards Alec. However, Camille tugged at his arm, nodding towards the dance floor where Clary, Isabelle and Simon were already dancing. Magnus immediately turned his eyes to Alec, wordlessly begging him to come.

Every time they were at a club, Magnus would get him to dance. Alec always eventually, with a lot of complaining, give in. Magnus’s puppy eyes were a mountain to ignore. Before Magnus could do that properly though, Camille had pulled him away, and Alec was left shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“Hey, so, Luke will soon be my boss. Do you think he’ll treat me like a son-in-law or like… Professionally?” Jace asked, gesturing wildly. He was already drunk.

Alec hid a smile behind his beer. “I’m sure he’ll be professional, Jace,” he assured him.

Jace nodded knowingly. He leaned back further and sighed. “I can’t believe I made it, Alec. I really couldn’t have done it without you, bro. You’re my true brother, brother.”

Alec chuckled at the words and moved forward to clasp Jace’s knee. “It’s all you, Jace. You made this happen.”

Jace shook his head. “Any of us. Simon with his music, Raphael with his managing thing, Izzy with her cardiology, Magnus with his designing and Clary with her art. We couldn’t have done it without you, okay, man?” he told Alec, seriously, close to his face.

Alec smiled at him, despite Jace’s alcohol-rich breath in his face. “You all would have been fine. Besides, I left accounting because of Simon.”

“You’re kidding me. You do know that he got the idea only after he met you, right? He didn’t ever think he could do it before, Alec. You’re like,” Jace gestured vaguely in the air. “Like,” he continued, getting frustrated.

Alec laughed, instead of helping, which just made Jace grumpier.

“Magic!” he cried out, pointing at Alec.

At the same time, Magnus slipped in beside Alec, settling under his arm and pulling it around his shoulders. He rested heavily against his side, looking exhausted. Alec smiled over at him and squeezed his shoulder.

Magnus smiled back and looked at the two men. “What are we talking about?” he asked, glancing over at Camille as she slunk in to sit beside Magnus, maintaining her distance. She looked angry.

Secretly, Alec was happy, but Magnus looked chagrined and confused. Before he could ask, Jace sat up, clearing his throat.

“I was telling Alec how he helped us all _become_ these amazing people and get all amazing jobs. He’s magic, Magnus.”

“He most definitely is,” Magnus agreed, looking at Alec fondly.

Alec reddened but smiled back. “You all are full of shit.”

Magnus laughed and knocked his shoulder against Alec. “We aren’t. Stop being so modest all the time.”

Alec gave a mock long-suffering sigh. “If it makes you all happy, then I’ll agree.”

Magnus laughed and rolled his eyes at him. Camille interrupted his next words.

“ _Darling_ ,” she started, overly sweet. “A minute, please?”

Magnus looked over at her and nodded. “Of course.”

They got up and walked away, just as Isabelle, Clary and Simon returned from the floor. Jace moved to invite Clary, upturning his bottle of beer right in Alec’s lap. Alec jumped up, groaning. After reassuring Jace that he wasn’t inconvenienced, he walked over to the bathrooms, stopping at the door when he heard his name.

“-Alec. You sit with him that way! And I just don't know what to do!”

“Camille,” Magnus began, ever patient and sounding worried.

“No, you don’t _Camille_ me. You go out there and try to maintain your distance with him. I… Magnus, you made me feel like I was not as important!”

“He’s my best friend! I love him! Of course, I like to sit close to him. We’ve known each other seven years, Camille.”

“I thought I was important to you,” Camille said, after a beat, her voice laden with sadness.

“Oh, Camille. You are. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. He’s just… He’s my best friend.”

“Just… Just maintain your distance with him. Please. For me?”

“I… Camille, he-“

“For us.”

“Of-of course.” They were silent for a moment.

Alec heard them coming in his direction, realising that they must have started walking. He quickly went inside the bathroom to not get caught. He got to work on getting his jeans to dry and look slightly more presentable. His blood boiled. How could Magnus even stand her. She was obviously jealous of the closeness that he and Magnus shared. They were best friends. Lovers didn’t make you leave your best friends. Sighing at the wet jeans, he went back to the group.

“It’s unsalvageable,” he told Isabelle, who smiled apologetically at him. She dropped her red jacket in his lap. He smiled, gratefully at her.

Alec looked over at Magnus, sitting beside him, but the other man didn’t meet his eyes. All night, Magnus engaged in conversation with only Camille, his arm around her. He seemed to ignore everyone. The others gave him his space, but Alec was angry. She was stealing a part of their group. Surely, Magnus would see that.

The night passed with Jace being the centre of attention and getting pampered by everyone. He loved being pampered. They all got him gifts; toy guns and other such pranks. Alec got him a toy badge with Jace’s mugshot from when he was seventeen and had just ended up falling asleep at a college party and getting caught. He also got him a tactical knife which he could easily collapse and hide in his sock. Jace was so happy with the other gift that he kissed the hilt and named it Jake Peralta.

The only other useful gift that Jace got was a photo frame with the group’s picture from Clary. Jace named the picture The Gang. (He was very drunk at that point.) Simon got him a CD with his band’s unreleased songs on it. Jace was so drunk that he agreed to listen to all the songs. Magnus had gotten him a studded belt with a bejewelled holster. Jace promised to strip with it for Clary which made her face go as red as her hair. Isabelle was the one who got him a toy gun. It shot out bubbles. Jace promised Clary not to show it to Luke.

What they all weren't expecting, so much so that even as drunk as Jace was also he looked shocked, was Camille handing over a small gift-wrapped box to Jace. He opened it carefully, hands slipping over the paper. They were cufflinks.

“I just thought that you’d have important dinners and you’d have to dress up,” she told him, shyly.

Everyone made agreeable noises, and Jace thanked her. Magnus grinned and squeezed her against his side. Alec remained quiet. He didn’t like her. It wasn’t because of Magnus anymore. Everything she did was fake. He was surprised that no one else could see it. She was trying to win their hearts and succeeding at it. It just made him hate her more.

They decided wordlessly to start leaving when Jace started to tell Simon how amazing he was. They knew that Jace, deep, _deep_ down, had never hated Simon just like Alec hadn’t hated Clary but seeing Jace tell him precisely what he liked about him was jarring. Clary covered his mouth before he could say anything that he’d regret, ignoring Simon’s complaining.

Jace forgot about talking as soon as Clary kissed him and whispered something in his ear. He got up quickly, hugging Isabelle, Alec and Magnus before following Clary to a cab which waited for them right outside. Simon and Isabelle piled into another taxi to leave after the requisite number of hugs leaving Alec, Camille and Magnus.

“I’ll go then. I have a class early morning. Do you need me to drop you anywhere?” he asked, his eyes on Magnus. He’d drive Camille into a ditch if she agreed.

“Uh, no,” Magnus murmured, uncomfortably. “We’ll take a, uh, cab.” He seemed to shudder. Magnus hated cabs. He found them incredibly unhygienic.

Camille smiled beside him, looking like an Evil Ice Queen. Magnus seemed to retract further inside his shell.

“Alright,” Alec replied, his tone making it clear that he didn’t buy it. He waited for Magnus to hug him goodbye.

But Magnus was still deep in thought as he turned around to hail a cab. Alec stared after him, his heart heavy. It was the first time Magnus had ignored him in all the years they had known each other. They were best friends. Even with all that Alec felt for him, he had not expected this ever to happen.

Swallowing thickly, Alec left for home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need some motivation. Please help!


	8. The Evil Ice Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party at Magnus's loft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read the comments and a lot of you are upset about Camille and Magnus. Camille is frustrating, definitely. But what you're seeing of Magnus's behaviour is from the outside. He really loves her and wants to placate her. So, he agrees to her demands. It's an unhealthy relationship. 
> 
> But please hold on. When I meant slow burn, I meant slooooowwwww burn.

A week later, they were all invited to Magnus’s loft for a party. The apartment was thrumming with music when Alec got there. He touched the vibrating door and rolled his eyes. He hated parties. Well, maybe ‘hate’ was too harsh a word. But he had no love lost for parties. He would rather curl up at home with a book or spend time with his family and friends. It was harder to get behind the idea of a sweaty crowd and deafening music.

Besides, there was generally no food.

Of course, Magnus made it easier for Alec to get used to it and on occasion, even dance. So, Alec’s eyes scanned the crowd - there were uses to being as tall as Alec was - for the familiar figure of Magnus. He found him to a side, holding a glass of wine and chatting with Clary and Isabelle. Simon and Jace were in the kitchen, scavenging for food while Ragnor and Raphael stood in the doorway snarking at the two. Catarina arrived with a flute of champagne just as Alec reached the group. He grinned at the group.

“Still hate parties?” Magnus called over the sound of the swelling music. His peacock blue jacket was snug around his waist, and the tight black pants offset his silver boots. He winked a charcoal eyeshadow-ed eye.

Alec rolled his eyes at him and hugged him. Magnus stiffened for a second before hugging him back. The past week had gone by normally. They had chatted on text as they generally did. Of course, Alec could tell there was a distance. Magnus was maintaining his distance as Camille had ‘suggested’, but he was also trying his best not to let Alec see it. Alec loved him for that but wished he would notice what Camille was doing. Nobody should make you feel guilty about having close friends. It wasn’t the jealous part of him talking, either.

“Why the party?” Alec murmured to Magnus, still hanging close to him.

Magnus grinned and shrugged. “Do I ever need a reason?”

“There’s a large banner that reads _Congratulations, Magnus_ right there,” he replied, sarcastically.

“Chairman Meow was happy,” Magnus shot back, defensively.

Alec laughed and knocked their shoulders together.

“I got a big contract. If it goes well, I could be on the Paris runway in a few years,” Magnus told him, barely able to contain his excitement anymore.

Alec stared at him, his mouth moving wordlessly like a fish. He tugged Magnus into a bear hug. “Congratulations!” he told him, pulling away to hold him at arm’s length. “I told you! I told you that you could do it, you doofus.”

Magnus’s eyes shone with unshed tears as he beamed at Alec. “Yeah, well. I couldn’t do it without you, darling.”

“This is all you. How many times do I have to tell you all,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’m so proud of you, Magnus,” he added in a whisper.

Magnus made a dismissive noise, but his eyes said it all. He leaned slightly against Alec’s shoulder and smiled up at him. “You are such a blessing.”

Alec shrugged, blushing.

Magnus chuckled at him, eyes still shining. He shook as a vase fell to the floor. The sound wasn’t loud enough to spread, but it startled the ones around it as was the intention of the culprit. Camille looked up, eyes shining with anger and despair. She gave Magnus one look before turning away towards his room. Magnus sighed, handing Alec his glass before going after her.

Alec looked over at Isabelle who just looked worried. He needed someone to share a what-a-bitch look with him. But nobody seemed to think so. All except Catarina. She shuffled closer to Alec, her tall form against Alec’s.

“She’s playing him like a fiddle,” she spoke, barely over a whisper.

He looked at her. She was a nurse at the same hospital where Isabelle worked.

“All the signs of the beginning of emotional abuse. He’s always known how to pick them.” She sighed, rubbing a thumb over her temple. “I wish he’d listen to me.”

“Have you talked to him about her?”

“I… I tried once… Well, we were younger, and it was just a fling. He never believed me, though.”

“You have to try if he’ll just end up hurt.”

“Alec,” she said softly. “We only accept the love we think we deserve. Perks of Being a Wallflower? Well, I can try,” she acceded. “But he won’t listen to me.”

He bit the inside of his cheek. “We have to try harder. Do more.”

“If there’s anyone in the world he’ll believe, it’s you.” With that, she turned away to join Ragnor and Raphael.

He watched after her, mulling over the words. Camille was determined to push them away. He knew why she was pulling the stunt. It made him so angry. Besides, that was one of Magnus’s favourite vases.

The party continued without Magnus or Camille. It took them half an hour to make it out. They were smiling, and Camille hung against Magnus’s arm, grinning at him. What hurt Alec was that Magnus didn’t talk to him all night. He made it so that they never had to come across each other. Alec was about to leave around midnight when Magnus cut off the music.

“Party’s over,” he called out, authoritatively.

It was chaos after that. Groaning, whining the crowd left the loft, leaving only Magnus and his friends behind. Alec really wasn’t sure why he was still there. Maybe he was hanging onto hope.

“Okay, it is time for presents,” Magnus told the stragglers.

Magnus had never been able to give them the presents from Paris. He went inside his room to bring them out. Isabelle screeched at the scarf and the heels.

“They must have cost a fortune. But you remembered!” she screamed, hugging Magnus and trying to change into the black Balmains at the same time.

Clary and Jace were already wearing their gifts and appraising each other. Clary especially seemed to like the leather jacket if one was to go by the blush that was high in her cheeks. She couldn’t stop running her hand over Jace’s arm, appreciatively. Simon gave the belt one look and grinned wide, giving Magnus a high five. He’d wanted to try it for the band. He promised to set the souvenirs on the dash of the car.

Ragnor sighed at his boots and refused to wear them. “Magnus, stop trying to get me to wear green.”

“But you’d look so good,” Magnus whined.

Ragnor sighed again, rubbing the bridge of his nose before wearing the shoes just to appease Magnus, who beamed at his oldest friend.

Raphael just stared at the waistcoat. “It’s a three-hundred-dollar _waistcoat._ Are you as stupid as you look?”

“Excuse you,” sniffed Magnus.

“You’re an idiot,” Raphael replied, rolling his eyes and holding the piece of clothing closer to his chest.

“You’re welcome,” Magnus said, grinning.

Catarina swirled out the bathroom, dressed in her new dress and looking more glamorous than ever. “Thank you, my dear,” she told Magnus, kissing his brow. Magnus hugged her tightly.

Alec noted that Camille didn’t throw any other vases to the floor at that. As he looked at her, he saw the new bracelet glimmering around her thin wrist. It was gorgeous. Unfortunately, it looked even better against her pale skin.

Finally, it was Alec’s turn, and he expected to be turned down, but Magnus padded over and handed him a small box with a shy smile. The box was small but heavy.

He unwrapped it carefully and gasped. “Magnus,” he murmured, looking up at him and then back down at the book.

“Look at the cover page,” he said softly.

Alec eagerly opened the old book. There were short inscriptions around the title in French and right under it and above the author’s name was the author’s signature.

> _Alec,_
> 
> _I’ve heard great things about your writing skills. I hope to read them one day._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _J. M. G. Le Clézio._

“How?” Alec asked, barely able to control his tears.

“I had to pull some strings, but I was able to- oh.”

Alec couldn’t help it. He had to hug Magnus for this. However, feeling that Magnus couldn’t, or rather, wouldn’t reciprocate, Alec finally had to let go.

“Thank you,” he told him with all the feeling he could punch into the small phrase.

Magnus’s smile was everything. Alec could forget what Camille had done just because of that smile. Magnus turned away, walking back to stand beside Camille but the smile remained, and Alec looked over Catarina. He wanted to tell her how precious the man was. How important it was to protect him. She seemed to understand because she nodded.


	9. A Wild Angel Appears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These people party too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I can't do titles but I want to.

With Camille in the picture and Magnus MIA, most plan ideas fell upon the shoulders of Isabelle. She was generally busy, so they were becoming harder to arrange. Hence, it was a surprise when Alec got a text that they were all meeting at a club that night. Knowing that he was done with all his work and would have spent the next few hours trying to decipher the French in his new present, he decided to go to the club instead.

He reached unfashionably late, which was earlier than everyone and still a half an hour later than the time they had decided upon. He settled on a couch with enough space around him for the others. That’s when he saw him.

He was a tall man, though significantly shorter than Alec. Dark hair and dazzling blue eyes, a few shades darker than Alec’s, he stood at the bar, leaning against it. For some reason, Alec kept getting the feeling that he had seen the stranger before. The man smiled politely at the bartender as he accepted his drink. He looked at the drink as though it was the first time he saw one. As though accepting his fate, he took a deep sip and immediately cringed. Following it with a long and deep breath, he looked around.

Alec and the stranger’s eyes met. He smiled at the man who blinked back, looking surprised. He hesitated before smiling back and raising the drink to his lips again. Scrunching his nose, he tried to hide his disgust. Alec chuckled to himself, nodding his head awkwardly towards the empty seats around him. He hoped he didn’t look creepy. He probably didn’t, he realised, as the man made his way closer to Alec and gingerly sat opposite him.

“Hey,” Alec murmured. “What do you have there?”

The man looked down at his drink. “I was trying one of those beers. The brewed ones.”

“I’ve always hated them,” Alec confessed, shrugging. “I prefer sticking to hard drinks or normal beer.”

He nodded and then looked up with a kind of guilty face. “I don’t drink much. My friend,” he hesitated at the word. “Introduced me to it actually. He was the one who took me out. But, well, he’s busy with his family.” He shrugged. “I rarely know what to get.” He set the drink on the table between them.

“We could try some horrible shots together,” Alec suggested.

The man chuckled and shrugged. “Sure, why not.”

The half-hour that it took for Alec’s friends to get there, he spent talking with the stranger and ordering shots. The man was fascinating and looked well read. They indulged in idle chatter, discussing the shots and swapping book titles to talk about. At some point, the man moved to sit beside Alec. They’d had six shots, and both of them were tipsy - Alec would never admit that he was almost drunk.

“So, what’s your name?” Alec finally asked, a grin on his face, half brought on by the alcohol and half by the company. The man had read _Tell the Wolves I’m Home_. He was basically perfect.

“Dr Novak!” a voice called out, shocked and very familiar.

Alec looked over at Isabelle, standing over him and smiled at his sister. The smile started to fade as he realized what she’d just said. He flipped back to look at the man. Oh. _Oh._ It was Castiel Novak. _The_ Castiel Novak whom Isabelle had wanted him to meet.

Castiel looked sheepishly at her and stood up to shake her hand. “Good evening, Dr Lightwood,” he replied, looking soberer than a few moments ago.

Isabelle shook his head, a little taken aback. “What are you doing here?” she asked. Realising how blunt that sounded, she added, “With my brother, I mean.”

“Ah, I understand the familiarity now. We just met,” he informed her, holding his hands apart.

While they looked at each other awkwardly, Alec took his time to watch the man. He was lean but muscled in all the right places. He had a square stubbled jaw and really nice-looking lips which Alec’s woozy mind wanted to kiss. He had amazing hands too; Alec realized as the man moved them again to reply to something that Isabelle had said. He finally settled down beside Alec again, looking incredibly awkward.

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” he murmured, sounding self-conscious.

“You’re not. I invited you,” Alec replied.

“Wow, my brother has grown up,” Isabelle commented before walking towards the bar to order something for herself.

They only had to awkwardly sit for a few seconds before the rest of the group showed up. Castiel stood up and introduced himself to them as they came and shook their hands. He was so well mannered, Alec thought, following him with his eyes. The last ones to arrive were Magnus and Camille.

“Hello, Alexander and oh, who’s your friend?” Magnus asked, a smile in place and Camille right beside him.

“Hey, Magnus,” Alec replied, inclining his head to look at him. He suddenly felt inexplicably defensive of Castiel. “He’s my friend. I just found him here. At the bar.”

“Alexander,” Magnus murmured, a hand over his heart. “Picking people up at the bar. Oh, how they grow.”

Alec rolled his eyes, at least he hoped he did. “He’s not people. He’s Dr. Castiel Novak, a cardiologist.”

“Thank you for the vote of confidence, Alec,” Castiel said, sheepishly, holding his hand out towards Magnus.

Magnus looked at the extended hand, surprised. He took it with a smile. “Magnus Bane. Alec’s best friend.”

“Castiel Novak. I just met Alec. I’m afraid we’ve had a bit much to drink. Anyway, I wouldn’t want to impose. I should be on my way.”

“No, stay,” Alec said, catching Castiel around the wrist. “This was fun. You won’t be imposing really.” It was the liquid confidence talking. Alec Lightwood would never do that sober.

Castiel smiled finally and nodded. “Alright, if you insist.”

Magnus watched their exchange, wide eyed. Alec caught him looking and blinked slowly at him. That seemed to spur him in response as he tugged Camille to sit on the other side of Castiel. Alec pulled at Castiel’s sleeve, wordlessly asking him to sit down again. He complied, sitting rigidly straight.

“So, Dr. Novak? What specialisation?” Magnus asked.

“Cardiology,” Alec replied from behind Castiel, his head lolling back slightly.

“Yes, I took it up in college after my… Friend’s brother had some troubles with his heart. Sam. He’s great now. But I wanted to have that… Skill, I think you could say. The knowledge to help someone with their heart.”

Maybe he could heal Alec’s broken heart.

Magnus watched on. If Alec hadn’t known him for seven years. If he hadn’t been so attuned to everything Magnus, he would never have noticed the momentary flare in his eyes or the twitch of his lips. Jealousy. Why would Magnus be jealous of a cardiologist with no sense of fashion?

“That’s amazing,” Magnus admitted finally.

“Ah, I just got lucky.” Castiel was so sincere and angelic that Alec wanted to kiss him right there. “What do you do, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“I’m a designer,” Magnus replied. “I run The Warlock’s Knit Wit.”

“Ah, I’m sorry I don’t know anything about fashion.” He shrugged.

“I could fix you up with a brand-new wardrobe, darling.”

“I think I’m-I’m okay,” Castiel admitted, shrugging a little.

“Do you want to get another shot, Castiel?” Alec asked, sensing Castiel’s discomfort.

“Ah su-“

“You’re not having any more, Alexander,” Magnus told him, sternly. “You’re well on your way to drunk. And I’m not having you call Raj tonight.”

Alec huffed. “I’m not going to call Raj. Come on, Castiel,” he said getting up. He reached for Castiel’s shoulder for purchase. He was drunker than first assumed.

“I really think we should-“

“Okay, then. We’ll get me a water.”

Castiel nodded, leading him towards the bar and ordering two glasses of water.

“You like him,” Castiel murmured after a beat.

“What?” Alec sputtered, accepting the cool glass of water.

“You like Magnus. There’s no shame in it, Alexander.”

Alec shrugged, taking a long sip from the cup. He felt a little better. “Yeah, it doesn’t matter.”

“Dean Winchester. Sam’s brother. I’ve been in love with him since I was fifteen. We’ve almost kissed thrice, actually kissed once and we’ve fought over this… Ah, twenty-six times. He’s dating someone he might get married to. Never actually told him in words, but, uh… I think I’ve made myself clear.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, his heart clenching for the man in front of him.

“You don’t have to be. If there’s anyone who understands, it’s you.” He smiled softly.

“I do,” Alec acknowledged.

“Do you… Uh, would you like to get dinner with me?” he asked suddenly, a blush creeping over his high cheekbones.

Alec hid a smile behind the glass. “I’d like that.”

“There’s an Indian restaurant a couple of blocks away. I could pick you up?”

“Alright. I’m free on Wednesday next week.”

“I can manage that. Eight?”

“That sounds great.”

They smiled at each other, both shy and awkward. They knew where they stood which had never been the case before for Alec. This was a first where someone knew exactly where his heart was. Maybe they could help each other. Maybe it was time to move on.

“Let’s get back to your friends?” Castiel suggested, shyly.

“Ah, yes. Friends,” he said, setting the glass back on the bar, his brain a lot sharper now. “Isabelle is my sister. Jace is my adopted brother. Clary is his fiancée of… Three years. They can never decide on when to marry. Simon and Raphael are friends from college. Magnus is, well, Magnus. He’s Raphael’s oldest friend. Ragnor and Catarina are Magnus’s oldest friends.”

Castiel nodded, absorbing the information. “Thank you, Alexander. It’s good to finally know who they are.”

“You’re welcome.”

Taking their seats, they looked around at the loud group. They were in the middle of a discussion about the _Real Housewives of Idris._ Isabelle had somehow gotten everyone addicted to the show. Even Raphael had an opinion.

“I really don’t think Lucas should ask the Fairchild to marry him,” Castiel added.

The entire table fell silent, staring at Castiel. He squirmed under the scrutiny suddenly uncomfortable.

“Dr. Novak! I must agree with you,” Isabelle chipped in with a grin.

Alec gave her a warm smile, grateful for her. The chaos reigned again and Castiel didn’t pitch in this time, letting them talk among themselves. Alec and he remained quiet, just enjoying each other’s company.

At the end of the night, they exchanged numbers before going the opposite ways. Alec didn’t stay back to say goodbye to anyone. Mostly, he didn’t want to face Magnus. Meeting Castiel… It was different. There was an instant connection which Alec couldn’t deny. He guessed it was the unrequited love connection.

That was too cynical though. Maybe they could just understand discomfort acutely. And that drew them together for quiet chatter and no expectations. Alec wanted to think of it as a good thing. However, how could he do that when he felt so damn guilty. He couldn't even face Magnus.

He realized with a punch to the gut as he stopped in the motion of opening the door of his car. Moving on meant leaving his love for Magnus behind. He had loved Magnus for so long that it had become a part of his existence. How was he supposed to leave that behind when it felt so much like leaving Magnus behind. The logical part of his brain understood that moving on would not mean not loving Magnus as a friend. But how could he tell that to the irrational part which was so very scared of losing his best friend.

He turned around, breaths coming in pants, eyes searching though for what he had no idea. The silver tassel on someone’s coat caught his eye and he was moving before he could think. He touched the man’s shoulder.

It was not Magnus.

“Sorry,” he murmured, dropping his hand. “I thought you were a friend.”

The man rolled his eyes and turned on his heel.

A finality settled in the pit of his stomach and he traced his way back to the bar. His friends had left already. He found a place at the bar. If he couldn’t decide, he wasn’t going to leave enough space or consciousness in his brain to think. That was his last rational thought before he upturned a tequila shot down his throat.


	10. The First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is sad, but then a wild Cas appears at his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, GUYS. I read every comment in the morning before I go kill myself in tennis. So, because I love you, I'm giving you a long chapter (I mean relatively) WITH the date. Hehehehehehehehehehe. Enjoy.

Everything was pain. The light, the soft panting noise that Virginia Woof was making and the sound of his phone vibrating. He hated it. He hated everything. With a groan, he pushed the puppy away from his face and tried to fall back asleep. He wasn’t ready to face the world yet. When his phone started vibrating afresh, he finally picked it up and tossed it in the direction of his laundry basket. If the sound was anything to go by, it had reached its target with a soft thump.

The puppy barked and jumped off the bed to bring Alec back a very, very saliva rich phone. It was a good thing that his phone was waterproof, his hungover brain considered.

“Hey, little pupper, bring me an aspirin,” he murmured into the pillow after accepting the phone.

Steeling himself, he looked at the phone, grimacing at the brightness. It was Isabelle. He swiped down the notification bar. There were more texts and missed calls from his brothers and sister. He sat upright when he realised he had missed his alarm. His head swam but he had no time for that. Complaining under his breath, he stumbled his way to the bathroom to start feeling human again.

He still didn’t answer his calls.

An aspirin, a shower and a coffee later, Alec could claim he was human. The clarity wasn't welcome though. He didn’t appreciate the thoughts that came with it. He didn’t appreciate the way he felt still and how hard his heart hurt at the thought of not seeing Magnus’s smile.

Waiting for his morning class to show up, he had no other option but to check his phone. Isabelle had called him twice and Jace had called him once. Frowning slightly and for the first time considering the possibility that it was something serious, he checked his messages.

_Isabelle: 7.25AM:_ ___Magnus asked Camille to move in with him last night after you left._

_Jace: 7.43AM:_ ___Dinner at Clary’s and mine to celebrate another couple trying to hitch. On Thursday. Be there or be square._

_Isabelle: 7.45AM:_ ___I’m worried, big brother. Are you okay?_ ___Please tell me._

_Isabelle: 7.47AM:_ ___Please call me._

_Isabelle: 8.26AM:_ ___Alec!_

_Isabelle: 8.34AM:_ ___You’re scaring me, Alec._

_Magnus, The Great: 9.53AM:_ ___Who is the Castiel guy?_

Alec stared at the messages. It was done. There was no decision to be made. There was no fear in Alec. Just numbness, as he texted Isabelle an apology. He was an idiot to think that it would be his decision to make. How naïve of him to even begin to consider himself as the decision maker.

Magnus had made the decision already. He chose Camille, whether she asked Magnus to stay away from Alec or not. No matter what. He loved her. Magnus was nothing if not loyal and if he was going to leave Alec behind for Camille… He must have loved her more than he ever had or could love Alec.

Swallowing back bile, he looked up at the slowly filling class with a smile.

“How is everyone today?” he asked, politely, powering up his laptop for the presentation.

Ignoring the scattered replies, he dove in into the topic.

~*~

Wednesday comes sooner than expected. Alec spends his days - and nights - working on his classes and a new research proposal. He brought up everything that he had wanted to do in the past few months but hadn’t found the time to. Now, with his sleepless nights and a weight on his shoulders, he decided he had to make time for it. He dove into work without thought or care.

So, when Wednesday sneaked up unexpected and there’s a knock on the door, Alec startled. He opened the door to a dressed up Castiel in his pajamas; his hair a mess. Numerous apologies later - all of which were brushed off by Castiel, Alec asked for a few minutes to get dressed.

“Actually, we could stay in, if you wanted,” Castiel suggested, holding out the sweating wine bottle he had been holding for a good five minutes since he came in and sat down.

As if just remembering he had it, he also held out the Lily-Of-The-Valley bouquet, shyly. Alec took it with redness spreading over his cheeks. He stared open mouthed at the flowers and then back at Castiel who was fidgeting in his seat.

“Nobody’s brought me flowers before,” he blurted out.

Castiel looked up. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just saw them and my brother, Gabriel runs a bakery alongside our cousin, Anna. Anna runs a florist shop and she suggested these after I described you. It seemed like a good idea at the tim-“

“Thank you,” Alec said, sincerely. He smiled sweetly at Castiel who smiled back. “I like them.”

Alec turned around, humming softly and set the flowers in a vase outside the kitchen. He turned the wine over in his hands and looked over at Castiel.

“You got dressed up,” he murmured apologetically. “I’ll get dressed. This doesn't seem very fair.”

“It happens to the best of us,” Castiel replied, shaking his head. “You were busy.”

 _I was ignoring my feelings._ “Yeah… I’m sorry, anyway. Did you get any reservations?”

“That’s no problem.”

“Shit, I’ll be ready in two minutes, I promise,” Alec murmured, guiltily.

“Alec, we really don’t have to go out,” Castiel assured him, walking closer and taking the wine from his hands gently. Alec realized he had been fidgeting with the bottle.

He smiled, awkwardly and gestured at the counter. “Castiel, I promised. I will be ready in one minute.”

Setting the bottle carefully on the granite, he turned around and smiled. “Alright.” He seemed a little relieved.

Alec felt horrible for making him second guess himself. This wasn’t Castiel’s fault. “I was… I… I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry. This isn't because of you. I’m an idiot to have forgotten this, but… You’re not forgettable, Castiel, I promise.”

Castiel smiled, ducking his head and shrugging. “I should have called or messaged,” he admitted, looking up. His blue eyes were clear and earnest. “Your sister, Isabelle. She gave me your address, so I took a chance.”

“I’m glad you did.” With that, Alec turned around and went to his room to get ready.

_Big Brother (Always Watching): 7.57PM:_ ___Quick. What do I wear for a date with Castiel?_

_Isabelle: 7.58PM:_ ___Oooooh. Wear your dark blue button up with that stormy grey checked blazer and grey pants._

_Big Brother (Always Watching): 7.58PM:_ ___You’re a saviour._

_Isabelle: 7.59PM:_ ___Best of luck! Tell me how it goes._

Alec smiled and tossed his phone to the bed and started getting ready. He stared at the mirror, admitting that he looked great. He trusted Isabelle, but he wasn’t ever sure of what to wear. The combinations that his sister (and Magnus, he thought with a stab of hurt) suggested always seemed to work great. Slipping on his leather boots, he went to the living area.

Castiel looked up, blinking at Alec. “You’re a very good-looking man, Alec,” he said, soft and blunt.

Alec liked this. He liked the simple and honest way in which Castiel handled his words. The way he said what was on his mind with such clarity and never an unkind word. His heart shone through every word and Alec would be lucky if he fell in love with this man. He hoped that the stars aligned, even if they hadn’t for someone else.

“Thank you,” he replied, abashed. “You look amazing as well.”

He gave Castiel a once over, eyes roving over his plain white button up and form fitting navy pants. His light blue waistcoat seemed to bring out his eyes perfectly. Stars, Alec thought, could screw themselves. This man was amazing and gorgeous. He was just what Alec needed and he wasn’t going to let destiny or the past ruin this. He wouldn’t repeat his mistakes.

“Ready?” he asked as Castiel rose and they shared a smile.

The trip to the Indian restaurant, _Aao Ji,_ was a short one. It was a high-end restaurant with warm interiors that complemented the splashes of bright red and orange flooring. The maître d’hôtel showed them to their reserved place.

“This is gorgeous. How did you find it?” Alec asked, taking a seat which Castiel had pulled out for him.

“Ah, my brother is a fan of all cultures and my other brother is a fan of all foods. Balthazar, the first one. He found a waitress… And, well, a waiter. Gabriel, on the other hand, found the food.” Castiel shrugged with a self-deprecating smile.

Alec laughed softly. “They both sound like versions of Jace. Before Clary, of course. He barely looks at anyone else now. Though he is disturbingly sure of himself.”

Castiel chuckled in response and looked up to smile at their waiter for the day. Garth was a tall, gangly man who grinned lopsidedly at them. Handing them the menus, he waited patiently for their orders, seemingly phased out.

“Uh, I’ll have a rava masala dosa with coconut curry and some of the buttermilk. Sweetened,” Castiel ordered, without bothering with the menu.

“I’ll, um, what’s good here?” Alec asked Castiel.

“Well, what have you tried before?”

“Not a lot. Mostly the curries and breads. Rice.”

“How about fish and lentil and bread, then?”

“Sounds great.”

Turning to Garth, Castiel added, “Amritsari macchli, dal makhani and naan bread, please.”

Garth popped his gum and nodded, humming to himself as he noted down the order. He left without a word.

A lull fell between the two men, each staring at the tablecloth. The comfortable chatter pre-Garth seemed far away. They stuttered out topics, but nothing seemed to stick.

“How’s Isabelle?”

“She’s doing well. She loves her job and the residency. She’s hoping to get something more permanent soon.”

“She’s smart. I’ve worked with her. She’s a delight.”

“I’m sure she is.”

“It’s refreshing to see someone else just as obsessed with their siblings.”

Alec laughed and nodded. “Co-dependency?”

“Well.” Castiel smiled, shrugging slightly.

They fell quiet. Alec sipped at his water.

“Which Disney movie would Rick Astley never let you borrow?” Alec blurted out.

Why was he an idiot. Why. Was it an affliction. Castiel was going to walk away because Alec was an idiot. He was a horrible, horrible person who deserved to die alone. Really. Who’d put up with this.

“Uh,” Castiel murmured, his brow furrowing. He cocked his head to the side, deep in thought. “I don't know.”

He is adorable, Alec thought. And sincere. Alec didn’t deserve him. “Up. ‘Cos he's never gonna give you up,” he explained, lamely.

Castiel almost spilled his water, staring at Alec and then the most glorious thing happened. He laughed out loud. It was beautiful and Alec loved it. He couldn’t help but crack a smile at the laughing man.

“That was a good one,” Castiel told him, wiping the side of his eye. “Uh, what did the buffalo say to his kid on the first day of school as he left?”

“Well. Take care, son?”

“Bison.”

Alec snorted inelegantly and set his hand down on the table. “Okay. What did the cell say to his sister who stepped on his foot?”

“I know this one. It’s a science joke. My-toe-sis. Mitosis.” Castiel cracked a wide, proud grin.

Alec couldn’t help but grin back. “What made you pick medical in the first place?”

Castiel hummed, thoughtfully. “I always enjoyed Biology as a subject. I realized that I wanted to pursue it as more than a school subject. Besides… Well, it is kind of lame, but my mother always called my hands healing hands. Of course, I didn’t believe her, but it put the idea in my head. I guess I wanted to make her proud.”

Alec smiled at him. “I’m sure she is.”

Castiel ducked his head, smiling at his empty plate. “So, what about you?”

“Me? Why I went for History and teaching?”

“Well, I didn’t really know what you taught but yes.”

“What? Izzy didn’t tell you?” he teased.

Castiel laughed softly. “She just mentioned her very cute college professor brother.”

“Hardly,” he said, chuckling. “Well, my parents run _Lightwood Enterprises_. We’re rich. They wanted me to go into Business. I did go for it for about a year. I made a friend, Simon. He was with me doing Accounting. But we both didn’t like it. He made the decision to go for Music the next year and seeing him,” he shrugged. “I just got the strength to go for it too.”

Castiel smiled at him. “I’m glad you went for it, Alec.”

Alec shrugged, abashed. “I’m glad I did too.”

“Here’s your food!” Garth announced regally, setting the plates down rather expertly.

Castiel and Alec moved backwards together, surprised.

“Uh, thanks,” Alec told the man.

Garth continued to stand there, looking at them. Castiel bit into his food, awkwardly and smiled gratefully at Garth. That seemed to appease him. Nodding to himself, he walked away. Castiel and Alec shared a look before breaking out laughing.

“Bison,” Alec repeated, slightly hysterical.

That cracked Castiel up further.

The date whiled away with more questions about each other’s families and friends. Alec finally found out about the Winchesters. Dean and Sam were in Castiel’s school for about six months before their family moved away. They had lost their mother when Dean had been four and since then, their father kept moving from town to town. The man had a temper and didn’t make friends. He didn’t keep the few who really cared about him and the boys (mostly the boys). So, they had to leave. Castiel had thought that they would never meet again, but they hadn’t lost touch since they were thirteen. They became best friends.

“I think one of the biggest reasons Dean and I remained friends was that Sam and I got along. Dean loves his brother. Practically raised him after their mother passed away.” Castiel shrugged, looking lost in thought. He looked up and then cracked a self-deprecatory smile. “I’m sorry. I do that sometimes.”

Alec shook his head. “I understand.” He didn’t say anything else, mulling over all that he knew now. He didn’t need to say much.

“Anyway, what started out as a MySpace friendship continued to the point where we ended up in the same city. I mean we planned that. While I was in college studying medical and trying to figure out a major, Sam got sick. He got really sick. We were all worried, but we managed to scrounge up the best help for him. He pulled through but that really changed me. I love Sam like a brother. I’m closer to him than I am to my own brothers. He knows everything about me and losing him… I couldn’t imagine that. So, I decided that my major was going to be cardiology.” He smiled.

Alec smiled back, taking Castiel’s hand in his. It wasn’t conscious thought that went behind twining their fingers together but now that he had done it, it felt natural. They kept holding hands throughout dinner till the dessert. Castiel insisted on dropping Alec to his home.

“Would you like to come upstairs?” Alec asked, standing awkwardly on the pavement.

Castiel looked up at Alec, the light catching his blue eyes. Alec held back a gasp. He was beautiful. Castiel was gorgeous and angelic. He was everything that Alec ever desired. When he smiled at Alec, his heart skipped a beat. He felt something that he hadn’t in a long time.

“I would. I really would, but I have a resident joining tomorrow early morning and I want to be there for him.”

Alec nodded understandingly and smiled at the man. “Thank you for the date and for dropping me back. I had a lot of fun.”

“I did too. I hope we can do this again.” There was a questioning but hopeful note in his voice.

“I’d love that.”

Castiel grinned in response and it felt like the sun had parted stormy clouds.

Alec waved as Castiel drove off. He had barely closed the door behind him when it rang. He held the ringer to enquire who it was.

“It’s, um, me,” a rough voice answered.

“Castiel?”

“Yes.”

“Come on up.”

Alec buzzed him in and unlocked the door. He restlessly waited at the foyer. There was a knock and Alec opened the door, somehow sensing the urgency from just a knock against the wood.

The door opened and Alec got an armful of Castiel. His lips found Alec’s and they kissed. It was electric. There was something undeniable between them.

Castiel pulled away first, looking at Alec. He was out of breath and his reddened lips looked beautiful. “I… Uh, I have no excuse. I just wanted to do that.”

Alec laughed and tugged him into another kiss. This time it was Virginia Woof that broke them apart with her curious nose bumping against their ankles. Alec laughed, lifting her in his arms and smiling shyly at Castiel who smiled back just as shy. He reached out to pet the puppy and then cupped Alec’s cheek, kissing him again, soft and sure.

“I will leave now,” he said, some authority in his voice. “But I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Alec could only nod in response, smitten.

When Alec finally found his way into bed, for the first time in a long time, he imagined someone else as he fell asleep. There was hope.


	11. Tease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the tease. Not the boys.

“Who’s Castiel?”

Alec looked up at the bright yellow polka dots that were moving around in a flurry. Magnus was pacing the floor of his office dressed up in one of his outfits that he wanted to showcase to his latest client. But according to him, the waistcoat with the polka dots was not working with the light grey slacks. He needed help figuring out what would work.

“Uh…”

“Don’t _uh_ me!” He was frustrated because none of the combinations seemed to work but he loved the waistcoat so much.

“He’s a friend.”

“ _Just a friend_?”

“I went on a date with him on Wednesday.”

“Oh.”

Alec’s phone buzzed and he smiled at the text from Castiel.

_Castiel: 5:44PM: The new resident has already dropped the first coffee he was bringing for me. Now, I’m not only tending to the burns but also getting him coffee._

_Castiel: 5:44PM: I think we’ll get along just fine._

_Alexander Lightwood: 5:45PM: He sounds ideal._

_Castiel: 5:47PM: He’s actually very brilliant. He reminds me of you._

_Alexander Lightwood: 5:48PM: Is that a good thing?_

_Castiel: 5:48PM: Yes!_

_Castiel: 5:49PM: You’re brilliant and sure of yourself when you talk about History. He’s like that._

_Alexander Lightwood: 5:49PM: Flirt._

_Alexander Lightwood: 5:49PM: So are you._

_Castiel: 5:50PM: :)_

“Alexander!” Magnus complained, practically vibrating in a spot. “Why won’t you help me? And who are you talking to?”

Alec felt a thread of anger, but he let it go immediately, confused by the emotion. He’d never felt that emotion directed towards Magnus. He breathed out and met eyes with Magnus. “Castiel,” he replied squarely.

“Oh.” He seemed to deflate. “I’m freaking out!”

Alec got up and stood beside Magnus, looking at all the options lying on the couch. “How about…” He trailed off, getting together a navy plain suit in place with the waistcoat. “Try this?”

Magnus took the clothes in his hands, changing into the coat and the pants on the spot. Alec looked away, clearing his throat. He had enough fantasies without this adding to pile, especially when he was trying to move on. When Alec turned back, Magnus was twirling on the spot, looking at himself.

“You’re a genius!” Magnus jumped into Alec’s arms, holding him like a Koala. He cupped Alec’s cheeks, grinning. “You’re the best, Alexander.”

Alec reddened, slowly wrapping his arms around Magnus. He laughed and rolled his eyes. “You’re a doof.”

“That I am,” Magnus replied.

Alec laughed again, shaking his head. It was extremely easy to forgive Magnus. Not that Alec had ever really been angry. But it was easy to fall in step with the man.

“Let’s go grab something to eat. I’m so hungry,” Magnus continued, still hanging onto Alec.

“I need to grade a few papers before that,” Alec responded, apologetically.

“I’ll wait,” Magnus promised, jumping down and getting to work with the clothes. “I’ll just try on more combinations for you.”

Alec smiled and patted Magnus’s cheek. “I’ll be right here.”

When Magnus grinned at him, it was like the clouds had parted and it blinded him for a second. It wasn’t as though this was the first time Alec was seeing him grin. However, this week had been difficult without Magnus. He had been isolating himself from Alec more and more and he knew that it was because of Camille. Their messages hadn’t stopped, however. Before Alec couldn’t find the way, he could tell Magnus how bad Camille was for him, he had to settle for this.

It was distracting to work while the man changed between outfits, performing with each change. Some outfits worked while the others ended up on the floor in a pile. And some others ended up in pictures sent to Isabelle, Simon or Catarina.

A while later, Magnus pulled out a bottle of wine from his bag, settling against Alec’s desk. “Do you have glasses?”

“I have two mugs,” Alec replied, pushing the mugs towards Magnus. “And half a paper left to grade.”

He uncorked the bottle and poured some out for the two of them. “Finish up fast.”

Alec chuckled and continued reading the paper. “Give me a few minutes.”

Magnus drank in silence, looking out the window in Alec’s office. He shifted to sit at the edge of the desk. Alec looked up at his form, fascinated by him. Alec remembered how Magnus had been skinny when they had first met and then after Imasu, he had started filling out. Alec liked the way his arms flexed when he moved to sip from the cup. He was gorgeous.

“Aren’t you working?” Magnus asked, his eyes glinting playfully, looking over shoulder at Alec.

Alec laughed and ducked his head. “Sorry, I got distracted.”

“You’re right. I am rather distracting. I don’t blame you,” he said, mock haughtily.

“Jerk.” He turned his attention back to the paper, finishing it up with a red B and pushing it away. “Done,” he announced, taking a swig from the mug. “Damn, that’s good wine.”

“It’s French. Bordeaux wine.”

Alec nodded, getting up and settling beside Magnus. He was glad the desk was old and big enough for that. It was the only thing in the office that he had let his mother take control of, including the chair. They were grand; the only indications of Alec’s huge family. The recognizable angels for the feet. It was rather embarrassing when students came in, but Alec had gotten used to it.

Magnus turned his torso to face Alec and smiled at him. “Hey,” he murmured, quietly.

Alec smiled back. “Hey.” He knocked their shoulders together.

They were here. Together, caught up in each other’s eyes and Alec felt at peace. It was Magnus who set an arm around Alec’s shoulders, leaning into him. Alec kissed his forehead, leaning his chin against it.

“I’m sorry we didn’t spend a lot of time together this week.”

This was the moment. Alec could talk about Camille, finally. He had fought with Magnus inside his head multiple times, but he hadn’t really decided on what to say. He had to think quickly before he lost the moment.

But even before he could open his mouth, Magnus’s phone rang and Camille’s name lighted up. Magnus jumped away as if he had been scalded. He murmured apologies already gathering up his things and getting ready to leave. Alec didn’t comment; he watched him leave.


	12. The Angel and the Hunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of Dean and Castiel.

Castiel Novak was thirteen years old. He was in the perfect intersection of the Venn Diagram of school. Unseen, unbullied, and uncared for. The perfect place for Castiel. He could be in the middle of the classroom being as nerdy as he wanted to be, and nobody would notice. He loved the way it worked out.

Of course, his brothers were popular. Gabriel and Balthazar – even despite his Biblical name – garnered a lot of interest from his peers. They were loved by the school. Gabriel was the head cheerleader, and Balthazar was the basketball champion. Castiel didn’t have to be their brother at school, and they didn’t need to acknowledge him. It was a perfect system.

Then came along Dean Winchester. All bluster and macho. He was a popular jock. It was very easy to see that as soon as he entered the school, little brother in tow. Sam Winchester was not what Dean was like, but with him, it was easy to say that he was a brilliant student. What seemed apparent with Sam at first glance and not with Dean was that they both were kind. They were generous; the anti-bullies.

It was an affliction to be new at a school. You were always visible. Castiel could tell that Sam did not want the attention but Dean; he thrived. He loved the attention. He gave it back as good as he got it. He may have been kind, but he knew how to use the attention to his advantage. He had girls around him left and right. But that’s only what he knew from Sam.

When Dean came to Edlund High, he sat beside Castiel. He spent his classes with Castiel, and he went to lunch with him too.

“Why?” Castiel had asked, thirteen-year-old and trying to understand why he was chosen to stand and bask in the glory of all that was Winchester.

“I like you. You’re smart.”

That really didn’t answer his question but when Dean Winchester set his eyes on you, you really didn’t have a choice. It’s not like Castiel wanted one either. He had to admit, though, it made life harder for him. Suddenly, he was getting attention. Even more than his brothers.

Dean would smile at him when he railed on him about homework and Sam told him that for the first time in a long time, Dean was making an effort in school. He was different than he had been.

“Why?” Castiel had asked again.

“Cut it out, Cas. I like you.”

That was another thing about him. Everyone else called him Castiel or Cassie (as a joke), but it was only Dean who called him Cas. Then, Sam caught up to it too. And then Castiel started liking being called Cas. His mother hated it. She forbade removing the ‘iel’ in their name considering it was the parts of their names that invoked the Lord. But when Dean called him Cas, it didn’t matter anymore.

He wasn’t in love with him when he was thirteen. He was enamored by him. He loved him in his own way; as a friend. As one of the only and the best friends he’d had. But then it was time for Dean to leave. Halfway through the school year and Dean had to go to another city away from Castiel.

“I never tell anyone this…” Dean brought up during lunch. “But my dad is on his way here and I’ll leave today after school.”

“Oh.” That was all Castiel could say. What was he supposed to say. This wasn’t enough time to be asking for any promises of friendship. So, this was it.

“So, I… I was thinking…” Dean cleared his throat. “Do you want share your email or something?”

Castiel looked at him, surprised. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Castiel pulled out a paper from his bag and wrote his email down, passing it over to Dean. “I’ll write back.”

Dean grinned. “You better.”

And that afternoon, he was gone.

~*~

A week went by without any contact from Dean and then an email showed up.

_From:_ [ _classicrockimpala@hotmail.com_ ](mailto:classicrockimpala@hotmail.com)

_To:_ [ _castielnovak@yahoo.com_ ](mailto:castielnovak@yahoo.com)

_Hey Cas_

_I’m in Tulsa. The new school is interesting but not as fun. Sammy is still a nerd and still enjoying school more than he should._

_Let me know what you are doing._

_Dean._

_From:_ [ _castielnovak@yahoo.com_ ](mailto:castielnovak@yahoo.com)

_To:_ [ _classicrockimpala@hotmail.com_ ](mailto:classicrockimpala@hotmail.com)

_Hello Dean_

_School is school. I am not popular anymore, which is good for me. Gabriel and Balthazar are the stars again. They are glad. I think. Classes are going well. As they had been really. It fell right into place after you left. Dirk is the bully again and Barry is the victim. I’ve tried slipping into your place to protect him but there’s only so much I can do. So, I’ve been trying to condition Dirk to stay away. I might actually appreciate Pavlov more now._

_I hope Tulsa is good for you. I hope you meet more friends and I hope you keep up with school._

_See you soon, Dean._

_Yours,_

_Cas._

~*~

Life went on. Castiel was fifteen when he finally got the email he had always wanted to read.

_From:_ [ _classicrockimpala@hotmail.com_ ](mailto:classicrockimpala@hotmail.com)

_To:_ [ _castielnovak@yahoo.com_ ](mailto:castielnovak@yahoo.com)

_Hey Cas_

_I’m on my way to Pontiac for the weekend. Be there._

_Dean._

Castiel, on his fourteenth birthday, had received a telescope from his parents, _Stars & Planets_ by Sam, a moon light by Balthazar, a solar system mobile by Gabriel (ever the themed joker), and second-hand fiction _Dune_ series and hand carved bookends in the shape of two halves of the earth by Dean. Castiel loved astronomy and space that year. He loved it like Gabriel loved pranks and Balthazar loved innuendos. He loved it like Sam loved studying and Dean loved classic rock.

He had been so happy with the accidentally themed gifts that he thought his little heart would burst. A lot of exclamation points and time spent with his nose in the books had been involved in the coming months.

“I’ve peaked at such a young age,” he had told Balthazar, who’d just laughed.

Then why did it feel like he was peaking now; at fifteen. Dean Winchester was coming.

_From:_ [ _iamsamw@hotmail.com_ ](mailto:iamsamw@hotmail.com)

_To:_ [ _castielnovak@yahoo.com_ ](mailto:castielnovak@yahoo.com)

_Hi Cas!_

_I hope you’re doing well._

_Dad is driving past Illinois and Dean asked him to drop us at Pontiac. We’ll be there for at least the weekend, depending on Dad’s work. Anyway, I’m really looking forward to seeing you!_

_Best,_

_Sam._

Castiel was excited. They had talked about this before; Dean and him. They had discussed meeting one day but that had seemed far away. Something that you thought would happen once you were old enough. Something that happens when you are eighteen with no one holding you back.

And then Dean and Sam were in town.

Castiel had been waiting since the minute he had received Dean’s email. The boys got dropped right to the Novak house. Throughout the six months that the Winchester brothers had stayed at Edlund High, they had never been to the Novaks. So, Castiel had conveniently forgotten to mention Dean and Sam to his mother.

“Uh, mom,” Castiel called, leading Dean and Sam inside the house. He stopped awkwardly at the door of the kitchen. “My friends are here for the day. Is that okay?”

His mother turned around, considering him, and then smiled. “Of course, honey. Take them to your room. I’ll bring some food for you later.”

Castiel grinned and almost ran back to Dean and Sam. He had forgotten to greet them properly, fearing the reaction of his mother. And suddenly he felt like he had all the time in the world with his best friends. He looked them over and they both seemed to be doing the same. Castiel realized something when he hugged the brothers. It took him aback and made it harder to talk, but he was good at dusting things under the rug. So, that’s exactly what he did.

He ignored the fact that he was in love with his best friend.

The weekend seemed to pass by too quickly. Dean and Sam stayed over at his house. Only on Sunday were Dean and Castiel alone at his house. Sam left to meet his friend from school. Dean and Castiel spent the morning just lying in their respective beds, staring at the ceiling.

“You know I generally wake up early. My mother is going to be so mad,” Castiel said, stretching and turning on his side to face Dean on the mattress on the floor.

Dean looked up and grinned, all mischief and fire. Castiel was playing with fire.

“Don’t pretend you don’t like sloth.”

Castiel snorted with laughter. “Believe what makes you happy.”

“You do, you little sloth.”

The laugh caught in Castiel’s throat. He didn’t know how to respond. Before he could think of what to do next, though, Dean pushed his way on to the bed, spreading out.

“Your stupid mattress is hurting my back.”

Castiel grunted, making to get up. “I offered you my bed. You can nap on the bed, I’ll go get some food.”

Dean’s hand landed squarely on his stomach, holding him in place. “I’m not asking you to leave.”

Castiel laughed and laid back down beside Dean. “Okay.”

They fell quiet for a while. Castiel was on his back, looking at the ceiling. He didn’t realize for a while, but Dean was looking at him intently, his knee jutting into Castiel’s hip. Castiel turned his head around to face him and smiled at him. Dean smiled back. He really wasn’t sure who moved first but they were closer than Castiel remembered. He just had to reach out and he’d be kissing Dean.

It was Dean who moved away first. He got up suddenly. “I’m hungry. Let’s get breakfast. Or, uh, brunch, whatever.”

The entire day passed, and Dean didn’t look at Castiel even once. He seemed to relax when Sam returned. He only met eyes with Castiel when he was leaving in the car. He waved slightly and Castiel waved back, his heart in throat. He felt like he had just lost the only friend he had.

In the next two months, Castiel got scattered messages from Sam but nothing from Dean. Another two months passed by before Dean sent a message. A simple email telling Castiel about his day. Soon enough, they fell into the same patterns and never discussed the almost-kiss again.

That was the first one.

~*~

The second one came when Dean dropped by Castiel’s first year of university. They found themselves in the same position on Castiel’s dorm room bed. It was in the same moment that they both realized when they had been in the same position. This time it wasn’t Dean pulling away but Castiel. Over the years, through all the pain, Castiel wondered if he had kissed Dean that day, how would their lives had changed.

It was after that that Dean started dating a barrage of women. None of them scared Castiel really except for two girls in Dean’s life that seemed permanent. First was Cassie whom Dean dated for a year and a half. Even though, Castiel had met Cassie and liked her but he was still relieved when they broke up. The queue of meaningless relationships like Rhonda Hurley, Tessa Farmer, Jo Harvelle, were just that: meaningless.

The third one was right after John died. Dean was messed up and a bottle or two of whiskey later, he found himself in Castiel’s dorm. Castiel took him in like he always did. It was always the bed. It was always in bed. This time neither pulled away but Dean just fell asleep, hands grasping Castiel. He fell asleep hanging onto his friend for dear life. Castiel held him back and when he woke up in the morning, Dean was gone.

~*~

The fights came and went. Sometimes they were about the tension between them, sometimes about Dean’s penchant for not accepting help, but the worst were when Sam was ill.

“Cas.”

“Dean? What’s wrong?” Castiel rose from the bed, clearing his throat and rubbing his eyes.

“Cas, it’s Sam-“

“What happened?”

“He’s… He’s not okay, Cas. He’s ill. The doctors are saying it’s his heart. I don’t know what to do. I’ve called Bobby and-and everyone. Ellen. Argh! I don’t know, Cas. I don’t know what to do.”

“Dean,” Castiel murmured, trying to process everything. But really, he knew what to do. “Where are you?”

Five hours later, Castiel was with Dean standing in the waiting room with him. He got hold of a doctor to learn more about what was going on. General hospital administration had not taught him enough for this. He tried, he read. He did everything he could. It took them a year and multiple doctor visits to get Sam the right treatment. In that time, Castiel changed his major. It took some more time for Sam to recuperate. But it was this time that almost broke Castiel and Dean apart.

The fights kept getting worse till they couldn’t even stand each other’s presence for a minute before they were at each other’s throat. The stress was getting to them and neither could do anything about it. It took a year into Sam’s recovery when he _Parent Trap_ -ed them and got them to the Winchester apartment. But Sam had gone to Jessica’s home.

“Oh,” Castiel murmured, understanding what was going on. “I’ll just go then.”

“Cas,” Dean sighed, when Castiel was right at the door. “Just… Just stay.”

“Dean,” Castiel whispered, licking his lips. “I don’t know… If we should.”

“Cas, we can’t keep fighting forever. You’re family. And I… I need you, buddy.”

And that was all that was needed. Castiel crossed the distance and hugged Dean, who hugged him back.

“Now, let’s get dinner,” Dean said, clearing his throat and slapping Castiel’s back, before moving to the kitchen.

Castiel followed, smiling. They put together dinner and started up the _Die Hard_ marathon to watch as they ate. Castiel and Dean ended up leaning heavily against each other, watching the ends of the movies. Castiel could feel Dean’s lips move with the movie’s dialogues, the side of his head resting against Castiel’s hair.

Castiel looked up at Dean with a grin, who grinned back. They didn’t know who had moved first but the next moment they were kissing. It seemed to last for a lifetime, their hands finding the other’s and Castiel shifted closer to Dean, his other hand going around Dean’s neck.

It felt like a dream. A dream coming to life. Castiel would be lying if he said that he hadn’t imagined this just this way multiple times. Dean’s lips were soft against his and fingers were softer. They drew him into Dean’s warmth and Castiel was ensconced. He loved this man. It had been years. So many people and the failings of time had come in the way of this.

The door exploded open and they broke apart. Time took them apart again, and there were no more kisses. They never talked about it again. And now Dean was getting married to Lisa Braeden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been reading all your comments raptly. Thank you very much. <3  
> Also, guys, I didn't mean for Magnus and Alec's relationship to seem as though Magnus is leading him on. I'm trying to write them as oblivious best friends. I'm sorry if that's not apparent. I just mean that Magnus is not trying to hurt Alec, knowingly. Of course, I don't condone treating your friends like shit for your relationships.


	13. A Promise To Keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has the night off but will Alec get to spend time with him.

“So, again, who’s Castiel?”

Alec sighed. Too many people had been asking the same question. “Simon, he’s a friend.”

“Wouldn’t you say he’s more?”

“Give me that,” Alec cried out, grabbing his phone from Simon’s hands.

_Castiel: 4:32PM: Let’s meet tonight. I would love to see you again._

_Alexander: 4:56PM: I’d really like that. Pick me up at 8?_

_Castiel: 5:05PM: Done. See you._

“He might be something,” Alec replied, carefully, considering every word.

Simon laughed, cheerfully and patted his shoulder. “That is great to hear.”

Alec grinned at him, shyly and shrugged. “I really like him.”

“I’m really happy for you, Alec,” Simon said, earnestly.

Alec rolled his eyes, though, he was smiling. “Oh, shut up.”

Simon laughed again. “Tell me about him.”

“Well… Castiel is nice. He’s smart and really good looking. He has a similar sense of humour as mine, which is confused and awkward but here for a laugh. He’s a cardiologist. So young, and so passionate. He’s kind and helpful. And he makes me happy.”

“Aw, look at you. All grown up.” Simon wiped mock tears.

Alec rolled his eyes and punched the man’s shoulder. “I hate you.”

“You don’t, but I really, really love this, Alec. You seem happy. I’d love to meet him, you know.”

“Oh, I’m not bringing him to you vultures. Ever.” Alec brushed past Simon to put water in Virginia Woof’s bowl.

Simon laughed. “I’m going to set some clothes out for your date.”

Alec looked over his shoulder, gratefully.

“Anytime.”

~*~

Castiel’s fingers rubbed at Alec’s scalp, who hummed quietly, shifting to look up at Castiel. He stretched in Castiel’s lap, half of his legs hanging off the couch. He smiled at Castiel.

“Hey,” Alec murmured, afraid of breaking the quiet of the room, though the TV continued in the background.

Castiel smiled down at him, tugging gently at his hair. “Hey,” he replied.

“So? What do you want to do today?”

“We could just stay in and watch a movie, or we could grab dinner somewhere.”

“I don’t feel like going out,” Alec moved his head up to kiss Castiel’s palm.

Castiel smiled and cupped Alec’s cheek. “Me neither.”

Alec sat up and kissed Castiel, cupping his cheek as well. Castiel wrapped his arm around him and pulled him in close. “I think I’d like to do something else, though,” Alec whispered between kisses.

Castiel’s laugh was muffled by the kiss and it turned into a moan. His breath caught when Alec bit his neck. “Alec.” He shuddered, both hands moving to grab at Alec’s shoulders.

Alec moved up to kiss him again, his fingers fumbling with Castiel’s shirt buttons.

“Alec… Alec. Alec!” Castiel laughed a little, pushing him away gently. “Your phone is ringing.”

“Fuck it,” Alec responded, pulling Castiel back and kissing him again.

The ringing stopped and started off again. Alec huffed, frustrated. He looked at Castiel, while the phone kept ringing in his pocket. He had half mind to toss it away.

“Take it,” Castiel told him, kissing him gently but firmly.

Alec sighed and pulled out his phone, shifting away from Castiel as the man got up.

“Hello,” Alec spoke into the phone.

“Alexander?”

“Magnus? What’s wrong?”

“I had too much… To drink at the… Um… Uh. Just come get me, please. I don’t want to stay here. The counter smells and I don’t have anyone here. I just… Alexander, come get me. Please.”

Alec felt his blood boil. It was his first day with Castiel this week. Things were going well with him and Magnus had not talked to him since he had turned up at his office with the fashion disaster, which was two weeks ago. Castiel had a busy job. They didn’t get any time together and Magnus thought that he could just ignore his best friend for weeks and except him to come running.

Was he wrong though.

“Castiel?”

“Yes, Alec?”

“I think I need to go…” He swallowed. “I need to go pick up Magnus. He’s drunk at a bar.”

“I thought you weren’t talking?” Castiel settled beside Alec. His words were not accusatory; just concerned. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Alec smiled tightly at him and shook his hands. Running a hand over his face, he got up. “I’m okay. I’ll just go get him and drop him off… I guess… Ah, you have work in the morning. I’ll just let you sleep.”

“I’ll have the night off on Saturday,” Castiel told him, rubbing the back of Alec’s neck and tugging him into a kiss.

Alec smiled, kissing him back. “I’ll be here.”

“You better.”

Castiel dropped him at the door, stealing one last kiss before pushing Alec out the door with a laugh.

~*~

Alec entered _The Hunter’s Moon_ hoping to find Magnus easily. Well, he did. But he hadn’t expected the man to be fighting. Magnus was at the bar, fighting with another man with long hair. Both of them were being restrained by barkeeps.

Both men were shouting at each other and Magnus was kicking high, using the barkeep’s hold to his advantage. Alec rushed to intervene.

“Hey! Magnus! Hey, listen to me!”

Magnus halted and turned his entire body to look at Alec. He broke into a grin and then his face crumpled, tears in his eyes. Alec caught him right as he broke from his hold.

“Hey,” he murmured, softly, holding a sobbing Magnus. “Let’s get out of here, okay?”

Magnus nodded, still crying. He let Alec lead him to his car and got into the passenger side. With his knees up, he sobbed with his head down.

“Magnus?” Alec said, quietly, settling into his seat. He waited for Magnus to respond. “Please?”

Magnus looked at him. “I can’t do it.”

“What?”

“I can’t do this without Camille.”

“What do you mean? Did you both break up?”

“No, but she said she would.”

“Why?”

“If I… Just… She has reasons, okay!”

“Magnus…”

“I don’t want to talk anymore.”

Alec sighed and drove them out.

“I want to go to your house.”

“Okay.”

The entire way Magnus kept sobbing quietly and Alec practically had to carry him out, drowsy and weepy. Alec huffed and just lifted Magnus into the house. The man was too drunk to complain. He hung onto Alec. He seemed to quiet now. When Alec looked down, Magnus was looking at him intently, sniffing.

“Alec?”

“Yeah?” Alec asked, dumping Magnus on his bed.

Magnus stretched. “Don’t leave me. Please.”

Alec huffed and got Magnus’s shoes off. He went for his belt next and Magnus grabbed his hands, tugging at them. Alec sighed and looked up, entwining their fingers.

“Alec, please.” Tears welled up in his swollen eyes.

Alec crawled up awkwardly and pulled one of his hands away to tug Magnus into his arms. Magnus let out a sob, his arms going around Alec’s waist and hanging on for life.

“Talk to me.”

“Nothing, just a fight.”

“It wasn’t just any fight. Fights don’t get you running to a bar and getting into a fight. Breakups do, though.”

Magnus snorted, gracelessly. “I think everyone just knows me better than I know myself, then.”

Alec jostled him. “Shut it. Use your words to tell me what’s wrong.”

Magnus pulled away to look up. “She almost broke up with me over a small fight. And that just scared me. I like her a lot. I do.”

“Wanna tell me about the fight?”

“Not really.”

“How are you going to fix it?”

“I don’t know… Apologize?”

“Okay. In the long term?”

“I’m unsure. I… Alec?”

“Yes, Magnus.”

“What if someone you love asks for something really difficult to do? You don’t want to do it, but it’s the only thing that will make them happy?”

“What will make you happy?”

“Making them happy.”

“Then, you do what makes you happy. Always.”

Magnus’s shoulder lost all their tension and he landed heavy in Alec’s arms. “Sing me to sleep, my love.”

Alec chuckled and kissed his forehead.

Magnus’s eyes slid shut and he buried his face in Alec’s chest. He fell asleep in seconds. Alec followed soon after.

When Alec woke up in the morning, Magnus was gone. No notes, no texts.

_Alexander Hamilton II: 7:34AM: Are you okay? You left without waking me up. You should have._

Alec never had to wait for Magnus’s texts, so, he got worried when the whole day passed and Magnus didn’t respond. He sent Magnus five messages throughout the day going through all stages of grief.

_Alexander Hamilton II: 12:03PM: You would never leave without a message. Were you kidnapped?_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 3:56PM: Magnus! What the fuck! Talk to me!_

_Alexander Hamilton II: 5:01PM: Look, if it’s something I said, I’m sorry. Please just text me back. I’ll get you your favourite egg rolls from downtown._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 6:15PM: You’re angry with me. You have to be. You never wait this long._

_Alexander Hamilton II: 9:21PM: Fine. I get it. You’re not going to respond. It wasn’t so much to ask for you to let me know you’re okay, you know._

Alec called Catarina finally.

“Hello, Alec.”

“Hey, Cat. How are you?”

“I’m good, honey. What’s wrong? You sound stressed.”

Alec sighed, deflated. “Magnus is ignoring my messages.”

“That’s odd. He’s been texting me all day… In fact, he is texting more than usual. Tends not to reply so often, that one.”

“So, he’s okay?”

“I think so, love. Do you need me to say something?”

“No, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“We both know what _nothing_ is called.”

Alec huffed but didn’t respond.

“We’ll get through to him, Alec. For his sake.”

“Of course, Cat. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to confess: writing this has really made me love Alec and Castiel. Even while writing this, I wanted all of them to be happy.   
> Please don't hate Magnus yet. He's still our sweetheart warlock trying to do his best.


	14. Coming Up Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up for Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the movie Begin Again. A song from that movie. It's amazing, by the way. Mark Ruffalo and Keira Knightley are in it.

“Cas! I have some good news.”

“Hello, Jess,” Castiel said, smiling at his notepad. He pressed the phone closer to his ear as Jess’s voice went in and out of range. “Slow down.”

“Sorry,” she responded, apologetically. “I need help.”

“Anything.”

“I love you. Give me the contact of your best gynaecologist.”

“Of c-Wait, what?”

She laughed, brightly. “I’m pregnant.”

“That’s amazing! Holy shit, does Sam know?”

“Told him last week.”

“How long has it been?” He was barely able to contain his excitement.

“A little over a month and a half, actually. There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to steal Lisa’s thunder.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s her wedding in four months. If I say anything now, I’m going to steal her thunder.”

“I don’t think she’ll see it that way. She’ll be happy for you.”

“I’m not denying that. I just think that if it was me in her position, I’d resent me too.”

“Of course not, Jess.”

“Ugh, maybe I’m just overthinking. I don’t know what to do.”

“Look, even if you hold out for four months, I think it will be hard to hide.”

“Well… Fair enough. You’re right, Cas. Love you. I’ll talk to you later. Sam says hi.”

“Hey, Sam.”

“I’ll see you. Bye, angel.”

Castiel smiled to himself. “Bye, Jess.”

He had barely put the phone down before it rang again. He frowned at his phone. _Dean Winchester calling_. “Hello?” he asked, uncertain.

“Hey, Cas. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing. Just thinking of taking my lunch break.”

“Great! Come meet me at the Roadhouse?”

“Uh-“

“Come on, just 45 minutes, Cas.”

“Alright. I’ll be there. Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, yeah. Let’s meet.”

“See you, Dean.”

Castiel set his packed lunch in the communal refrigerator and walked to The Roadhouse. It was ten minutes away from Castiel’s hospital on foot. He entered the establishment, looking around. He smiled at Ellen and Jo at the bar. They waved at him, and Ellen pointed him towards Dean. He had taken up the same booth as they always did where they could see the entire place.

He waved Castiel over when he saw him. “Hey, Cas!”

Castiel walked over and slipped in the opposite seat as Dean’s. “Hello, Dean.”

“How’re you doing, bud?” He asked, clapping his shoulder.

“I’m good, Dean. How are you?”

“I’m great, man.”

A quiet fell between them. Ash broke it by getting them their usual. Two black coffees, a short stack for Castiel, and a bacon cheeseburger for Dean.

“Thank you, Ash.”

“You’re welcome, dudes.” He smiled lopsidedly and left, giving them the peace signs.

They fell quiet again, starting on their food.

“So, Dean?” Castiel started. “Is there something you wanted to talk about?”

“Well… How’s work going, Cas? How’s the hot nurse? Meg, was it?”

“It’s going well. Stressful, but I have good residents. Meg is as she’s always been, honestly. Besides, I just made out with her once during a party. You need to forget that.”

Dean laughed. “Well, I liked her better than April.”

Castiel shrugged, smiling. “April was nice till, well, until I had to get a restraining order against her.”

“You sure know how to pick ‘em.”

“I sure do.”

Dean cleared his throat, uncomfortable.

Castiel felt slightly vindictive, sipping his coffee slowly to let Dean stew. “So, how’s the auto shop?”

“Pretty good. Bobby and I are trying to go franchise.”

“That’s great.” Castiel smiled at him. “So, what is this really about, Dean?”

“I heard you have a new boyf-“

“Dean.”

Dean sighed. “Cas… We’ve… _I’ve_ not been a really great friend for the past couple of months. Hell, years. And I just… I wanted to apologize for that.”

“Okay. I- “

“I know it doesn’t sound a lot like me. And, well, a few people had to talk me into this. They’re right! You’re family, Cas. You’re important. We need you. _I_ need you. We’re friends. And I’d like to continue. You know, as friends.”

Castiel remembered the exact same words. Maybe it should have made him angry. But it filled him with some longing. They had wasted so much time. “I, uh. Dean. I agree. But it would be wrong to apportion all the blame to you. I’m at fault too, and yes. I would love for us to be good friends again.”

Dean looked at him and then broke out laughing. For a second, Castiel thought it had all been a joke. But then Dean grabbed his shoulder and looked at him so sincerely.

“Don’t ever change, Cas.”

Castiel couldn’t help his smile at that. “I’ll try not to, Dean.”

Dean grinned at him. “So, tell me about your boyfriend, would you?”

He ducked his head, reddening.

“Woah, this seems serious.”

“I hope so. His name is Alexander Lightwood. He’s a History professor.”

“He sounds great, Cas. Tell me everything.”

 

When Castiel left _The Roadhouse,_ he felt complete for the first time in years. He had missed spending time with Dean, but he hadn’t known exactly how to ask for it. He sure hadn’t expected Dean to make the first move. He was glad to know that Dean missed him as much as he missed him. He smiled to himself the entire way back to the hospital.

~*~

Saturday night rolled around and Alec stood outside Castiel’s apartment, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. He cleared his throat, shifting the yellow Matthiola Incana and Irises bouquet in his hand. He looked down, hoping this wasn’t too sappy. He hated being sappy because he wasn’t as smooth as Magnus. But he wanted to try. That’s what Isabelle called progress.

The door swung open and a tall man; a giant really. Alec thought he was tall but this man was a whole inch taller than him and beefier. He would have been intimidated by him if it hadn’t been for his eyes. He had the kindest face Alec had ever seen. He smiled at Alec.

“Oh, hey! You must be Alec. Please come on in.”

Alec smiled tightly and entered Castiel’s apartment. Castiel was wiping his hands on a washcloth and smiled softly as Alec entered. He reached over to kiss him gently, leading them inside.

“I see you’ve met Sam Winchester,” Castiel introduced. “And this is Jess, his wife.”

“Uh, hi,” Alec said, waving the bouquet slightly before realizing it was in his hand. He held it out to Castiel. “This is for you.” He wanted to kill himself. He felt like the awkward equivalent of an eight-year-old handing his teacher something for the first time.

Castiel smiled warmly at him, accepting the flowers. “They are beautiful, Alec. I’ll go put them in the vase.”

When Castiel left, the other two looked over at him. For a second Alec felt as though he should have brought them something but that was insane. He hadn’t even been aware that they would be here much less know them well enough to get something.

“Sit,” Jess offered, waving over at the furniture.

Alec liked her. She didn’t pat the space beside her, leaving Alec to choose. He sat on the armchair nearest to her. “Castiel has told me about you.”

“Has he?” Jess asked, surprised and moved. “He’s a sweetheart. I love him. He’s the best thing that could have happened to us.” She grinned over at Sam, holding her hand out to him.

Sam smiled back, taking her hand and sitting down beside her. “So, Alec, you teach History?”

Alec nodded. “I do.” He knew he should say more but really; he needed some warning before he had to socialize.

Sam and Jess didn’t seem to mind, however.

“We didn’t mean to crash your date. We just came here because I needed some advice,” Jess explained. She smiled up at Sam and then at Alec. “I’m pregnant.”

“That’s amazing. Congratulations,” Alec said, sincerely.

Jess grinned at him. Before they could say anything else, Castiel came back carrying a vase and set it on the coffee table, proudly. He smiled at Alec as he took the seat opposite him.

“Cas, you should go. We’ll stick around for a bit and then go,” Sam told him. “We’ll take care of everything, we promise.”

“But I can help. I’m sure Alec wouldn’t-“

“I wouldn’t-“

“Oh shush,” Jess said. “Get out of here.”

Castiel chuckled and stood up. “I could never win an argument against you.”

“You can’t,” Jess responded, grinning.

“Alec?” Castiel asked as Alec scrambled to stand. “Where are you taking me?” he continued, walking them towards the door, and pausing to grab his coat.

Alec helped Castiel with his coat. “It’s a surprise.”

Castiel smiled and kissed him after shutting the door behind them.

“What’s all that about?” Alec asked as they got inside his car.

“Oh! Uh, it’s Dean’s birthday tomorrow and they want to plan a surprise at my house. Dean wouldn’t suspect it.”

“Oh. Alright. That’s great.” Maybe Alec should feel intimidated by that but he understood friendships. He understood the kind of love between the two men and if Castiel trusted him enough to let him get Magnus from the bar, he had to trust him enough to throw a party for Dean.

“You should come actually. Dean would love to meet you.”

Alec looked over momentarily. “Are you sure?” He pulled the car out into the lane.

“I am. We had a… Nice talk the other day. Dean wants to be friends.”

Alec smiled. “That’s great, Castiel.”

Castiel ducked his head and shrugged. “I think so. I’ve missed him.”

They fell quiet but it wasn’t awkward. Alec reached over to take Castiel’s hand. He entwined their fingers, still looking out the window.

“You didn’t,” he said when they arrived at the place.

“I did,” Alec replied, shrugging. He laughed and kissed Castiel’s knuckles before parking to a side.

Castiel rolled his eyes at him. “I really don’t mind eating at normal places, you know.”

“I just wanted to treat you,” Alec replied, suddenly uncertain.

“No, I like it, Alec. Really, I do.” Castiel smiled at him, reassuringly.

Alec felt relieved, as he let the valet take his car. He took Castiel by the arm and led him inside.

“Very romantic,” Castiel told him, grinning.

They had just ordered when Alec looked up and saw Magnus eyeing from a table nearby. He was there with Camille but she hadn’t noticed them. Alec huffed quietly and turned his attention back to Castiel. He seemed to notice something was off; he looked back momentarily and caught the sight of Magnus. He smiled contritely at Alec.

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, shaking his head. “This won’t be a problem. I promise.”

“It’s okay, Al-“

“No, it’s not. I’m here with you.” Alec took his hand as the server poured the wine.

Castiel smiled softly at him. “Alec, I need to talk to you.”

Alec felt his heart take a dive. “Cas-“

“No, that came out wrong. I just meant. I like dating you. I like going out with you and eating out with you. I like when we spend time together. I like you. But it’s going to take us – both – some time to get over our past. It’s okay, Alec. That’s all I mean.”

Alec ducked his head, smiling slightly. “You too, Castiel. Thank you. I like you too, for the record.”

Castiel chuckled. “I’ll be back,” he murmured, kissing Alec’s knuckles.

Alec watched him leave, smiling. Then he couldn’t help it; his eyes slid over to Magnus. Castiel was right. This would take some time to get over, really. He couldn’t expect his feelings to go away so soon, no matter how much he liked Castiel. And he did. He really liked Castiel.

Magnus hadn’t noticed him. He was laughing at something Camille said, and then he smiled at her. Alec just stared; his mouth slightly open. In all this time, he hadn’t noticed one thing. He had chosen to or accidentally overlooked the way Magnus looked at Camille. Alec knew him more than a lot of other people. He loved Magnus. He noticed every little detail. They were best friends. They talked about everything – or at least they used to.

And Alec had not seen this coming.

Magnus was in love with Camille. He had known this in theory but realizing it was a punch to the gut. He tried his best through the entire date to pay attention to Castiel, and he thought he had been successful until Castiel tugged him to a side.

They were in an alleyway and Castiel looked around, sheepishly.

“I hadn’t expected it to be this… Disgusting. I’m no mysophobe, but, as a doctor, I can’t suggest this.”

Alec laughed. “What are we doing here?”

Castiel kissed him, catching him by surprise. They stood there for a few minutes, making out like teenagers. When Castiel let go, Alec felt weak in the knees. He shuddered and looked down at Castiel, caressing Castiel’s cheek and pushing his hair away from his face.

“I thought I could soften you before asking you what’s wrong,” Castiel said, eyes wide and earnest.

Alec blinked. “I don’t understand.”

“Something’s wrong. You’ve not been with me the entire dinner and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Oh, I’m really sorry, Castiel.”

“That’s not why I’m saying this,” he answered, shaking his head. “I am concerned. I just want you to know that I’m here for you.”

Alec considered that for a moment. They were in a relationship now and if Alec wanted this to be long term – he did – he needed to be upfront about his intentions. For that, he needed to be sure about Castiel’s.

“Castiel, are you serious about us?” he asked. No mysteries or lies. Upfront.

Castiel frowned. “What? I, yes. I am.”

Alec kissed him again. “I am too. Let’s get back and… talk.”

 

Alec felt lighter when he fell asleep wrapped up around Castiel. They spent hours talking about the things that could stand between them. They defined boundaries and talked about things that they couldn’t really answer. They were careful not to make any promises. It didn’t make everything perfect, but it made it right. It was a step forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've mentioned this before but I fucking adore Castiel and Alec. I love them so so much. Also, Jess and Sam. I think I was watching that episode where Dean goes into Djinn land where Sam and Jess are married and he's married to the beer lady while writing this part. 
> 
> Also, I love reading all the comments. Thank you so so much. I love all of you. I pledge my allegiance to you. If Nick Fury came to me, you guys would be my Avengers. 
> 
> Also, the flowers:  
> https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/g744/flower-meanings/ I got the meanings from here.  
> Matthiola Incana means a lifetime of happiness and Irises mean faith and hope. So, Alec is trying to have faith in his hope that the two of them can have a lifetime of happiness. Basically, he's saying he wants to move on with Castiel.


	15. Happy Birthday, Dean Winchester!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's birthday party at Castiel's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're going to hate me.

Castiel’s home had become a staple by now. Alec had just left in the morning and he was back again in the evening. He stood to a side, awkward and uncertain. He wasn’t sure whether he should be at Dean Winchester’s birthday party. He had met Sam and he seemed nice enough, but Dean sounded like someone Alec wouldn’t like. By a single look, he could see that the man was incredibly attractive but he seemed closed off and again, not someone Alec would get along with. There was a distance between Dean and everyone he interacted with, except for Sam, Lisa, and Jess. He hadn’t seen him with Castiel yet.

“Alec!” Castiel called, coming out of the kitchen, avoiding walking into people as much as possible.

Alec turned towards him and grinned, waving slightly. Castiel made his way over to him, giving him a warm hug and kiss. Alec kissed him back, smiling. He felt comfortable in his presence.

“I’m glad you’re here. The party started not long ago but Dean, Sam and I started drinking at, what, four.”

Alec could see clearly now that Castiel was tipsy. He laughed softly, kissing him again and tasting the whiskey in his mouth. Castiel obliged, kissing him back enthusiastically.

“Please have fun,” Castiel implored once they pulled away. He stroked Alec’s hair with his free hand. “I’ll go hand these over to Dean.”

Alec nodded and watched Castiel make his way to the man. Dean grinned at the nachos. He considered Castiel in Dean’s presence. He seemed to light up when Dean smiled. Did Magnus have the same effect on Alec? Did he look at him the way Castiel looked at Dean? Castiel suddenly pointed at Alec, grinning at him proudly. Dean turned around and waved at him. They waved him over.

Alec wound his way to the two men, awkwardly.

“Alec, Dean. Dean, Alec,” Castiel introduced.

“Hey, happy birthday, Dean,” Alec responded, taking the other man’s hand. “I got you this.” He self-consciously handed over a bottle of Jameson’s whiskey.

“Hey! Good to finally meet you.” Dean smiled warmly at him, appraising the bottle. “Ah, a man after my own heart.”

Up close, Dean didn’t seem as intimidating.

“Good to see you too,” Alec replied.

“Did you get yourself a drink yet?” Dean thrust his own glass in Alec’s hand.

He chuckled and accepted the glass, sniffing at it. It was rum with coke. Taking a sip, he winced at how strong it was. Dean laughed in response, patting his shoulder.

“We’ve been trying to get Castiel drunk. I think we’ve succeeded!”

“Dean, I drank the entire bar and you drank a bottle. We’re the same amount of drunk,” Castiel retorted, pushing at Dean’s shoulder.

Dean laughed at him.

“I’ve never seen you drunk,” Alec noted with a grin.

“You’re welcome.” Dean winked at him.

“You know what, I’m going to dance. With Jess and Lisa because you’re mean,” Castiel said, laughing and walking away. He joined Jess and Lisa in dancing, twerking with them. He was pretty good at it actually. The song changed and Lisa chose Castiel as a partner to dance with.

Alec noticed Dean observing him. He looked back, questioningly.

“Cas seems happy with you,” Dean stated. He smiled lopsidedly.

“I hope so.”

“I’ve known him my entire life. He… Really, there’s no less cheesy way to say it but he does a lot. He has done a lot for me and Sam. He’s family.”

Alec didn’t know what to say to that. He had thought that Dean was a hard man, but he wasn’t. Not really, anyway. He was someone that Alec could get along with, on second thought. Righteous, strong, the older sibling looking out for his younger one. Alec hadn’t talked to him enough to know that but being closer to him, he felt was like looking in the mirror. Dean was a lot more like him than. And then he saw Dean watching Lisa and Castiel dancing. At first, Alec thought that Dean was looking at Lisa. The way he was looking; it was full of pure, unadulterated love. It was true adoration if Alec had ever seen that.

But it wasn’t for Lisa.

It was a second punch to his stomach. He had not expected this at all.

Dean Winchester was in love with Castiel Novak.

Dean got up, calling over to the dancing group and entering the horde, holding a bottle of beer above everyone’s heads. Castiel ducked under his arm and danced over towards Alec, grinning at him.

Between then and now, Castiel had somehow gotten more alcohol. Alec tasted it on his lips as they kissed. He wrapped his arms around Castiel, holding him in place. He smiled at the man, pulling away and resting their foreheads together.

“Castiel, we need to talk.”

“Yeah, we should. I really like kissing you, you know. I’ve never really had people to kiss in public. I really like you and I want everyone to see just how amazing you are.”

Alec had not meant to talk about that. He had almost broken up with Castiel. Castiel loved Dean and his love was not unrequited, so, why should Alec stand in the middle. Aside from his feelings for Castiel, it wasn’t something he wanted to hold back from happening. But then Castiel said something so sincere and Alec wanted to push that moment away. How do you respond to something like that by saying you wanted to break up.

Castiel was happy and Alec didn’t want to tell a drunk Castiel he wanted to break up, especially not without an explanation. He deserved an explanation because he cared about him.

So, he pushed that away. No hasty decisions. That sounded a lot like Isabelle in his head.

“You are amazing too, you know,” Alec replied, belatedly. He kissed Castiel gently.

Castiel pulled away completely. “I really like you, Alec. But right now, I need to be with guests. Stay, okay? Please.”

Alec nodded. “Go on.”

Castiel vanished in the dancing throng again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You hate me.
> 
> But, by the Heavens, you're going to hate me so much more.
> 
> In a very non-GoT way, it probably won't go the way you expect it to. By that I mean, comprehension is key in communication! I read that on Twitter so don't quote me on it.
> 
> Also, guys. You're the light of my life. I'm having a really bad couple of days but waking up to the promise of comments is so nice. Thank you for taking the time to read and then leave comments for me. Especially when there's no obligation. I love you.


	16. Let it fucking go, Elsa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why that is the title.  
> Castiel is fucking adorable and mature.   
> Magnus isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're going to hate someone else more than me in this chapter.

Alec snaked his hand over Castiel’s naked torso, soft light shining through the white curtains. He kissed under his ear, making the man shudder. He moved his lips over Castiel’s ear and pressed his nose to his cheek, smiling against Castiel’s skin. Castiel moaned softly, turning on his back. He blinked up at Alec with a sleepy smile. Alec kissed the smile off his face, making him moan again.

“Alec,” Castiel whispered, turning completely towards Alec. “What time is it?”

Alec looked over at the digital watch behind Castiel, tugging him closer by pulling his knee over his own hip. Castiel exhaled shudderingly.

“Alec?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s a little over six. You have to leave at half past seven, right?”

“Yes. Which means I have half an hour.”

“Make it forty-five minutes. I’ll make you breakfast.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be late.”

“Castiel.” He turned him on his back without warning.

Castiel gasped.

“You know I’m still pretty… Ready from last night,” Alec murmured, sitting up and reaching over to the side table for the lube.

“Then what are you waiting for.”

~*~

Castiel ruffled his wet hair out of his eyes and walked over to kiss Alec’s neck.

“Thanks for the pancakes,” he said with a smile, going over to pour two cups of coffee.

Alec smiled at him and divided the pancakes into two stacks. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” Castiel replied with a telling grin.

Alec laughed and tugged at Castiel’s arm, asking him to sit down.

It was a few moments of silence before Castiel pressed something into Alec’s hand.

“What’s this?”

“The keys to my apartment.”

“Um, are you going somewhere?”

Castiel laughed, shyly. “It’s a copy, Alec.”

Alec looked at it. It took him a moment. “Oh. Oh. Oh! Are you sure?”

“Of course, I’m sure. I love having you here.”

Alec smiled and stared at the keys. He bit his lip, still looking at the keys.

“Did I break yo-“

“So, we’re boyfriends,” he blurted out.

Castiel paused. “I guess so.”

They smiled at each other.

“I prefer partners.”

“I prefer otters.”

“I prefer crabs.”

“That sounds like an STD.”

“So, lobsters?”

~*~

Castiel got back at odd times. Sometimes at 1AM, sometimes at 4PM. Well, Castiel was aware of his schedules but Alec never was sure. So, he started staying at Castiel’s one evening, after he got the key and then it became routine. Whenever Castiel returned, he had food waiting for him and Alec too, if he was there.

It was one of the rare days that Castiel was back at a proper time in the evening. Alec had made pasta for them and they were drinking wine in front of the TV when Magnus called Alec. He didn’t physically groan but he wanted to. He knew what it was about even before picking it up. He had been ignoring his feelings for days and Magnus had not bothered to message him at all throughout this time. He didn’t know what to do about Castiel and Dean and he sure as hell didn’t know what to say to Magnus. So, he had been ignoring all of that. He was enjoying his time with Castiel.

So, Magnus’s call was completely not with the ‘ignore everything’ plan.

“Hello?” Alec answered.

“Alexander. I know I keep calling you, but I need you to come and get me. Please. I’m drunk again. Like an idiot… I’m sorry, Alexander. Please.”

Alec ran a hand over his face. Castiel rested a warm hand on his shoulder and kissed the side of his head. “Go,” he whispered in his ear.

“I might not be able to come back,” he mouthed back.

“Go,” Castiel insisted.

“I’ll be there.” He ended the call.

~*~

Alec pulled Magnus inside his apartment, trying not to drop him. He was drunker than the last time Alec had brought him back. This time he was less clingy and moodier. Alec quietly led him to his room and helped him to bed, taking his shoes off. It felt like déjà vu.

“Are you,” Magnus burped. “With _with_ Castiel?” He spat the name like it was a demon’s.

Alec sighed, hanging his head. “Magnus, please just go to sleep.”

“No! It’s like you don’t even care about me anymore!”

Alec felt rage climb up his throat and evaporate his blood. He saw red. He wanted to punch Magnus in the throat. “I’ve been the one ignoring you?” he asked, soft and dangerous, rising to his full height.

Either Magnus was not looking at him or he was just not scared of Alec because he grumbled. “You have been. Not one call, Alec! Not one.”

“Magnus, I sent you messages. You didn’t reply. You won’t even look at me, so, why, pray tell! Why should I even bother calling you?” His voice rose with every word until he was practically shouting.

Magnus shuddered before he opened his eyes, rage evident in his eyes. “Don’t put this on me!”

“Magnus, fucking hell!” He turned around, trying not to pull out his hair. “You’re really going to… Sit there and shout at me for ignoring you? You asked me to come and pick you up, I came. You wouldn’t look at me during dinner, I didn’t say a thing! I’ve met everyone from our group throughout the weeks! Everyone! And, and! You asked me to come and pick you up again! And I was there! I left my boyfriend for this! I barely get any time with him! So, you know what! Fuck you. This isn’t worth it!”

Magnus seemed to break at that and shuddered again. Before he could say anything, he was grabbing his mouth and getting up to run to the bathroom.

Alec groaned and followed him. He held Magnus’s lockets back and rubbed his back. Magnus sat back, looking exhausted. His shirt was sticking to his skin by now. Alec roughly shifted him and in apology, gently took the shirt off of Magnus.

Magnus observed him, half-lidded. “Go away.”

“What?”

“You heard me. You hate me. You have replaced me. Whatever. So, just leave me already. Go back to your boyfriend.”

Alec stared at him. “Are you kidding me?”

Magnus tried to push him away, but he had barely any strength to do it. He slumped back against the wall.

Alec’s nose flared in anger and he got up. He fetched a new shirt and tossed it at Magnus, before walking out the door to the living area. He walked around, feeling the adrenaline surging through him. So, he did the next best thing – he called Castiel.

“Hey,” he murmured into the phone.

“Hey, Alec. What’s wrong?” Castiel asked, soft and sleepy. The sheets rustled as Alec imagined him sitting up.

“I don’t know what to do, Castiel.”

“What do you mean?”

“Magnus is being impossible.”

“Talk to me, love.”

Alec sighed, settling down on the couch. He felt tired suddenly. “He thinks I’ve been ignoring him. So, we just had a fight. I have to leave you to go save him after every fight he has with his – _girlfriend_. I’m left here… Castiel, I’m always there for him. What more can I do!”

“That sounds unfair, love. It’s unfair to place the entire blame on you. But maybe – just hear me out – Maybe, Magnus feels like you don’t care whether he talks to you or not. If you told him that you miss him or that you are hurt by this behaviour-“

“I don’t want to.”

“Take your time, but don’t lose your friend, Alec.”

Alec swallowed thickly but didn’t say anything.

“You don’t have to say or do anything right now. It’s okay to be hurt, Alec.”

“Thank you, Castiel. I’ll miss you tonight.”

“I’ll miss you too. Good night.”

 

Magnus bit the inside of his lip, looking at the back of Alec’s head. He had not expected the amount of love in Alec’s voice as he talked to Castiel. He knew he was at fault. He knew that he had wronged Alec. But he had honestly expected him to raise more of a fight. But if he wasn’t going to… Then it obviously meant that Alec didn’t care about him. He was doing alright without Magnus.

He turned the shirt around in his hand and sighed, padding back to the bed. He had thought an apology, or another fight would get them somewhere. But now he saw that it was pointless. Alec had moved on. And he was doing well. Without Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus only heard Alec's side of the conversation. I just thought I should mention that.
> 
> Also, babes, the story is 60k strong and already written, which is why I'm posting every day. What I mean is, this will definitely be completed. Love you guys! <3
> 
> Together we can get through this. We will. All of us. Thanks for having my back, you guys. I appreciate each and every one of you. 
> 
> Also, I'm extremely boring when it comes to food choices. Maybe I'm better at writing a food scene with Indian food (I'm from India) but if I have to write in an American context, I just get so fucking confused. Which is why you'll see a lot of pasta. I love pasta. Now, I want pasta. MooooOOOoOooOooOOOOOOM.


	17. Unspooled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A get-together and falling apart.

“Izzy,” Alec grinned as he hugged his younger sister.

Isabelle grinned at him, hugging him back. She was followed by Simon, Raphael, Clary and Jace, all piling into his apartment. He had met each of them separately, but their weekly meetings had been disrupted by the absence of Magnus and then Alec being busy with Castiel. Isabelle was the second best at planning and organizing parties. She had finally gotten them all together.

Everyone took their usual place around the television. Simon and Raphael walked over to the kitchen, mostly to play around with the food. They loved cooking at Alec’s because he never complained about the mess they created, mostly because they cleaned it up after they were done. The rest were more anal about the pre-dirtying of the kitchen.

“So, he’s a doctor?” Clary was asking Isabelle, her elbow on her knee and leaning forwards towards her. The best part about talking to Clary was her body language – she showed her interest in the conversation very effectively.

“Yeah,” Isabelle answered with a bright grin. “A pediatric surgeon. He’s really sweet.”

“We’d love to meet him, Izzy,” Clary replied, grinning back.

“Yeah,” Jace agreed.

When Alec joined them, all three stopped talking to look at him. He frowned at them. “Do I have something on my face?” He set Virginia Woof on his lap, scratching behind her ears.

“No,” Isabelle answered, carefully.

“Then what?”

“You seem good,” Clary noted.

“Yeah,” Jace agreed again, his head mirroring the incline of Clary’s.

Alec laughed, both at their expressions and the words. “I’m sorry? I’ll try to be more miserable?”

Isabelle shook her head. “No, don’t get us wrong. It’s just… Magnus has dropped us out of his life. I don’t agree with him-“

“Wait, you all too?” Alec asked, bewildered.

“Yeah,” Clary said, clearing her throat and ducking her head.

Jace’s hand shot out to rub her back, consolingly.

“I thought he was being extra dick-ish towards me.”

“No, it’s all of us. Look, we love him. No matter what. But we’re not going to chase after him if he’s decided to make the wrong choices.”

Alec felt a sense of defence bubbling up. “Izzy, he’s in love with her. Maybe he’s just… Looking for his happiness.”

“Alec, no,” Clary started.

He saw it in the line of her jaw and the glint of her eye. He believed her.

“I needed to get a jacket from him. He had ordered it for me months ago and only just received it. I went over to his apartment and entered like I always did. I stopped when I heard Camille and Magnus fighting. Look, they were fighting about us. She forbade him to see us. Now, I understand what being in love is like,” Jace squeezed her shoulder. “But he’s a grownup. He can make his own choices.”

Alec ran a hand over his face, sighing. “I… That’s awful. I can’t believe he’d…” An image of Magnus asking him what to do. “I think… I might be at fault here.”

“What do you mean?” Isabelle asked, taking his hand.

“He, well, he got drunk one night. I think he’d had a fight with Camille or something. So, he asked me to get him home. Instead, I brought him here. I mean he didn’t want to go home, not really-“

“Alec. How is this your fault?” Jace reminded him.

“Right, sorry. So, he asked me what he should do, and I told him to do what made him happy.”

“Am I missing something here?” Jace asked, looking around at everyone.

“Big brother, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Isabelle told him, shaking her head.

“No, I think he thinks that his happiness is keeping Camille happy. And I led him right to her.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes. “You didn’t do anything, Alec. It’s not your fault.”

Alec didn’t buy it. “Okay, well then. Castiel’s theory is that he’s trying to get attention and none of us is giving it to him, so he thinks we don’t care.”

“That’s the stupidest thing ever,” Clary exclaimed, leaning back on the couch.

“No, it could actually make sense,” Isabelle said, thoughtfully. “Doesn’t it sound like Magnus to… Feel estranged and try to find out in the stupidest way possible whether it is true?”

Clary huffed. “Well.” She shrugged but seemed to agree.

“We should help him,” Jace noted. “He’s still our friend.”

“Before we help that idiota, let’s feast,” Raphael announced, bringing mini pizzas, and paella to the table. “I made the paella, of course. Simon made the pizzas.”

“And poured the drinks,” Simon added, bringing the glasses in.

They settled in the empty spaces, handing out plates to everyone. Alec got up to get the alcohol and started pouring it out for everyone. Isabelle got up to put on a movie and when they all finally agreed on one, they completely ignored it and continued talking.

~*~

“Darling,” Camille called from the bedroom.

The click-clack of her heels followed, and Magnus turned around instantly. He didn’t want her to feel ignored. He could understand how that felt.

“Yes, my love?”

“I was just thinking we should move. I could get a new job and I know that you’ll have much better opportunities as a designer out of here. This is a dump.” She gestured around at everything.

Magnus flinched and looked away. “Well, all my friends are here.”

“Oh, come on, Mags. Do you really think they care?”

“I… I suppose they would care if I did leave the city.”

“I don’t think so, darling,” Camille said, sweetly. She stepped closer to Magnus kissing him on the lips.

“But-“

She kissed him again, harder this time. “You know that they don’t care, Mags. Besides,” she continued, turning around and walking away from Magnus. “You care about me now. Don’t you?”

Magnus swallowed thickly. “Of course I do, love.”

“Are you sure?”

“Camille… I do. I love you. A lot. You’re my prime priority.”

“Then,” she asked, pulling something out from the drawer near her. She tossed the box at Magnus’s feet. “Why do you have something packed up for Alec?”

Magnus picked up the now unpacked box. The contents of the box were completely shattered. He gasped softly, mostly to himself. He could not imagine anyone breaking the priceless vase he had gotten Alec that was a close replica from the Aztec era.

“Why?” he asked, feeling angry.

“Why!” Camille screamed. “You ask me, why! How dare you! You never get me expensive presents! Everything is for Alec! If you care about him so much, then why are you with me! I should just leave.” She started to stomp towards the door.

Magnus caught her hand. “No! Camille, please. Don’t leave, please! I’m sorry, okay. I love you. Besides I got you a new bracelet.”

“Where is it?” she asked, turning around, sniffling.

Magnus led her to his room and handed her the delicate bracelet.

“That is gorgeous, Magnus. I wish it was more expensive, though.” She put the bracelet on, observing it from every angle.

“I’ll do better,” he murmured, softly.

“Good,” she answered, kissing him. “And remember, only us. You and I.”

“You and I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked the chapter. Thanks for continuing to comment. 
> 
> I tried to give a bit of Camille and Magnus's side. I hate what that looks like right now but I guess it's meant to. I hope you guys agree and hang on for a bit longer.


	18. Pride Cometh Before the Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Alec have questions.

Ben considered the movie playing on _Lifetime_ , leaning against his mother. He wasn’t sure what to make of the romance. In the end, the main lady did not get the man she loved. He went on to be with someone he _really_ loved. Ben wasn’t sure what that meant. He guessed he was too young to yet. He maybe would understand when he was older, but right now, it just didn’t make sense.

But it put a thought in his head that he couldn’t let go of.

“Dean?” Ben said, padding down the stairs, carefully later in the day.

Dean was standing near the door. He looked up and grinned at Ben, just like he had made his day. Ben loved Dean. He wasn’t his real father, but he felt like that. He was the best man his mother had ever dated. Not only did he make his mother happy, but he also took great care of Ben. He remembered when he had just met Dean and he had helped him fend off some bullies. Dean had been a good influence; he helped with Ben’s homework, helped with driving him around.

“Yeah, Ben?” he asked, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, bud,” he responded, leading him to the kitchen. “Would you like a sandwich?”

“Yes, please.” Ben took a seat at the counter, watching Dean cut up the vegetables.

“Shoot, kid.”

“I was watching a movie with mom today. It was one of those chick flicks that you don’t like. I’m just curious, Dean.”

“Okay, I don’t really understand where you’re going with this, but I’m scared.” He tossed a grin over his shoulder to let Ben know that he was kidding.

Ben laughed quietly. “I just mean… You love mom, Dean?”

Dean set down the knife and turned around. “I do, Ben. Why do you ask?”

Ben didn’t answer. “Do you love Uncle Sam?”

“Not always,” he evaded. “I’m kidding, I do.”

“Do you love Uncle Cas?”

“He is my best friend.”

“But do you love him?”

“I think so. Why are you asking me all this?”

“Do you think you would be happier with Castiel than with mom and me?”

“Ben, what the hell are you talking about?”

But before Dean could complete his thought or Ben could answer, Lisa entered the kitchen with groceries.

“Hey, boys!” She grinned at them and started putting the groceries away. “Come on, Ben. Help me.”

“I’ll make another sandwich,” Dean added, turning around.

“Thanks, babe,” Lisa answered, kissing Dean.

~*~

Alec stood outside the door, considering his options. He shouldn’t do this. Maybe. But Jace and he had discussed this at length. They had both agreed that interfering with Magnus’s relationship on their own was not a great idea. It was more likely that they would ruin things further. Camille had him tied around her little finger and he wasn’t going to believe them.

So, their best option was Magnus’s oldest best friend. Well, that was more probably Ragnor, but they had never been able to get a straight answer out of them. Whenever Magnus made them happy, they took their own names and when Magnus fucked up, they claimed that it was the other.

Ragnor liked Clary the best and she was willing to talk to him, but she didn’t think that he’d be willing to do anything. He loved Magnus but gave advice only when asked or was too drunk. It didn’t seem like a sustainable option.

So, the best option left for Alec was to talk to Catarina. She would be able to get through to him, he hoped. Besides, she was the most level-headed person Alec knew. If there was anyone in the world who could take Magnus’s insults and arrogance that turned up when he was angry, it was Catarina. The only reason Alec was having trouble actually talking to her was that he couldn’t help but feel like a failure. He felt like he had let Magnus and all of their friends down. He should have been able to save Magnus.

Alec breathed deeply and knocked.

Catarina opened the door, looking as glamorous as usual. Her circular gold earrings sparkled under her dark hair and she smiled when she saw Alec. “Alec,” she greeted him, letting him inside the house.

Her house was as big as Magnus’s, but it looked like the negative film of his apartment. His apartment was full of trinkets and things he loved; he loved a lot of things. Catarina, on the other hand, was minimalist. Her apartment was functional and carefully made.

Alec followed Catarina into the living room and took a seat. She took a seat opposite him.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I came here to talk about Magnus,” he started after a moment of silence.

Catarina sighed and rested her palms on her knees, leaning forward slightly. “What about him?” She smiled tightly.

“Well, Magnus and Camille, actually. Something doesn’t feel right about them.”

“I know. I see it too. But I don’t know what to do about that, Alec.”

“Look, I know it won’t be easy-“

“It’s not about the difficulty of the task that bothers me. It’s the fact that Magnus is almost thirty. He makes his own decisions. He’s a big boy and I’m not his mother.”

Alec watched her quietly. “I understand that, Cat.” He used the moniker she only allowed Magnus to use but she softened. “I do. I don’t know what we can say to him to convince him to listen to us, honestly. I know he’s old enough. But he’s our friend. Don’t you think he’d do the same for us?”

Catarina looked down, closing her eyes and clasping her hands together. “Why have you come to me?” she asked finally.

“Because Camille won’t let him near me. The only times we’ve talked are when he was drunk and honestly, it didn’t go so well.”

She got up, sighing. “I thought if there was anyone he’d listen to it would be you.”

“Honestly, I thought it would be you.”

She laughed. “I don’t know what I can say that would possibly convince him. You know how he gets when he’s in love. He won’t see anything wrong with her.”

“That’s why I’m here. We can strategize this… I-I don’t know either, okay? But we have to try. We have to save him.”

Catarina shook her head. “You are determined, aren’t you?”

Alec grit his teeth and shrugged, definitively.

She smiled at him warmly. “You’re a good man, Alec. Magnus is lucky to have your love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like Ben and I really like Dean's relationship with him. He's such a sweetheart around kids. 
> 
> The story is gonna get a little bit painful now, I feel. We're just halfway through but there are going to be a lot of questions, confessions and fights soon. Just thought I'd prepare you.
> 
> As always thank you for your comments.
> 
> Also, ayyyyyy! 69 comments. Hehehhehehehehehe.


	19. Delite-ful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean mends bridges.   
> Alec strategises.

Charlie Bradbury looked around the Café Delite. It was a very unlikely place for Dean to pick as a meetup spot. There could only be two explanations for this: he had changed in the last few months since the proposal or he didn’t want anyone to find him. She wasn’t sure which it was but what she did know was that she was still angry.

When she saw Dean walk in, she thought she’d feel angry. But she had missed him, and she was happy to see him again.

“Charlie,” he addressed her, smiling apologetically.

She got up, wordlessly and then hugged him. He hugged her back, relief apparent in his stance.

“I’ve missed your stupid ass.”

“So have I,” he replied, quietly.

They settled on opposite sides of the booth. Charlie smiled at him. Dean ducked his head, almost shy. “I’m still angry with you, by the way.”

Dean sighed. “I’m sure. I said… I said some pretty ugly things to you.”

“It’s not about that, Dean. You-“

“Let’s not… Please let’s not start again. I’m sorry, Charlie. I should have talked to you before this.”

Charlie didn’t say anything. “I got your invitation to the wedding.”

Dean smiled slightly. “I’m glad.”

“So, since when do we meet at cafés? I mean, I like it. I do. But it’s not your style.”

Dean huffed a laugh and shook his head. “I don’t know what to say. I guess I like it.”

“Well, you could start by not lying.”

“Fine,” Dean sighed.

Charlie had always been smart. She had a Masters in IT and was working at a top software company as an Ethical Hacker. Not only was she good at computers, but she was also perceptive. She was great at talking to people; she claimed it was the years she worked in retail to pay off her debt before she realized she could just use ‘ethical hacking’ for that.

Dean rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Alright. I didn’t want to be predictable.”

Charlie didn’t say anything. She kept observing him.

“I want to talk.”

“What about?”

“Something personal.”

“Dean.”

“Fine… I’ve been thinking.”

“Must be painful.”

“Shut up.”

“Dean, just spit it out.”

“Ben said some things the other day. And I’ve been thinking ever since.”

“I know I’m the closest to his age out of everyone you know, but that doesn’t mean I understand teenage boys, Dean. So, what did he say?”

Dean rolled his eyes at her. “Remember what we fought about?”

“Yes, of course. You were hiding your big gay feelings for your best friend. By making the worst mistake ever and marrying Lisa.”

Dean froze and looked at Charlie.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was I supposed to protect your feelings?”

“Charlie, will you help or not?” He snapped.

“Dean, you treated me like crap and then did not talk to me for months and now you suddenly need my help, so, you called me. And I’m here. So, I’m not happy about it but I’ll help.”

Dean looked like he had whiplash. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I did call you for help. I understand if you won’t help me.”

“Of course, I will, doofus. I love you, Dean. But you are a pain in my ass.”

The tension was released. Dean laughed and smiled slightly at Charlie. “Ben asked me whether I loved Castiel,” he finally blurted out.

“What did you say?”

“I said that I think so.”

“What if I ask you?”

“I do. I love him.”

“Alright. What else did Ben say?”

“He asked me whether I’d be happier being with Castiel than with the two of them.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing. Charlie that’s just… I’m not gonna back out of a marriage for a crush! Ben’s my kid. I mean not biologically but in every way that counts, yes. I want to be there for him. And Lisa! I do love them.”

“Dean, I know you do. But do not insult yourself. Do not insult Castiel by calling it a crush. You have loved him since you first saw him. I know you love Lisa and I know you love Ben. Ask yourself. When you imagine yourself happy, who is it with?”

“I-I don’t know, Charlie. How am I supposed to know this?”

“Okay, when I close my eyes, I know that if I was dating Brie Larson, I’d be happy. Now, add Janelle Monáe to the mix and I’m confused. But I close my eyes and I know it’s Brie. I don’t know how or why. Both are amazing but for some reason, Brie is it for me. Maybe it’s because she’s Captain Marvel.”

“That really doesn’t tell me anything.”

“I mean, you know the answer, Dean. You just have to stop lying to yourself.”

Dean put his head in his hands, looking chagrined. He needed to stop lying to himself. He _needed_ to _stop_ lying to himself.

“Dean, there is not just a single way to care for someone. I know you love them. I know you care about them and want to be there for them. But lying to them, lying to yourself is not the way. Look. If there is anyone in this world who can love Lisa the way you love Castiel, Dean, I think she deserves that. And Ben, you can still be there for Ben. You don’t have to be a father for that.”

When Dean looked up, he seemed haunted. It was too much to take. He had followed the plan; he had done what the right thing was. His father’s voice reverberated in his head. _Men don’t like men._ It had been said in passing. It had not even been directed at Dean, but he had internalized it so well that he believed it. It could not be true. It could not be him because he was a good son. He had to follow orders.

“Dean,” Charlie called, bringing him out of his reverie. She took his hands and pulled them away from his face. “A day at a time. You don’t have to process this all at once. There are years of homophobia there. It’s alright. Take your time.”

“How do you do it, Charlie?”

“It took me years too, Dean. I had supportive parents and it still took me a long time. We’re all here for you.”

“What do I do, Charlie?”

“One step at a time. You need to tell Lisa and Ben first. Break it to them. Then, we’ll figure out what to do next. Okay?”

“I can’t.”

“You can. Let’s hit the bar today, okay? We’ll get back to this. I promise.”

That earned her a weak smile. “Don’t embarrass me with your dance.”

“I will.”

~*~

Castiel leaned against Alec, smiling at the others. “Hello,” he said after they had all settled down around the television.

“Hey, Doctor Novak,” Isabelle replied, grinning winningly at him. There were scattered responses from the others.

Castiel laughed softly. “You can call me Castiel or Cas here, you know.”

“This is more fun,” she answered, going to the kitchen to help the usual suspects.

Alec put an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, feeling comfortable.

“So, Alec, what were you going to tell us?” Clary asked, perched on Jace’s lap.

“Well, I talked to Catarina.” He looked over at Castiel, who nodded encouragingly. They had already discussed this after Alec had gone to Castiel’s the day he met Catarina. “We think that before we can understand exactly how to get through to Magnus, we should let him know that we still care about him.”

“How do we do that?” Jace asked.

“Simple. We continue as always.” Isabelle commented, looking at Alec thoughtfully.

“Exactly,” Alec continued, shifting excitedly. “So, do what you did. Don’t expect a response. Whoever texted him, keep doing that. Whoever dropped by his house a lot, do that.”

“Ah but be careful of Camille. We don’t want it getting worse,” Castiel added, quiet and uncertain.

Alec squeezed his shoulder, reassuringly. “True.”

Clary and Jace were looking at the floor, lost in thought but Isabelle was still looking at Alec. Simon and Raphael stood leaning near the kitchen door and turned when they assumed Alec was done.

“Izzy?” Alec enquired.

“Big Brother,” she acknowledged. “I hope you’ve thought this through.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re trying to break our friend up from someone.”

“From someone toxic.”

“You know how he takes breakups.”

“He would do the same for us. The consequences of not doing this would be worse, don’t you think,” Clary interjected before Alec could say anything.

Virginia Woof yipped and jumped into Castiel’s lap, curling up to sleep. Castiel smiled at the ball of floof in his lap and stroked her tiny head. He looked up at Alec and shared a smile with him.

“Aw,” Isabelle purred, grinning mischievously at them. “You both are adorable.”

Alec rolled his eyes at her but didn’t move away from Castiel. “Shut up, Izzy.”

“Move over. We’re the cuter couple,” Simon announced, bringing out the food.

“Hey!” Clary complained. “We’re contenders,” she added, kissing Jace and smiling at him.

Alec made a retching noise that earned him a slap on the arm from Castiel, despite the smile. He smiled at the doctor and kissed him.

“You all lose. It’s Alec and Doctor Novak,” Isabelle proclaimed, definitively.

Simon huffed and turned around, catching Raphael in a kiss. Raphael squeaked, almost dropping what he was carrying. But he responded immediately, cheeks rising in colour. He looked at Simon murderously when they broke apart, but they could tell it was just a front.

“Now?” Simon asked, proudly.

Isabelle laughed. “I’m sorry, guys. I think it’s Simon and Raphael.”

“That’s alright by us,” Castiel replied.

~*~

With everyone gone, Castiel was lounging on the couch. Alec had forbidden him from helping clean up. It was Castiel’s first night at Alec’s apartment and he was trying to be a gentleman. Castiel had already told him he was being stupid. But Alec thought it was sweet and when he tried explaining it to Castiel, he couldn’t stop blushing. Castiel started to laugh and then kissed him, before going to sit on the couch.

Alec put the dishes away after wiping them and padded back to where Castiel was. He pushed Castiel towards the inside of the couch. He groaned but let Alec manhandle him. Smiling down at the man, he laid down on his side beside Castiel. It was a very tight fit and his legs were almost hanging off the hand rest, but he was comfortable where he was. Resting his head on Castiel’s chest, he sighed softly.

“You know there’s a perfectly good bed in your room,” Castiel commented, stroking Alec’s hair anyway.

Alec could hear the smile in his voice, and he kissed Castiel’s chest over his shirt. The other man ran and a hand through his hair and over his spine. He tapped Alec’s shoulder and when he looked up, Castiel kissed him. Alec shuddered and kissed him back, shifting to tower over Castiel. He tugged Alec over himself, moving to accommodate Alec’s knees around his hips.

“So, couch and then bed?” Alec asked, playfully.

Castiel nodded, already pulling off Alec’s shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore Charlie a lot. She's the best. 
> 
> I love the concept of friends, hah! 
> 
> Also Castialec somehow turned out to be very wholesome. Never fear though. What is wholesome today can be absolute shit tomorrow. I'm kidding.
> 
> Mostly.
> 
> Also, find me on spideypoolmymoonandstars.tumblr.com if you want to talk. I have one more fic in the works and another I want to write badly. Find me there. Yay. 
> 
> I actually intended this chapter to be half the length it actually is but then the parts just went together so I thought I'd put them together.


	20. Chinese Whisper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie finally draws out a confession.

Charlie wondered if it was the right move, but she had to do something. It had been a week since she had met Dean. And even though they had talked some on texts, they had avoided the topic. Charlie was letting him off easy, however, enough was enough. The wedding was inching closer and the longer Dean put this away, the harder it would get. The more he would hurt Lisa and Ben.

Charlie drove her car into the garage and smiled at Bobby. She waved at him, stepping out of the car.

“I think there’s something broken,” she said evasively.

Bobby frowned at her. “When I first met you five years ago, you told me what was wrong with your car down to a T. So, ya can’t fool me, ya idjit. What are you really doing here?”

Charlie sighed. “I’m looking for Dean.”

“And why is that?”

“Bobby,” Dean called, wiping his grease off his hands with a cloth and nodding at Charlie. “We can talk in the office.”

“I’m comin’ too,” Bobby announced.

“Actually, could I talk to him for a few minutes? Alone,” Charlie enquired, hesitantly.

Bobby considered the two of them and then nodded.

Dean led Charlie inside the office. He kept his back to her, fearful of what she had to tell him. He had been deep in thought since his last chat with her and he still didn’t know what to do. Maybe in words, it was easy to understand the overall concept, but the execution was so difficult. He just wasn’t sure how he could break off the engagement and explain just why he was doing this. Not only to Lisa and Ben, but to himself. Why would he do something like this when he had a perfectly good life? It was all falling into place and now his heart had decided something else was the right thing? Why? How did it make any sense?

But the words that Charlie had said about not being true to Lisa… They made him rethink everything. If there was anyone in the world who could love her right, who was he to stop that. Besides, it wasn’t like everything was perfect. He was anxious about what the right thing to do was since the beginning of the relationship. He had barely gotten over his insecurities and the thought just added to the anxiety. Logically, he knew that that wasn’t what Charlie meant entirely.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?” he asked pretending to busy himself with the files on the desk.

“Have you talked to Lisa?”

“About what?” He feigned stupidity.

“Dean.”

He sighed and set the files away. Turning around, he looked at Charlie. “I don’t know, okay?”

“You have to think fast.”

“Damn it, Charlie. I know!”

“Dean, your wedding is in two months!”

“I know!”

“This is unfair. To Lisa, to Cas, to Ben. To you.”

“Charlie…” He sat down in a chair.

“Dean, listen to me. I know this is difficult. But there is only one right answer. Time is running out. You have to make your decision.”

“I know you’re right…”

“Look. How about this. You start small. Admit the truth to yourself. Then, me. Then, Bobby. Sam… You get the picture.”

“I’m not a lot into Chinese whisper,” he told her, sarcastically.

“I don’t know how else to help you, Dean.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I’m your friend. I want to.”

“Stop with the chick-flick moments.”

“I’ll stop when you admit it.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“I can’t.”

“You can!”

“I can _not_.”

“You _can_.”

“Charlie-“

“Say it, Dean!”

“Fine! I’m in love with Cas.”

Charlie fell quiet. She had wanted to hear this but once she did, she wasn’t quite sure what that reaction was.

Dean immediately looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He ran a hand over his face.

“Good,” she said finally, rising to her full height and grinning at him. “First step.”

He huffed and rolled his eyes. “This is the first time I’ve actually said it.”

“Do you feel better?”

Dean considered that. “Weirdly, yes.”

“That’s good, Dean. I’m happy to hear that.” She smiled at him.

“What’s the next step, then, Yoda?” He asked, only partly sarcastic.

She smiled. “Bobby.”

He threw his hand up, grimacing at the thought of telling the old grouch anything.

“I’ll go get him,” Charlie said, helpfully.

Bobby came in. “So, am I finally going to find out what’s got your panties in the bunch the past few weeks?”

Dean exhaled, trying not to roll his eyes. “You’re nosey, you know that.”

“I do. But I think I’ve earned it. After all your complainin’ and bitchin’.”

“Fine,” Dean grumbled. “I… I have a couple of things to say, I guess.” He looked at Charlie who nodded encouragingly at him. “You know I’m marrying Lisa. A few days ago… Ben asked me a few things. A-about Castiel.”

“And?”

“I think I may have made a mistake, Bobby. I’m marrying the wrong person.”

It was Bobby’s turn to huff and grumble. “Don’t get me wrong. I love you like my own, Dean. But you are one thick son of a bitch.”

Dean looked at him surprised. “What are you sa-“

“I’m sayin’ you’re an idjit. I thought you accepted it and moved on, but I didn’t care to think that you were so _dense_ that you forgot to mention it to yourself.”

Dean ran a hand over his mouth. “I don’t know what to do.”

“That’s on you, Dean,” he replied, softening. “You gotta choose what you want out of this. If only you didn’t have your head up your ass, this would have been a lot easier.”

Dean huffed a short laugh. “Charlie here thinks I need to break it off with Lisa and tell Cas.”

“What do you think?”

Nobody had asked him that. “I can’t hurt Lisa. She deserves better.”

“If this is some insecurity trip, I ain’t got time for that,” Bobby groused.

“It’s not, Bobby. At least not entirely.”

“I’ll take that. So, what are you going to do?”

“Tell Lisa,” he answered, finally.

~*~

Dean set a chilled beer in front of Sam and settled in a seat adjacent him. He pushed away Ben’s book that he had left before he ran off to join his friends outside. He took a long draught of his own beer.

“So, Bobby told me I should be asking you some questions. Any idea what he’s talking about?” Sam asked, holding the beer bottle between his hands.

“Well… I have news.”

“Go on. Don’t keep me waiting here.”

“I think I’m going to break up with Lisa.”

“What? Why, Dean? Did something happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Calm down. It’s nothing like that…” He paused to drink more of his beer. “I’ve been lying to myself for years, Sammy. I think I… No, I know that I’m in love with Cas.”

Sam nodded, looking chagrined. “That took you long enough.”

“Was everyone aware of this before me?”

“I guess.” Sam laughed and shrugged.

They fell quiet with Dean grumbling to himself.

“This is going to get messy… I don’t envy you.”

“It’s gonna be hard telling her. I don’t know how to say that I can’t get into a marriage knowing it ain’t right, man. I can’t marry her, Sammy. Not when I know everything that I know now. I shouldn’t marry her.”

There was the sound of glass breaking from behind Dean. He jumped and looked around directly at Lisa, her hand poised in the air and a broken beer bottle at her feet. She stared at Dean for a few moments before turning around and getting out the back door, where she must have come from presumably.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean murmured, following her. “Lisa,” he called to her retreating back.

She turned around, angry and hugging herself. “What?”

“This isn’t how I wanted to tell you. Believe me.”

“That isn’t the problem! Dean, how dare you! Two months, Dean. You’ve ruined everything and for what? Because it isn’t right? What the hell does that even mean! You asked me to marry you! And if you’d remember, I warned you that it would be permanent!”

“Lisa, please. Hear me out-“

“Hear you out! Why! How will that help-“ She broke off, a sob bubbling up her throat and then she was crying in earnest.

Dean stepped forward but she stumbled back.

“No!” she cried out.

“Lisa, please. Please, listen to me. Please. Just give me one chance.”

She swallowed back her tears but didn’t say anything.

Taking his cue, Dean continued. “This is not about you. I, Ben asked me something and I freaked out.” He saw her expression. “Uh, he asked me whether I loved you and him. I said, yes. Of course, I do, Lisa. But then he asked me whether I loved Cas.”

She paused at that, seeming confused. “What?”

“Lisa… I love him. I’ve loved him since-since a long time. And… I want to do right by you. Right by Ben. I love you. Lisa, I really do. But I can’t put you through this if there is something better waiting for you out there.”

“Who are you to make that decision for me?”

Dean looked away at that, unsure of what to say. “Do you still want to marry me after that?” he asked, eventually.

“No,” she answered stoically. “Dean, don’t make this about me. This is about you. You can’t imagine a future with me if you can have a future with Cas.”

He clamped down at the words, ducking his head as his eyes slid shut. “I’m sorry, Lisa.”

“I’m… I’m gonna go live with my sister for a while.”

Dean nodded. “I really am sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets a little messy starting from here.
> 
> I got an ask who wanted to know whether this is a Malec fic.
> 
> So, it is. But it's also a Destiel fic. This chapter doesn't have any Shadowhunters characters but they will be there in the next one. But it is a slow burn. SLOOOWWW BURN. I love those.
> 
> Thanks for your comments. They really make my day. <3 Love you all. I hope you're still enjoying.


	21. Love is in the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is sick of confessions.

“Doctor Lightwood?” Castiel smiled at Isabelle, inclining his head in the direction of his office.

Isabelle yawned and smiled at him. “Hey, Doctor Novak.” She followed him without question and settled heavily in one of the chairs.

“How’re you doing?” he asked, taking a seat behind the table and looking at her.

She grinned cheekily at him. “I’m doing well. How are you?”

“I’m well too. How long have you been awake now?”

Isabelle looked at her watch and laughed softly. “Almost forty hours, now.”

“Doesn’t get old, does it?”

“Not at all.”

Castiel smiled. “As I told all the residents already, you can use my office during your break hours. Whether it is to take a nap, or just rest, or whatever, my office is always open.”

She smiled back and reached out to squeeze his hand. “You’re amazing. You know that.”

Castiel laughed, ducking his head. “There is a lot of similarity between Alec, Jace, and you.”

Isabelle gave a lopsided grin. “We share a single brain cell.”

“I don’t understand that reference.” He inclined his head, brows furrowed.

“Never mind.” Her phone buzzed. “I need to go. I’ll see you later?”

Castiel nodded. He settled in his seat, comfortably, getting back to the reports he was poring over. He looked up at the time after a while, finding that it was almost time for lunch. Dean and he had continued their Friday afternoon lunches. Dean had seemed a little off the past few weeks but Castiel still looked forward to them. It was good seeing Dean.

When he reached _The Roadhouse_ that day, he didn’t find Dean in the usual booth. He looked up at Ellen who nodded at the darkened figure sitting at the bar. Castiel hadn’t even noticed the bar. He frowned but walked over to Dean. The man was deep in thought, drinking a beer for lunch. He hadn’t noticed that Castiel was there.

Castiel touched his shoulder, lightly, taking a seat beside him. Ellen brought their food to the bar, setting it in front of them and leaving them alone. Castiel smiled in gratitude and turned to Dean, who was observing as though he had just seen him for the first time. Castiel was taken aback by the observation and waved slightly in Dean’s face.

“Hey,” he murmured. “I’m Castiel. And you are?”

Dean smiled softly at him, as though he was relieved by that. “Hey, I’m Dean. I’m just here for a couple of months.”

“Oh yeah? Does that entail some weird sort of friendship with a lot of bluster?”

“It sure does.”

Castiel laughed, ducking his head. “Are you alright?” he asked, sincerely.

“I’m okay, Cas.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“I broke off the wedding,” Dean replied, not looking at Castiel. He took a long draught from his beer.

“What? Why, Dean? Did something happen?”

“I… Nothing happened. Just… Realized that it wasn’t the right thing to do.”

“What… What do you mean, Dean?”

“Lisa deserved better,” he said, grimacing as though he had tasted something bitter.

“Dean… That’s not true. She loves you. Ben loves you. You’re happy.” He paused. “Aren’t you?”

When Dean looked at him, there were unshed tears in his eyes. It broke Castiel’s heart. He couldn’t bear to look at Dean hurt.

Dean laughed, wiping a hand over his eyes. He hung his head between his arms, breathing deeply. “I was happy. I think I was. But… Cas, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Whatever you need, Dean.”

“There’s nothing,” he huffed softly. He looked up, his eyes shining. “I don’t need anything from you, Cas. I just… I need to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“I need to apologize for everything.”

“Dean, you did that. Already. It’s okay.”

“No, this is about lying to you. Before this, I didn’t know what I was apologizing for. Now, I know. I’m so sorry I put you through so much, Cas. I lied to you and I lied to myself. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but I hope you can.”

“Dean, I don’t think I understand.”

“Cas, I love you.”

“Dean…”

“I mean, I’m in love with you.”

“Dean, I-I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“I’m with Alec.”

“I know. I just had to tell you. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well. You shouldn’t have,” Castiel said, flustered and feeling hot. He pulled at his tie, pushing the collar away. He stumbled off the chair and back. “I need to go.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean murmured.

Castiel didn’t answer. He left. When he got back to the office, he still couldn’t breathe. So, he threw himself into work. He felt better when the day was over, and he could go back home. He could pretend that whatever had happened in the afternoon wasn’t real. Continuing on his roll, he went home. When he reached there, it was like he had almost forgotten that Alec existed. He had conveniently put everything out of his head.

He stood at the door of his room where Alec was asleep in bed. He was holding Castiel’s pillow close to him with his phone still in his hand. Castiel’s heart grew a few sizes. It wasn’t the worst thing seeing Alec there. He had never let Castiel down. Really, it was okay if this was the rest of his life.

Castiel toed his shoes off and tossed his coat to a side. He undid his pants and let them fall to the floor. Stepping closer, he tried to get into bed, tugging his pillow from Alec.

Alec grumbled, tugging it back. “My boyfriend doesn’t like that.”

Castiel laughed, blindsided. “What? Alec, it’s me.”

Alec opened one eye and then grinned to himself, soft and sweet. “No, my boyfriend doesn’t like strange men in my bed.”

Now he was just playing.

Castiel laughed and tried to get into bed. Alec pushed him out.

“No.”

“Alec, stop.”

“Only my boyfriend can sleep with me.”

Castiel laughed. “Fine, I’ll just sleep on the floor.”

Alec tugged his arm and pulled him into bed, now, smiling and kissing him. Castiel chuckled and kissed him back. Alec wrapped his arms around Castiel, tangling their legs. He kissed Castiel’s forehead and nuzzled his hairline.

“I love you,” Alec murmured. He looked at Castiel, half-lidded, nervousness apparent in his shoulders.

Castiel was shocked for a moment. What was with today and people telling him that they loved him. He swore that if another person told him they loved him now, he’d swear off love. But really, what had been difficult with Dean… The same hangups did not exist here, so, he couldn’t help but smile. For a second, he was hit with how young Alec looked like this; vulnerable and scared.

He kissed Alec and then pushed him on his back. He kept kissing him, getting on top of him. Pulling away, he pressed their foreheads together with a smile.

“You know you don’t have to say it,” Alec started to mutter nervously. “It’s alright if you don’t. I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m s-“

Castiel kissed him again just to shut him up. “I love you too,” he told him.

And he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left this as a short chapter because I wanted to give you a cliffhanger. Sorry.
> 
> I actually went through a chunk of the story and realised that there'll be less of Castiel for a bit and more of the Magnus and Alec side.  
> If you guys want a significantly longer chapter tomorrow, let me know. Otherwise, I'll cut off where I feel it looks right. I want to make this as interesting and engaging as possible. I hope I'm doing that justice.
> 
> Drop by my tumblr to talk: spideypoolmymoonandstars.tumblr.com. 
> 
> Thanks. <3


	22. Different Strokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is trying.  
> The power of friendship.  
> The Lightwoods are in town.

Castiel was thinking a lot these days. The happiness that he had felt seeing Alec had weaned off. It seemed to consume hours of his time and he just wasn’t sure what he was thinking about. He guessed it was about what Dean had said and then he tracked down his thoughts and at the back of his head, while he worked, played the movie of what would have happened if this had happened years ago. How that would have changed things.

Now, whenever he saw Alec in bed, he was glad for his presence, but he felt as though he was lying to him. Maybe he was. He hadn’t told him about Dean and that felt like a betrayal. However, the fact that he had told Alec he loved him made him shrivel inside with terror on having lied. Did he lie? Was he in love with Alec? He had felt so sure when he said it to him but not so sure of himself anymore. He couldn’t imagine hurting Alec.

But then he’d never have met Alec. He knew he had changed things when he told Alec he loved him. However, there was nothing false about it. He wasn’t lying when he said it. He loved Alec. He had to believe that. Maybe it wasn’t as much as he loved Dean but that came with baggage. He knew that Alec felt the same about Magnus. There was history for both of them, but they were trying to heal.

They were healing. He had to believe that too.

“Castiel,” Alec called from the couch, trying to select a movie on Netflix. “Are you in the mood for something light or something we can fall asleep to?”

Castiel was lost in thought and didn’t hear him. He was trying to get a salad together for dinner, hands moving automatically to mix the nuts and vegetables. He added a layer of dressing and popped a cherry tomato in his mouth.

“Castiel?” Alec called, getting up to walk to the kitchen.

Alec touched Castiel’s shoulder, and he jumped in response.

“Sorry, I was lost in thought. Anything else in your salad?” Castiel asked, reddening.

Alec tasted a bit of the salad and nodded. “It’s great,” he responded. “Are you okay? What are you thinking about?” He jumped up and sat on the counter, full attention turned towards Castiel.

Castiel smiled. “Just of work. A few cases.” He shrugged.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

“Yes.” Castiel nodded and reached up to kiss Alec. “Let’s go watch the movie. What did you pick?”

“That’s what I was asking you actually. Do you want to watch something light or something we can fall asleep to?”

Castiel shrugged, following Alec to the couch. “Whatever you want.” He plopped down heavily on to the couch.

“You seem tired. I’m picking something we can sleep to,” Alec decided to put on _The Legend of Boggy Creek_.

Castiel looked at the title and laughed. “What is that?”

“It’s on IMDB’s list of movies to fall asleep to. Jace made us watch a lot of them. He went through the list. I never got to complete it with him. Apparently, Clary and he have moved on.” Alec took his own bowl and settled down beside Castiel.

“The movie is as bad as its name.”

“It gets worse.”

Castiel chuckled.

As the night and the movie progressed, Castiel leaned into Alec, falling asleep just a quarter into the movie. Alec carried him to bed, letting him down gently and getting in after him.

~*~

Dean stood at the doorstep. His home resonated with emptiness. He didn’t want to go in and see all the empty places Lisa and Ben had left behind. He sighed and stepped inside anyway. Walking over to the kitchen, he got himself a bottle of water. He had made the right choice going there because nothing had changed in the kitchen. The dishes were washed, and the counter was wiped clean.

There was a knock at the door, and he couldn’t help but feel a spike of hope. He fought it down. Ignoring the entire house, he beelined straight to the door, swinging it open.  

Sam and Jess stood at the door. Jess waved at him, reaching up to hug him.

“Hey,” Jess murmured, holding on a second longer than usual.

Sam patted his shoulder, following Jess inside the house. “Hey.”

Dean watched them pile inside; both of them looking suddenly awkward. When Jess saw Dean, she took the lead.

“So, we have news,” she said, injecting excitement into her voice.

From what Dean could see, the excitement was not entirely artificial. Just mixed with a note of uncertainty. He hated that they had to worry about his state of mind. He pushed his own compunctions away and smiled at her.

“Yeah? What’s that?” he asked, taking the lead this time and heading to the living area with confidence that he didn’t feel. “I’m gonna get a beer for us.”

“Not for me. Just water, please,” Jess added.

“Let me help you,” Sam started.

“Oh, no. It’s just a beer, Sammy.”

Sam took the hint and took a seat. Dean joined them with two beers and a glass of water for Jess.

“So, what’s it about?” Dean inquired.

The two of them shared a look before Jess looked at him, her eyes twinkling.

“I’m pregnant.” She could barely hold back her happiness.

Dean grinned; all worries forgotten. He was going to be an uncle. What could possibly compare to that? “That’s amazing.” He laughed and pulled Jess out of her seat to hug her tightly. He clapped Sam on the shoulder, loudly. “This is absolutely amazing. Besides, you guys already earned a point in my book when you chose not to say, ‘we’re pregnant’.”

“And we have more news,” Jess added.

“You havin’ twins?” Dean joked weakly.

Jess laughed, politely. “No, we’re moving in a couple of days. Our house had a pest problem. So, we thought we’d come to stay here.”

Dean ducked his head to hide his smile. They were so transparent in their attempt to be there for him, but he didn’t mind that. Besides, they were mostly doing that to avoid him refusing to be there. So, he was going to take this. He was going to accept their help.

“I’ll go get the luggage from the car,” Sam announced, leaving.

“So, how are you?” Jess murmured once they were alone; letting him decide if he wanted to ignore the question.

“I’m alright, Jess,” he responded.

She got up to squeeze his shoulder. “I’m going to start on dinner,” she called over her shoulder.

When Sam returned with the luggage, he divided his time between the kitchen and watching TV with Dean. They wouldn’t let Dean help no matter how much he insisted. He even used the this-is-my-house card, but it didn’t help. Instead, he got couch duty to find something good on Netflix. Jess told him that that was the most important job of all anyway. If he didn’t like her so much, he’d have rolled his eyes.

The doorbell rang again. Sam shared a look with Dean, who shrugged but couldn’t entirely beat down the fear rising inside him. Why was he scared? Padding over to the door, he opened it to find Charlie with a bag slung over her shoulder.

“Let me guess. Pest control?” Dean asked, rolling his eyes at her.

Charlie grinned sheepishly. “No, I’m here for you.”

“Come along. Join the party,” Dean sighed, letting her in.

“Party?” she questioned. “Oh,” she murmured, answering herself when she saw Sam who mirrored her sheepish grin.

“Guess the squad is here,” Sam said, finally.

“Hashtag squad goals,” Charlie called over her shoulder, going up the stairs to claim a room.

 

They settled together around the television; Sam and Jess on the couch, Dean on the chair and Charlie at his feet. Jess had made rice and Sam made the chicken.

A few days whiled away with all three of them living with Dean. He wouldn’t admit it, but it did make him feel better.

~*~

_Isabelle: 7:42AM:_ ___Magnus look at this. How does this look? I have a date at midnight tonight. [IMAGE ATTACHED: Isabelle dressed in a tight black dress with red heels.]_

_Biscuit: 9:41AM: Magnus! I found this amazing bakery that opened up last week. I had the most amazing blueberry cupcakes. Let’s go there someday. I hear the coffee’s great too. Let me know if you’re free on Saturday. Love you._

_Simon: 11:21AM: I just woke up. Not that I texted to tell you that. But well, I mean we are thinking of revamping the band. Again. Raphael isn’t happy about that._

_Simon: 11:22AM: But when is he ever happy about anything. I mean regarding the band. He’s generally happy with me. Outside of work. He’s a nice dude. The sweetest._

_Simon: 11:22AM: I love him._

_Simon: 11:23AM: Anyway, that wasn’t why I messaged you either. So, I was thinking we’ll rename the band and maybe that will work better? Do you think? We’re playing around with a few names. I’ll email them to you. Please help. I don’t want to be scolded by Raphael._

_Simon: 11.44AM: Less scolded. More sleep-on-the-couch._

_Biscuit’s Idiot: 01:05PM: I need a new jacket. Help. [IMAGE ATTACHED: two very similar black jackets.]_

_Raphael: 03:22PM: I’ll kill Simon if you don’t stop him. Don’t you dare let him change the band’s name._

_Missed Call: Grouchnor: 05:46PM._

_Missed Call: Cat (Not Chairman Meow): 05:49PM._

Magnus had gotten used to putting his phone away during work hours because recently he had stopped getting messages. He realized that he had stopped his frequency of replying as well but it felt like the rest of them had just started to give up. Sometimes he felt angry about that and sometimes he felt like it was his fault. Well, really, just because he had gotten busy didn’t mean that they would start ignoring him.

So, when he picked up his phone before leaving work, he was shocked to see the number of messages and they continued throughout the day. He read through them but didn’t respond. It wasn’t going to last. It would just be over tomorrow if he didn’t reply that day. Hence, he decided he wasn’t going to message anyone or call them. He’d wait.

He wasn’t sure for what, though.

The next day, he kept his phone away but when he checked it at lunch – somewhere there was a sliver of hope and a sliver of curiosity. It worked. He had messages from Isabelle, Clary and Ragnor. He frowned but replied this time; short messages, but replies, nonetheless. He got instant replies from all of them.

He couldn’t hide his happiness over that, going back into texting his friends.

Nonetheless, the person who never messaged him was Alec. He didn’t either.

~*~

“Big Brother,” Isabelle said, her voice tinny on the phone.

Alec got up and walked towards the window in his office to get better reception. The old university buildings generally had a bad network. “Hey,” he responded. “What’s up, Izzy?”

“Well, I have news,” she started, her voice clearer now. “Our parents are in town and they want to meet.”

“What?” Alec questioned. He had heard Isabelle, but he hoped that he had heard wrong.

“Mom and dad. In town. They want to meet. Jace, you and me.”

“I heard you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Oh, God, no.”

“I’ll be there, don’t worry.”

“Izzy, I don’t want to tell them about Castiel. Remember how we barely avoided telling them about Raj.”

“Alec, you’re old enough to make your own choices. It’s time to let them know. How they take it is not your responsibility. I understood that when you were sixteen. Even when you were twenty-two, but now. Alec, it’s time. Besides, Jace and I will be right there.”

Alec took a deep breath through his nose. “You’re right.”

“I am. Always. Remember that.”

Alec rolled his eyes and huffed so that she would know his response.

She laughed in response. “I’ll text you where Mom wants to meet.”

However, she didn’t have to. Right as Alec was about to leave the university, he got a call from his mother.

“Hey, Mom,” he answered, unlocking the door of his car and getting inside.

“Hi, Alec. How is my son doing?”

“I’m doing well. Izzy told me you’re in town,” he blurted out.

“Yes, I am. Sorry I couldn’t call you earlier than now. So, are you free today evening? What say? All of us at our favourite restaurant?”

“Sure, Mom.”

“See you, then, Alec. Let your siblings know.”

“Of course. See you.” He hung up.

Sighing, he drove off towards his home.

 

Jace came first and then Isabelle; both of them had decided to come to Alec’s home and then leave to meet their parents. Alec was secretly glad just so Isabelle could help him pick the right tie to go with his button-up and pants. Isabelle took a moment to smile at him about the fact that he was getting so dressed. Jace and she were more casually dressed.

Not only did he have to look like the elder, the more responsible sibling but also, he needed some confidence to tell his parents about Castiel. Things were getting serious with him and he wanted to do this right. Maybe the fact that he hadn’t been true to himself and everyone around him had brought the end to his relationship with Raj.

“Are we ready to go?” Jace asked, head lolling over the back of the chair, popping his lips out of boredom.

Isabelle kicked his shin. “Oops, sorry,” she said mock-apologetically.

Jace rolled his eyes and gathered his legs closer to the chair. “I want to get this over with as much as you all.”

Alec nodded, looking at himself in the mirror one last time before turning around on his foot. He held his hands out. “Let’s go.”

“You look great,” Isabelle spoke, kissing his cheek.

Alec drove them to the restaurant their parents were in. It was a boutique restaurant located in the basement of and owned by one of the largest hotels in New York. Alec was ten when they first went there, and he had fallen in love with the food. So had Isabelle and his mother. Jace generally preferred street food while their father was neutral about where his food came from as long as it had red meat and looked fancy. They went there often, especially to celebrate.

Later, since his parents and Max had moved away on business to Britain, the three siblings had never gone there on their own. They stuck to places they could get a beer and greasy food with a side of salad for Alec.

When the three entered the restaurant after all those years, it didn’t feel like they had ever left. They were all teenagers again, living under the thumb of their parents. Alec felt terror grip him. He couldn’t tell his parents anything. He wasn’t going to.

Isabelle saw his expression and looking back at his two siblings, Alec realized that the other two did not feel the way he did. Even though Clary was not entirely accepted by their parents, Jace did not feel the same compunctions or fear as Alec did. And they would love Castiel had he been a girl. So, seeing that, Isabelle took the lead, heading over to where their mother sat on a table with three chairs around it.

“Hey, Mom,” Isabelle greeted, hugging her.

“Isabelle!” she responded, happily.

Maryse was a tall, intimidating woman and her clothing reflected that perfectly. Somehow, though, there was something different about her. She didn’t seem to have the same authority she generally possessed. Besides, why were there just three chairs with her?

“Where’s Dad?” Alec asked after the greetings were done and they were settled in their chairs.

“Your father… He’s not going to be joining us,” she answered, carefully.

The siblings shared a look.

“What happened, Mom?” Isabelle asked.

“You were all always smart,” Maryse sighed. “Your father won’t be joining us for a while. He’s going to stay back and work in Alicante for a while.”

“Something’s wrong,” Jace pointed out; a statement, not a question.

“Your father and I are getting a divorce.”

Isabelle gasped and Jace sat back, looking contrite. Alec leaned forward and took his mother’s hand gently.

“Tell us what happened, Mom?” Alec questioned, soft and gentle.

Maryse hung her head, seeming defeated for a moment before looking up at them and smiling. “You all are old enough to know the truth. Of course, Max doesn’t know this. He’s still at school in Britain. He’s happy. But you kids are old enough. Your father was cheating on me with a lady who works with us. So, we’ve decided that separation is the best way to go.”

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Isabelle told her mother, leaning in to take her other hand.

Maryse smiled at them. “I’m alright, kids. I’m here with you now. I’m really good.” She ducked her head to hide her tears.

“You can stay here, Mom.” Alec squeezed her hand. “You can stay with me.”

“Oh, Alec, no.” She shook her head, wiping her tears. “I have a place to stay back in Alicante. Even in Britain. I’ll be fine. I just wanted to see you all. Now, let’s order and have a normal family dinner. Please.”

They nodded, accepting the menus from the waiters. After ordering, they fell into discussing mundane topics about jobs, work, life. They didn’t touch love lives. When they did, Isabelle swooped in to talk about her own or Jace’s.

“How’s Magnus?” Maryse asked Alec, taking a bite of the tiramisu.

“He’s… Alright. He’s in a relationship with Camille Belcourt-“

“Of the Belcourt empire?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve heard they’re…”

“Bloodsucking vampires?” Isabelle tested; one perfect eyebrow raised.

Maryse laughed softly. “Graphic, but that’s what I’ve heard. Camille must be different.”

Alec shrugged and Jace and Isabelle shook their heads.

“Now, I’m confused,” Maryse said, looking interested.

“She’s… Possessive to say the least,” Jace started. “She keeps him away from us. We’re trying to make him see that we’re still there for him.”

“She’s bad for him. She’s just like the rest of her family,” Isabelle added on. “We’re doing what we can.”

“You are good friends,” Maryse concluded, smiling at them proudly. “What about you, Alec? Are you with someone?”

Alec paused, putting his hand on Isabelle’s hand to stop her from intervening. In the past hour, since they had been with their mother, he had realized that she was unlike how she used to be. And the turning point was when she mentioned Magnus. She had hated him when Alec and he had first become friends. He was flamboyant and loud, everything she did not like. She had warned Alec about him and even tried to forbid them from being friends. But she had been away, so Alec had just ignored all that. Now, she was interested. Not only in their lives but also in Magnus’s.

“I’m with someone,” he started, cautiously.

Her eyes lit up. “Who is she?”

“He,” he corrected, swallowing thickly, waiting for her reaction.

She was taken aback, her eyes widening but she recovered gracefully. “Tell me all about him.” She smiled.

Alec felt relief flood his system and when he started talking about Castiel, he realized he had a lot to say. It was the first time he felt like he wasn’t lying to the world about his relationship. For the first time, it felt the relationship was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longest chapter so far.   
> I stopped before the part that I really like a lot. So, next chapter you'll get to read that. 
> 
> Guys, I promise that this is a Malec fic. I fucking love slow burns and hurt/comfort. So. *throws hands up in the air* Bear with me! 
> 
> IMDB really has that list, no lies.
> 
> Destiel in this fic is a little messy but I don't do sad endings.
> 
> Dean deserves someone looking after him. I've kept him a little soft around the edges for this fic because he never had to face the things he faced in Supernatural. 
> 
> I believe in the power of friendship. 
> 
> Maryse is a really good character on the show. I adore her development. A good mom is a mom who tries.


	23. Breakup Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> VINDICATIOOOOONNNNNNNN.

Camille ran a thin finger over the photographs in her hand. The photographs had been arranged beautifully in albums. She didn’t know of anyone who still did this but then Magnus had always been eccentric in his tastes and way of life. The albums lay discarded at her feet. She had selected a few pictures from his collection that intrigued her.

“Darling?” she called when the door to their apartment opened.

Magnus entered the apartment, panting softly due to the cold and putting his scarf and coat in the closet. He looked over when Camille called. “Coming, sweetheart.”

“ _Darling_?” she called again sharply.

He walked quickly over to her, bile rising in his throat. Not another row. “I’m here,” he murmured, out of breath. This time because of the stress.

“What is this?” she questioned, tossing the photographs at his feet.

He frowned, bending to pick them up. Going through them, he smiled to himself. The first picture was of Ragnor and him. It was at one of the first parties Magnus had held at this apartment in New York. He was seated in Ragnor’s lap, drunk out of his mind and shouting gleefully at the camera. He remembered Catarina had taken it. It had been so long ago. The next picture was Imasu and him. The man was playing the charango and Magnus was looking at him with love in his eyes. There was another with Imasu, both of them kissing at a pride parade. The fourth one was Magnus kissing Raphael on the cheek. The fourth was Etta and he kissing as they slow danced in one of her favourite clubs. They were dressed like they were from the 1940s. Finally, the last few pictures were of Alec and him; coordinated Halloween costumes, party pictures and a single picture of Simon’s band with Magnus and Alec – they had started to become good friends by then.

“What about them?” He tried to keep his voice neutral. These were some of his most precious photographs that he had collected over the years and he didn’t appreciate how she had tossed them at his feet. He started to pick up the albums and finding the photographs’ right place.

“I didn’t know you kissed men,” she spat.

Magnus frowned, taking a seat with the albums in his lap. “We didn’t talk about previous relationships?”

“No,” she replied, sharply. “Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?”

He felt confused.

“I’m not. I’m bisexual. I thought I told you.”

“There’s nothing like that. Now, again. Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to cheat on me?” Her voice got louder with every word till she was standing, trying to tower over him.

Magnus stared at her. “What?” he whispered.

“You just wanted a reason to cheat on me! You kissed a man!”

“Before I ever even met you!”

“It doesn’t matter! Tell me how many men and women you’ve been kissing behind my back?”

“None! What are you talking about, Camille? I’m not a cheater!”

“Aren’t you? You said it yourself! You’re bisexual!”

Magnus stood there listening to her go on about how he was cheating on her and would continue to do so. He felt his blood boil. He caught sight of a picture he had framed and lay on the mantle. It was from one of the parties and had all his friends. The friends who had continued to message him and keep in touch despite his behaviour. He realized with a shock what an idiot he had been. Over and over Camille had disrespected his friends and him, but he had turned a blind eye to it.

“Get out,” he said, softly.

Camille paused. “What did you say to me?” she asked a dangerous note to her tone.

“I said get out,” he repeated, firmly, looking at her.

She scoffed. “You can’t live without me! You love me! Now, I’m willing to forgive you, of course, because I love y-“

“Don’t lie to me.” He felt calm as he spoke, looking her right in the eyes. “Leave.”

“Fine, I’ll go for a few days and wait for you to calm down,” she started as if that was the only rational response and he was being a child.

“No. Permanently.”

“But why?” she questioned her confident exterior cracking.

Magnus realized that she was scared. It was the first time he had seen her getting scared. “You’re poison.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Leave!” He repeated, loud and definite.

She physically shook at the word and walked away quickly.

Magnus poured himself a drink and listened to her packing her stuff before leaving. He felt relief, as though nobody was looking over his shoulder all the time but also pain. Overwhelming pain. He really didn’t deserve love, except one that was abusive. He really didn’t deserve anything.

~*~

Alec hadn’t noticed it earlier because Castiel arrived after he was asleep. He would take his place beside Alec and be gone before Alec had woken up. It was normal until he asked Castiel one night sleepily when he’d have a night off and he’d evaded the question nervously.

Then, Alec started to notice what he hadn’t seen before. He was off. There was something going on, but Alec didn’t know how to ask Castiel. Was it even his place or should he wait for Castiel to come to him? He wanted to give him a safe space and not pressurize him. He waited.

And he waited.

But Castiel didn’t come to him. However, he did start getting worse. He would stop talking; get lost in thought. Mostly he was late home.

“Castiel?” he murmured one of the nights when Castiel had returned late and was turned away from him. He wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist, tugging him closer warmly.

Castiel was pliant and warm, coming to him easily. “Yes?” he murmured quietly. “Sorry for waking you.”

“No. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Is something the matter?”

“No,” Alec responded, kissing his shoulder and nuzzling the back of his neck. “You know I love you?”

“And I love you.” But then why did he sound so heartbroken?

“Then, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Alec…” he whispered, sounding broken.

“Castiel,” he murmured in response. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything right now. Take your time. I wanted you to know that you have me.”

Castiel shuddered slightly and then turned around to hide his face in Alec’s chest. Alec held him close, kissing the top of his head.

“Not right now,” Castiel started to speak, muffled.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let me know when you do.”

Castiel nodded.

 

The next few days even though Castiel didn’t seem to get better but he was easier on letting Alec cheer him up. He still hadn’t talked about what was bothering him, but he tended to stick close to Alec, not going anywhere on his day off, taking longer shifts at the hospital when he was working.

One of the Saturdays, Alec finally convinced Castiel to accompany him to the grocery store to pick up a few supplies after work. The two of them took their time traversing through the aisles, Alec trying to pull pranks as well as he could without forcing Castiel into cheering up. But it seemed to work. Castiel was smiling when they finally left.

The door to Castiel’s apartment was unlocked when they got back. The couple shared a look before cautiously opening the door. Castiel relaxed immediately, seeing a young man standing at the end of the hallway near the living area. He turned when the door opened and smiled at Castiel.

“Hello, Castiel,” he said, smiling and walking forwards to greet them. He hugged him.

“Samandriel,” Castiel murmured, hugging him back. “This is Alec, my boyfriend.”

Samandriel turned to him and shook his hand. “Good to meet you. I’m Castiel’s youngest brother.”

“And the most pampered,” came a voice. It was Gabriel wearing a bright pink apron. He was brandishing a whisk at them dripping with something that smelled sweet even from this distance. “Hello there, Lightwood. Though you don’t look like anything is light about you, especially your wood.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, pushing past Gabriel. “What are you both doing here?” He addressed Samandriel.

“We came here to meet you,” Samandriel responded with a smile.

“Is that so wrong, little bro?” Gabriel questioned, pouting slightly.

“Stop ruining my carpet and walls, Gabriel,” Castiel huffed, taking the whisk from him.

Gabriel gave him a cheesy grin. “Oh, you love me.” He followed Castiel into the kitchen, both of them grousing at each other.

Samandriel sighed, shaking his head at them. “Let’s sit, Alec,” he suggested, gesturing towards the couch.

Alec nodded and took a seat. “So, Samandriel. What do you do?”

“Call me Alfie,” Samandriel interjected with a smile. He ambled around the room, picking up things to look at them and putting them in the same place. “I’m seventeen. Still in school. When I said the youngest brother, I meant that.”

Alec’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s a difference,” he blurted. “But I mean,” he recovered, not smoothly. “I have a younger brother. He’s still in school too.”

Samandriel laughed. “Almost half his age. But he and I,” he continued, taking a seat beside Alec. “We’re close.”

“No offence but he hasn’t told me anything about you.”

“He’s not one to talk about his life a lot,” Samandriel murmured, smiling to himself. He eyed Alec. “He hasn’t told us much about you except your name.”

Alec smiled in response, accepting that. “I’m Alexander Lightwood. My parents own Idris & Co. I work as a History professor at the local university much to the chagrin of my parents.” He shrugged. “I think those are the highlights.”

Samandriel chuckled and nodded. “That’s awesome.” He ran a hand through his short hair. “I’ll go check on them.”

A few moments later, Gabriel slid into place beside Alec. He observed Alec, looking at him like he was a piece of meat. He grinned when Alec rose an eyebrow at him.

“So, tell me about you, Alec.”

“What about me?”

“Oh, don’t play coy. Length, size, girth. Whatever you want to tell me.”

Before Alec could respond, Castiel and Samandriel came back carrying a plate full of muffins.

“Gabriel made these,” Castiel stated, setting the plate on the table. “The cupcakes are baking. There’s more in the fridge. Fudge and cake, I believe.” He shrugged at Alec when they met eyes. “Don’t ask me.”

“He has a sweet tooth,” Samandriel added, helpfully.

Castiel plodded down on the sofa, right beside Alec. He leaned tiredly against him. Automatically, Alec put an arm around his shoulders.

“We were thinking – and no offence to this absolute beauty you have wrapped around your little finger – that we could steal Castiel from you for one night,” Gabriel declared. “So, chop chop.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere, Gabriel,” Castiel countered.

“Some time out might help you, Cas,” Samandriel murmured, pointedly.

Castiel seemed to understand instantly. “I-uh…”

“Oh, come on, Cassie. Family time.”

Alec realized it was his turn to say something. He squeezed Castiel’s shoulder. “You should go. Get out of the house.”

Castiel turned his face towards him. “Alec, I’m sorry. I would invite you-“

Alec cut him off with a kiss. “Go.”

“Aw, Cassie. He’s cute.” Gabriel leered like a Cheshire cat.

Castiel batted at him, without looking. “I’m sorry,” he said to Alec.

“Shut up,” Alec murmured good-naturedly. “I’m going to head home. I should pick Virginia Woof up from Isabelle’s.” He got up to leave.

Castiel followed him to the door, helping Alec into his coat. They kissed and murmured their farewells before Alec left.

Castiel swung to face the room with renewed purpose. “Who told you?” he asked Samandriel.

Samandriel sighed. “Sam and I talk sometimes.” He shrugged.

“Why did you bring him?” Castiel jutted a thumb in Gabriel’s direction.

“Oh, I’m hurt, Cassie,” Gabriel rejoindered.

“Get out.”

“Castiel,” Samandriel intervened. “Stop. It’s okay. We’re here for you.”

Castiel swallowed thickly. “I don’t want your help.”

“Sit with us,” Gabriel requested, suddenly serious.

He settled between his brothers, eyes on the ground to avoid them.

“Tell us everything.”

When Castiel started talking, he realized he did have a lot to say. He told them about Dean and his near kisses and their one real kiss. He talked about their fights and how they made up recently. Finally, he told them what Dean and Alec had said to him.

“So, what are you thinking of doing, Cas?” Samandriel patted his shoulder. “I didn’t know so much had happened between you two.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Cassie, do you really love Alec?”

“I think… No, I know I do. I really do.”

“Then, why are you feeling so bad?” Samandriel bit into a muffin, slowly.

“I…” Castiel started and then fell quiet, unsure of what to say.

“What about Dean?” Gabriel asked, tugging out a candy bar from his coat and unwrapping it. “How do you feel about him?”

Castiel took a moment to think about it. How did he feel about Dean? So sure, he had been of his previous love and so occupied with convincing himself of loving Alec, there was no chance to think of Dean and his feelings for him in the present. He thought of Dean. A feeling of love, hurt and confusion gripped him. He did love Dean. He always had but he still felt pain and hesitation in accepting it. What if Dean changed his mind again? What if what they had wasn’t enough? What if, what if, _what if_?

“I love him,” he uttered with certainty in his voice. “But I’m scared.”

“Castiel, can I ask you something?” Samandriel murmured, seeming to be deep in thought.

“Go on,” Castiel turned to face him.

“Are you with Alec because you imagine a future with him or because he’s the safe option?”

What Samandriel had so easily spoken was what Castiel had been trying to ask himself for a long time but he hadn’t found the right words. He kept eyeing Samandriel, unfocused. He wanted to say something, but he didn’t want to admit what was the truth even to himself. What kind of a horrible person was Castiel?

“Cassie,” Gabriel spoke, reading the silence. “Time to spend time with your brothers tonight. We’ll hit the town. Have food, drink a lot! Have fun!”

“I don’t think I want to, Gabriel.”

“You don’t have a choice,” a voice replied from the hallway. It was their second eldest brother, Balthazar. He grinned at all of them.

Balthazar and Gabriel were very alike; both with big personalities and a wit that could rival the smartest. They exuded confidence and a vibe that brought people in. They were attractive in their own ways and always loved or hated; earning only strong emotions. However, the two of them were different in the way they brought people in. Gabriel used pranks and sweets whereas Balthazar was all about cool gadgets and magic tricks.

“Castiel, come with us please,” Samandriel sought with a pleading smile.

Castiel huffed and shrugged. “Fine.”

 

When morning came, Castiel’s brain hurt and his mouth were filled with cotton. Somehow his brothers had gotten him into bed at 5 AM in the morning, practically dumping him there and left to continue the party all the while complaining that Castiel was a lightweight. He was, sue him. He never really drank; he was a doctor. He preached that to his patients and couldn’t in any good conscience do that himself.

He rolled over and fell asleep with some difficulty. He awoke when warm arms wrapped around him, groggy and confused. Alec kissed the side of his head and helped him sit up to feed him some water and toast. Castiel grumbled throughout till there was enough food inside his body after which he promptly fell asleep again.

When he woke up for the second time, Alec was still in bed with him, holding him close. He smiled when he stirred and kissed his forehead. Castiel blinked up at him and yawned into the pillow, aware of how bad his mouth must smell. He shuddered a little and Alec just pulled him closer, running a warm hand over his back.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel croaked.

“For what?”

“For leaving you last night,” he murmured, shifting sleepily.

“That’s alright. I’m just glad you got out of the house. Did you have fun?”

“I did. I mean from whatever I remember. Then, I was too drunk.” He cleared his throat. “You fed me something, didn’t you?” He pulled away to look at Alec. His face was lit up by the midmorning sunlight from the window; eyes shining beautifully and skin like it was made of gold.

“Yes, I thought it would help with the hangover.”

“You’re a blessing,” Castiel murmured, touching Alec’s cheek gently. “I can’t keep hiding this from you.” His eyes welled up. Sniffling, he sat up with difficulty, clutching his head.

“What’s wrong, Castiel?” Alec questioned, sitting up as well.

Castiel almost broke down at the amount of care and concern that was in Alec’s voice, even though he sounded cautious. Even though there was a hint of defensiveness. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and turned to smile at Alec.

“You don’t deserve this, Alec.”

“What do you mean, Castiel?” He sounded more urgent, more scared.

“I… A few days ago, Dean… He broke off his wedding. We had lunch together. I told you about that, right?” He continued after Alec nodded. “So, he… He had been drinking. It was just noon. And-and he told me that he loves me. I… I couldn’t say anything. You know I’ve waited for him to say that for so long, but not… Not when I’ve been with you, Alec. I do… I do love you.” Tears streamed down his face.

“Castiel,” Alec whispered. “Hey, hey. It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not. I love you, Alec. But I don’t think that’s enough to hold you back.”

“You’re not holding me back, Castiel. Hey, look at me. I love you. You made me believe in love again.”

“As did you, Alec. But I’ll be lying if I say that I don’t feel…”

“Feel like you want to give it a try with Dean?”

“Yes.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“You know what that means, right?”

“I know… I’m not… I will miss you. I will. But if this is what you need to do, then I’ll not stop you.”

“Alec… I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I can’t do this.”

“Hey… Talk to me. Please.”

“I love you. I really do, Alec. But… Samandriel said… Well, he asked me whether I was with you for that or because you’re a safe option… I don’t know the answer to that. I just don’t want it to be the latter.”

Alec fell quiet, mulling over it. The thought of not having Castiel was painful but… The thought of someone settling for him made his heartache. He wanted something complete. He didn’t want second-guessing.

“We should break up,” he finally spoke.

Castiel hid his face in his hands. “I know.” He swallowed thickly. “I don’t you to leave me.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he muttered, eyes on the wall opposite the head of the bed. “We just can’t be together.”

“I’m so sorry, Alec.”

“I know you are, Castiel.”

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything.”

“I’ve hurt you.”

“I’ll be fine.” It came out sharper than he intended. He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I… You have a shot at happiness. I won’t stand in the way.”

“You’re not in the way, Alec… Just bad timing.”

“Bad place, bad life.” He eyed Castiel and held out his hand in solidarity.

Castiel took it, holding on as though for dear life. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I laughed at two things really hard (I crack myself up):  
> 1\. The chapter summary because of Captain Holt.  
> 2\. "There's nothing light about you, especially not your wood."
> 
> This chapter is a lot of emotions. A lot of them but it's all cathartic.  
> Magnus saw it finally when Camille said something that was so against his beliefs, it hit him out of the blue and he's just standing there thinking how could he ever have loved her. It won't be easy because abuse is so hard to deal with. You want to please the other person so much. Magnus needs his friends more than ever. Golly gosh, the trauma.
> 
> Castiel loves Alec. I promise you that he does. But the point is that if he has a chance with Dean, he can't live with the what if. Of course, Dean scares him. He's a wild card. Very liable to run from his emotions, but just the possibility is enough for Castiel to be unable to ignore it. And Alec understands that. He hates it but I imagine him a lot like me. In the moment I'm all heeeyyyy bro I gotcha you do you I got this. But he don't got this, Lord help him. I don't got this either, someone help me.
> 
> Oh and funny thing, I'm Indian and there's this Bollywood song about a breakup party. It goes like, "I've set up my breakup party for today" or some shit. It's so stupid, man.


	24. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My boys are trying to heal.

Magnus stood at the door of his apartment, observing the darkened, quiet place. It seemed haunted with memories that Magnus couldn’t shake off. His eyes fell to the bag at his side and he finally stepped outside, shutting the door after him. Slipping the key in his pocket, he left with Chairman Meow at his feet.

He hoped it wouldn’t be permanent. Before morbid thoughts could strike again, he drove and stopped below the set of apartments he had known for over a decade. Further, he got out mechanically. Chairman Meow purred and pushed at his legs guiding him to the door. The cat made sure that he wouldn’t walk away. Because even if he did, where would he go? He couldn’t return home without the memories hounding him day and night. For days he had been at home trying to be alright. He remembered how Alec had always been there for a call. But now he couldn’t call him.

And he could only blame himself.

“Cat?” he croaked, when the buzzer beeped with her voice.

“Magnus? Come on up.”

The door swung open and he stepped inside, tugging his bag alongside him and the Chairman stalking alongside him. He reached Catarina’s apartment where she stood with the door open, waiting for him. She helped him inside. The second he stepped inside the apartment a hysterical laugh left his throat. One, two and then he couldn’t stop laughing.

Catarina stared at him, horrified. “What’s wrong, Magnus?”

“I didn’t only bring a bag but also a lot of baggage,” he replied between fits of laughter. His laughter turned to sobs.

All the strength that he had used to bring himself here ended and he crumpled on the floor of the apartment, looking up at Catarina in apology. Catarina cupped his cheek and kissed his forehead, helping him up and all but carrying him to the couch. She covered him in a blanket and sat down with his head in her lap. Chairman Meow jumped up and curled over Magnus’s chest.

“Tell me everything.”

“Camille and I broke up.”

She sighed softly. “What happened?”

“I’ll need a lot of drinks.”

“I won’t fall for your puppy eyes. It’s sobriety and ice cream for you.” She got up to get the ice cream despite the grumbling. “So, now, tell me everything.”

“Camille… You tried warning me. I’m sorry, Cat.”

“It’s okay. You grow and learn,” she said, mock sighing. “Honey,” she continued, serious now. “I meant it, though. You learn and grow.”

“I should have learned by now. I’ve made the same mistake over and over again.”

“I like to think of it as the same advanced mistake.”

“You’re not helping.”

“Magnus, my dear, you’re right to feel awful. You placed your trust in someone, but they broke it. I understand. The reasons that you broke up with Imasu and Etta were wildly different. This one was poison. And I’m not saying you’re getting worse at judging them. You have a number of amazing friends. Some really close friends who love you and care about you. We all love you, Magnus. All I want is that in the future you listen to us when we say someone is not good for you.”

Magnus shuddered slightly, eyes lost and fingers idly brushing Chairman Meow’s head.

“You don’t have to say anything,” she replied, softly, carding her fingers through his hair. “I love you, Magnus. You take your time.”

They settled in and Catarina put on a movie at low volume. Over the next few days, Magnus spent most of his time in Catarina’s guest room and whenever she was around, she’d take care of him. He confessed most of what had happened with Camille. Catarina tried to walk with him through it. Finally, on the fifth day, with a box full of food and a cab, Catarina sent him back to work with a promise to call her if he needed him.

He stayed with her another week before moving back home with Chairman Meow in tow. Catarina was glad that he had started working again but she still felt he needed a pick me up. He was suffering but he was a strong man, so, he wouldn’t let that bring him down.

 

Magnus may have come back home but he was far from alright. Around two weeks later with Catarina and he just couldn’t bear her sympathetic looks anymore. Besides what more could she even say now. How could she heal his broken heart?

He wasn’t sure whether he missed Camille or not, so he chalked it up to feeling that he didn’t. Whenever anything around the house reminded him of her, he ignored it. He tossed the memory aside, no matter how good or bitter it was. There were things scattered around the house and it wasn’t just about Camille. He had betrayed all his friends and he couldn’t bear to talk to them again. Of course, he had sought Catarina. But everybody else had been more difficult.

Especially Alec. Before this, he didn’t have to ask him for help. He’d just been there. Maybe Magnus had taken him more taken for granted than he should have. No, he knew he had. He never should have treated Alec as he had. He didn’t even know if Alec would ever talk to him, let alone forgive him. He hadn’t talked to Catarina about him, worried of what he might find out about the wreckage Camille – no, he – had left.

He wanted to talk to his best friend. He wanted him by his side. There was an ache inside him that missed Alec, but he understood that this was penance for all he had done. He should not have fallen for Camille. He had made his choices and his friends had made theirs. Of course, they still messaged, and he responded as much as he could. Each of them asked if he was okay in their own way and he told everyone he was fine, refusing every invitation to meet.

He didn’t know how long he could keep this up.

~*~

Castiel had not seen Dean in a month. The confession had him rattled. One timeline inside his head was ‘With Alec’ when he had been messed up enough to keep lying to himself and to Alec. He knew he had hurt him, but he truly meant that he loved him. It was just bad timing; at least that’s what he told himself. The look on Alec’s face before he left: a mix of helplessness, loss and love. It almost broke him. Almost made him change his mind. But he knew deep inside his heart that neither of them was enough for each other.

At least that’s what he told himself.

The other timeline was ‘After Alec’ where he had mostly spent time working and taking more shifts at the hospital. He threw himself into it just as he had before. So, whenever Friday came around, he didn’t want to meet Dean. He remembered, but he didn’t want to face him. He still had no idea what to say to him.

Dean and he had been through so much. It was years of baggage. He trusted Dean. He trusted him to never lie, to help him whenever he needed him, to be there for him. But to love him, to not change his mind? He couldn’t.

It wasn’t as though he hadn’t made mistakes. He should have told Dean how he felt a long time ago. He should have taken the chance. He should have kissed Dean again that night. He should have held on tight. God, he should have fought for Dean; let him know just how deep their love was. Maybe it would have worked out then.

But what if it had gotten worse.

Could he really have guided Dean to the realization?

It was Friday again and afternoon edged closer. He couldn’t eat so he stepped out for a walk and before he knew it, his feet led him to _The Roadhouse_. He stepped inside, shivering slightly. The insides had always been darker and cooler than the outside. His eyes landed instantly on Dean and by the time he reached the booth, tears were streaming down his face and he felt anger pulsing through him. He wanted to scream.

Dean looked up and then retreated slightly but what almost made Castiel turn around was Dean’s expression. For a moment, hope had lingered and then he had shut all emotions down when he saw the pain on Castiel’s face. He looked down at the ground, head hanging.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, echoing the previous words.

Castiel huffed and sat down heavily in the seat opposite Dean. He covered his face with his hands, tears still streaming down his face. He pulled himself together, wiping his face slowly. He stared down at his hands, trying to stop them from shaking.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” Castiel confessed, looking up at Dean as though he would guide him.

When Dean had met Castiel the first time, he was lost. Castiel was a boy who knew how to follow instructions. He did well at school, and he knew the path his parents wanted him to obey. It was a plan and that was easy to understand. Dean Winchester had blown that out the window. With his life, there was no plan. He did what he wanted, and he was good at it. Impulsive. Castiel had looked to him for guidance and support. Dean had provided that and so much more. He had helped Castiel make choices he never would have the strength to make on his own.

Now, he felt lost again.

Dean cautiously took one of his hands and then when Castiel let him take it, he took the other as well. He didn’t say anything, just tugged them close to his chest, head hanging between his hands. Finally, he looked up.

“Cas,” he whispered. “I’m sorry for ruining your life.”

Castiel laughed humorlessly. “You… I was happy with Alec. I really was. I loved him. We made sense. We fit and he wasn’t going anywhere!”

“I’m not going anywhere, Cas.”

“Really? Really!”

“Cas-“

“No, Dean! You’ll leave. The second there’s real emotion here. The second there’s something between us. You’ll run. You always have! You’ve tortured me. You’ve kissed me and then you’ve stopped talking to me. And then you announce your wedding? Really, Dean? And now-now, I had my life in order! I was in love and then you come in and ruin that too? No, you can’t apologise for that!” He pulled his hands away harshly, sitting away from Dean.

“I have no excuses. I know my apologies mean nothing to you. But I’m sorry anyway.”

Castiel got up to leave but Dean caught the sleeve of his trenchcoat.

“But please hear me out for a moment. Please?”

Castiel didn’t turn around but he paused.

“I love you. I have loved you since the first time I saw you. I don’t remember a lot from school. I never kept in touch with anyone from school. But I remember the day when I saw you. I knew you mattered from the first time I saw you. You’re family, Cas. You always have been. There’s no excuse to what happened. We… We both made mistakes, Cas. We both were scared but I knew you felt it too. I knew you did. And I shut it down… I was so drunk on proving myself to dad that I forgot… I forgot how important you are to me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about that. I know that… Even if you had confronted me, Cas, about this. Long ago. I wouldn’t have believed you. And I knew I was lying to myself. Lying to us. And then Lisa came along. I understand how you felt about Alec. Because I felt that way about Lisa. I know, Cas… I know your fear and I’m sorry. I can’t say anything to make this better. But I promise I’m not running away from this. This time I know.”

Castiel turned to look at him after his monologue. “It’s gonna take time,” he murmured. “I can’t… I can’t do this right now.”

“I understand. Take your time.”

Castiel nodded slightly and then left.

~*~

“Izzy?” Alec murmured; voice partly muffled by the pillow.

His functionality had depleted since he had returned from Castiel’s house. Of course, he went to the University, completed his lectures, graded the papers but he would return home and go to sleep. He barely ate or went out, just sticking to the purpose of the day.

On Sunday, however, half day in bed and he had had enough of moping around. He needed someone to kick his ass out of bed and he knew that his sister was the best option. She was effective and efficient.

“Hey, Big Bro. I’ve been calling for days. Why did you make my boss so moody?”

“We broke up.”

“Oh, Alec. I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t get around to talking to Castiel or you. The others… They’re, uh, busy. I’m sorry, Alec. I should have been there for you.”

“Shut up,” he murmured, sighing and raising himself on his elbow. He rubbed a hand over his face, tiredly. “I don’t need that, Isabelle. You know I would have asked you earlier if I needed that.”

“You’re wiser than you look, brother.”

Alec rolled his eyes and made sure to be quiet the requisite amount of time to make her aware of that. “I need your help.”

“Anything.”

“I’m falling into a funk.”

“I’m coming over. Let’s talk. I’ll bring Chinese and if you feel up to it, we’ll go out and meet Maia and everyone at _The Hunter’s Moon_.”

“That sounds great,” he replied, smiling slightly to himself.

 

Isabelle turned up at his apartment half an hour later, carrying a bag from _Jade Wolf_ , Jace and Clary’s favourite restaurant. She smiled at him and tiptoed to hug him warmly. Kissing his cheek, she gently pushed Virginia Woof away from the food and walked over to the kitchen to get cutlery. Alec quietly made his way to the couch, switching on the TV.

Isabelle padded over with the eggrolls and the takeout. She handed him a fork and settled down beside him, leaning slightly into him.

“Now, will you tell me what happened?” She asked, surfing through the channels and settling on _The Real Housewives of Idris_.

Alec sighed and shook his head. “Let’s just watch.”

“Alright, Alec. The night is still young. Do you want to go to _The Hunter’s Moon_ after this?” She murmured, increasing the volume of the show.

He shushed her under the pretence of paying attention to the show, but he just didn’t want to reply. By her expression, he knew that she wasn’t fooled. He chose to ignore that and kissed the top of her head distractedly. It wasn’t that he minded meeting his other friends. He was just more in the stay-at-home kind of mood.

The food and the crappy brainless television helped. He wasn’t feeling perfect but if Valentina could get over her husband leaving her for her best friend and then dying and then coming back to life to get back with her but cheating on her with her best friend again, he surely would be fine.

“Now, Alec. Don’t ignore me again. It’s just 10, let’s go out, please. You look like you could use a night out.”

Alec turned to face her. “Actually, I was going to suggest that,” he told her.

She beamed at him. “Let’s go. I don’t even care if you wear the same black clothes. Actually, that’s a lie. I do care. Wear something with colour.” She kept moving around, putting the cutlery away and cleaning up.

Alec jumped up to help her and just chuckled at her excitement. In the end, he decided to wear a pale green Henley under a navy-blue jacket and black slacks with black combat boots. When he stepped outside to meet Isabelle, she rolled her eyes at him.

“You always get off on technicalities.”

“You love me,” he chuckled.

 _The Hunter’s Moon_ looked run-down from the outside. It was on a shady street and people tended to ignore it because it seemed like the kind of place where you got murdered. However, the insides were lit up and crowded with people who took it as a point of pride to know about the bar. Their friend Maia worked as a bartender. She sometimes performed with Simon’s band and Clary’s stepfather, Luke had taken her under his wing.

Alec and Isabelle beelined for the bar, settling on the high stools and ordering a beer each. Maia smiled at them.

“Just the two of you?” she asked, pouring two mugs of beer and sliding them in front of them.

“Jace and Clary are on their way. Simon said he’s already here.” Isabelle turned around with her beer to face the bar. She pointed at a couch far from them. “There they are. Simon and Raphael.”

Alec turned around as well. “Are they… Making out?” he questioned, head inclined.

Isabelle snorted and swivelled back around on her seat. “Simon told me that Raphael is uncomfortable making out in public unless it’s here.”

“That is oddly specific.”

“Raphael is odd.”

Alec shrugged in agreement and joined her at the bar. “I’m glad we came out.”

Isabelle smiled at him. Jace and Clary turned up behind them, hugging and greeting them.

Jace tugged Alec away to the pool table, thrusting a cue stick in his hand. Alec took it in his stride and started setting up the balls on the table, resting his mug on the edge of the table.

“So, Izzy told me what happened,” Jace started, getting into position to start the game.

Alec watched him and then shrugged. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes, okay.”

“You don’t want to talk about it, I’m guessing.”

“Not in the least.”

“Alright. Are you good?”

“No.”

“I’m here for you.”

“I know.”

“We all are.”

Alec smiled and took the next shot, the ball landing in the pocket. He took another shot and the ball missed. He leaned against the cue stick and took a long draught from his beer.

“I’m glad you came here, you know.”

Alec ruffled his hair when he bent over to queue up the balls. “I’m glad too, asshole.”

“Tch, tch. Language,” Jace said, grinning winningly at him.

Alec rolled his eyes and continued the game.

 

It was 3 AM when Isabelle and Simon finally pushed Alec back into the apartment, heaving his weight along with them. Isabelle let him go when they reached the couch, letting him slouch against it, almost pulling Simon down with him. He sat down heavily on the couch and looked up at his friends. Tears welled in his eyes and he wiped them away angrily.

“I miss him,” Alec drawled, trying to lean sideways but slipping to his elbow.

“I know, Alec,” Simon responded, trying to get him to lay down. “Castiel was great.”

“Not-not Castiel. Magnus. I miss him. He’s at every party. Can I talk to him? Simon, I want to talk to him.” He grabbed Simon’s shirt, pulling him close to his face so that it would come into focus.

Simon patted his cheek. “I know you miss him. We’ll talk to him tomorrow, I promise.”

“It’s not like,” Alec wiped his face with the other hand, tears slipping down his face. “It’s not like I don’t miss Castiel. I loved him, Simon. So, so much. I thought he was my way out.” He sat up suddenly, letting Simon go. The world swirled around him. He hung his head and shut his eyes to get everything in order. “I mean… Simon, he didn’t want me… Not the way I did. I was… Second best option. And I know-I know I love Magnus but Castiel was never a second option. Never a settlement. I loved him. I love him. I still do. I don’t know where to begin getting over him but if I had Magnus, I think I’d feel better. And I mean just as a friend you know. He’s my best friend.” Tears poured down his eyes in earnest now, eyes searching Simon’s face for answers.

Simon and Isabelle sat down beside him on either side. Isabelle kissed his cheek and leaned her head on his shoulder.

“You’re awesome, you know.” Simon took his hand. “You’re one of the best people I know. You’re kind and sweet. You’re so sincere and responsible. You really hold us together. If you ask us to follow, we don’t ask you why or even where. We go with you because we trust you. We love you, Alec. We love you so much. I’m sorry you’re hurting.” He paused, looking over to Isabelle.

She wiped her tears and smiled, nodding encouragingly at him.

“We’re here for you. You take your time, but I promise you. You will be happy, Alec.”

“One day, somebody’s gonna love you, heart and soul,” Isabelle chimed in, taking his other hand.

“And it’s okay if that is just a puppy,” Simon murmured, depositing the puppy in Alec’s lap.

Alec laughed softly through his tears. “Thank you,” he whispered, hugging his puppy close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They will heal. 
> 
> I just wanted to say a bit about them handling stress. Magnus asked for help, took his time and then got back on his feet. Castiel threw himself into work but didn't ask for help until it was forced upon him. Alec was barely functional but asked for help and accepted it wholeheartedly. I made sure to note those changes because I generally take the Castiel way out and I didn't want to set that as the norm. I don't know why I pointed this out. 
> 
> We're two-thirds of the way through. Not much left. 
> 
> Thank you for loving me. <3 I love you too. I appreciate every message left.


	25. Isabelle's Day Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabelle and Sam are good siblings and friends.

Castiel had never seen Isabelle look at him with such fury in her eyes. He almost took a step back from her, terrified. He had been handing out their tasks when he smiled and looked up at Isabelle, but she was already staring daggers at him.

He sighed internally, realizing what this was about. His heart sank dreadfully, expecting to hear the worst about Alec. He hadn’t forgotten about him between the thoughts of what he was going to do about Dean; Alec was like a chime in his head. He loved him and he kept going back to Alec’s expression when Castiel confessed about Dean. Sometimes he wanted to take it back. Go back to Alec and just live with him. But he couldn’t hurt Alec any more.

He just hoped that Alec was alright.

When the allocations were over, he nodded at Isabelle to follow him. She did but after an angry pause.

He shut the door of his office behind him and looked back to find Isabelle eyeing him furiously. He gestured at the chair but didn’t take his own, neither did Isabelle.

“Is Al-“

“Don’t take his name.”

“I’m sorry, Isabelle. I know I hurt him. I wish I could take it back. But this is for the best.”

“For the best! You told him he’s your second option? How dare you, Castiel? You’ve broken his heart!”

“The second option,” Castiel repeated, confused and then it dawned on him. “Does Alec think I left him because he’s my second option?”

“Yes!”

“Oh, Isabelle. That is not what I meant. I love your brother so much. I… Do you remember Dean?”

“Your Magnus.”

“Yes… He broke off his wedding and confessed his love for me-“

“So, you dumped Alec’s ass?” She questioned incredulously.

“No! I struggled with it for days. I love Alec, Isabelle. But Dean… He’s the love of my life and he messed me up. I… I never meant for Alec to feel like he was my second option. He’s not. He’s my first, which is why I struggled but I saw what my confusion was doing to him. I should not have been confused; I understand. But, Isabelle, would it be fair to both of us if Alec were in my shoes? If this was Magnus? Would it be fair to him? I have to give this a try. Alec… He could be the perfect man for me. He is. But Dean is my soulmate. I’ve loved him since I first knew what love was.” He felt so weak and stupid. His arguments were flimsy, and he hoped Isabelle called him out on it. He deserved a lot worse.

Isabelle seemed to deflate, unfortunately. “You need to talk to Alec. I can’t have him hurting over this.”

“I… I’m scared. Alec… I’ve hurt him. I know that. I’m so sorry.”

“You have to, Castiel.”

“I know.” He sighed, sitting down heavily in his chair. “Do you believe me?”

“I do.”

“I wish there was a better way.”

“I wish that too.” Isabelle got up to leave.

“Do you think I made the right choice?” Castiel asked, softly when her hand rested on the door handle.

She paused and looked over her shoulder at him. “I don’t know.”

~*~

Sam shifted uncomfortably in the chair, clearing his throat to get the attention of the attendant at the reception. She observed him, bored, but otherwise non-responsive. Her expression was clear: she had already answered all his questions and he would not be getting anywhere with her further than that.

His eyes swivelled to look outside at the darkened space. The red emergency sign gave a red hue to the parking area, making it look eerie and otherworldly. He shivered a little thinking of all the things his young mind used to make up to fill the spaces of knowledge. He knew better now. There was nothing like ghosts and demons. Just a figment of his imagination.

He checked his messages. There were a few from Jessica, telling him how she was. The baby had started to kick recently. The screen displayed the time as 9:23 PM. He hadn’t expected Castiel to be at the hospital this late on a Sunday night, but well, doctor’s schedules were supposed to be erratic. He supposed. He wasn’t sure whether this was just Castiel being Castiel or some circumstances that led to it. When Castiel hadn’t taken his calls, he’d known that Castiel would be at work and a call there had proven him right. So, now, an hour later, safely circumventing Dean’s questioning, he was here.

What the two men – Castiel and Dean – seemed to forget often was that he was there. He was there every time when those two seemed to be drawn towards each other, magnetically and inevitably. There was no question about it in Sam’s mind. They were made for each other and he was going to meddle. He had Jessica’s blessings. What they also forgot was that time had driven Castiel and him closer. They were best friends; brothers, even. So, as much he was Team Dean in this, he was also Team Castiel.

His phone rang, bringing him out of his reverie and he almost dropped it out of shock. Clearing his throat embarrassedly, he took the call.

“Sam? You called?” Castiel asked on the other side, almost seeming out of breath.

It had been years since Sam had gotten ill, but he believed that whenever he called Castiel, it scared him witless. He still expected him to be the frail boy who was going to keel over with a gust of wind.

“Hey! I’m here at the hospital. Just for a chat. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Oh.” He sounded taken aback. “Wait for me in my office. I’ll join you in five minutes.”

“Of course.”

Hanging up, he finally got permission from the receptionist to head on inside. He located Castiel’s office, getting inside and taking a seat at the couch instead of the chairs at the table. He had had enough of them for a lifetime. Besides, he liked his life-altering news over comfortable surfaces.

Castiel entered the room a few minutes later, appearing a little harried but mostly tired. “Hello, Sam.” He sat down beside Sam.

“Hey, Cas. Just here for a social call.”

“You said. On the call. How’re you? How’s Jess?”

“I’m good. So are Jess and the baby.” He paused. “And so is Dean.”

Castiel froze slightly, staring straight ahead. “What did you want to chat about?”

“You. How’re you?”

“I’m alright.” He shrugged. “Nothing to complain about.”

“You just went through a breakup. Nobody expects you to be perfect.”

“I’m not. But I am alright.”

“Cas, you know that I’m your best friend too, right.”

Castiel sighed and finally met Sam’s eyes. “I know, Sam.”

“I’m here for you. I promise. This is not a spy session.”

“I trust you.” He smiled crookedly.

Sam chuckled softly. “Tell me really. How are you?”

“Very tired.”

“About the breakup?”

“I miss him. A lot. I did love Alec, Sam. But I was hurting him. How does one get over that?”

“I don’t know, Cas. Maybe you start by apologizing. And by doing what you did. You broke it off just so you won’t hurt him anymore, Cas. I think you’re doing fine.”

Castiel’s eyes were haunted. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s what I’m here for. I’m here to help.”

“I love Dean, Sam. I always have. If there’s anyone who knows, it’s you.”

“I know. What will you do about it?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“That’s alright. I’m here for you. I promise.”

“What should I do?”

“I can’t tell you.”

Castiel leaned his head back with a long sigh. “I don’t trust him to stay.”

“I don’t think he’s going anywhere.”

“What if he does?”

“Then, I’ll find him and kill him. Bring him back so you can too.”

Castiel laughed, softly, eyes sliding shut. “So, I should take the chance.”

“Do you want to?”

Castiel slowly turned to look at him. “I think so.”

“Do you _want_ to?”

“Yes.”

“Then, that’s all you need.”

~*~

Isabelle regarded the small café, sipping her candy crush latte. She wiped the marshmallow cream off her upper lip with a napkin. There were at least five people in the café. One couple in the corner was being cute, two ladies were writing furiously on their laptops, no doubt utilizing the free WiFi and the last person was staring at the door as if he expected it to burst into flames.

She shifted her eyes to the door herself when the bell over the door tinkled pleasantly.

“Welcome to _Barista’s Paradise_ ,” the server announced with a grin.

Catarina stepped inside and smiled at the lady at the counter in greeting.

The man who had been staring at the door had risen up slightly when it opened but he was sitting down again seeming hapless.

“An Americano, please,” Catarina ordered, undoing the buttons of her coat and handing over the money. She graciously accepted her order and sat down in front of Isabelle. “Hello, Isabelle,” she spoke amiably.

Isabelle smiled. “You’re the only one who calls me that,” she replied, getting up to give Catarina a hug.

The woman was tall and gorgeous. Her skin glowed under the sunshine coming from the windows and the pearls on her neck glinted. She smiled warmly at Isabelle, setting the cup down on the table and the coat over the back of a chair.

“Well, it is your name,” she replied playfully.

Isabelle laughed. “Can’t argue with that.”

“So, why did you call me here?”

“I thought you’d know about Magnus. And well, I wanted to talk to you about Alec.”

Catarina frowned slightly. “I don’t think I understand.”

“I just feel that… We care about them. I love Magnus, but I know that it’s more likely he’ll talk to you. I just want to know if he’s okay. I know that he broke up with Camille but whenever I ask him about it, he evades it.”

Catarina hummed softly, drinking her coffee. “He took it hard. I don’t blame him. She ruined him and even before she left… She said some things to him that will not be easy to forget for him.”

“What did she do?”

“She had been strategically pushing all of his friend’s away from him. She isolated him and then made him believe he was alone. When she found out that he was bisexual, she accused him of cheating,” Catarina replied.

Isabelle licked her lips and took a long draught of her drink. “That’s awful. I never really liked her.”

“She was not all that bad initially,” Catarina admitted, waving her long-fingered hand. “However, she turned awful pretty quickly.”

“Castiel broke up with Alec,” Isabelle spoke after a pause. “Castiel’s… Well, Magnus, Castiel’s Magnus told him he loved him and Castiel left to give that a chance… That’s a little harsh actually. He was pretty messed up about leaving Alec. He loved him. I think he meant that.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“It isn’t. He pretends to be taking it well, but he’s not been doing so great. He thinks that he will always be the second option. Someone to settle for.”

Catarina sighed. “I don’t know what you’re thinking of doing, Isabelle. Nevertheless, if you are presuming that I will help you meddle in their lives, you’re wrong.”

“It’s not meddling that I want, Catarina,” Isabelle defended.

“You seem to think you know what’s right for them. I’m old, Isabelle. Older than all of you and I’ve known Magnus his entire life. We will make mistakes, all of us. But all we can do is be there for each other; not interfere with each other’s lives because we think we know better.”

Isabelle fell quiet, sitting back. She felt betrayed. Eyeing Catarina, she rose. “I think I’ll leave then.”

“That would be for the best,” Catarina said, neutrally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was reading ahead and let me tell you, I can't wait to put up the entire story. I really want to know how you guys feel about the way it pans out.
> 
> This is a slow fix-it. There's more pain to go for all of them till they reach the point where they understand it better. 
> 
> Thanks again for all your kind words, they continue to brighten my day. <3


	26. Flashbacks and the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is adorable.  
> Camille is a humane devil.  
> Castiel apologises.  
> Isabelle finds an unlikely ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for no updates yesterday. I got lazy.

It had been another two weeks since Castiel had seen Dean. He was placed outside a _Starbucks_ near _The Roadhouse_. He could see the sign of Ellen’s place, but he was still pretty far off from the establishment itself. There was another _Starbucks_ at the end of the street on the other side that glinted under the sunlight.

 _The Roadhouse_ had always seemed rundown compared to the buildings around it. However, it had its charm. Simple yet warm and homely in an unironic way. Just like the Winchesters liked it. That’s what had drawn them to the place in the first place. Apart from the fact that Ellen was one of their father’s friends. She had fostered them as her own sons whenever they required it.

He remembered Dean telling him the story of how his mother had died. It had been one of the nights when Sam was still in the hospital and the two of them were alone. It had taken Dean quite a few glasses of neat scotch before he lay down on the couch, calling Castiel closer to talk.

_Castiel sat down on the floor near Dean’s head. One of Dean’s arms slid off the couch and landed in Castiel’s lap. Castiel took it, his fingers curling around Dean’s. He didn’t pull away. They stayed there for a while, sipping at scotch and quietly contemplating._

Castiel couldn’t remember what he had been thinking about.

 _“You know, I was four. I was… I had been watching this horror movie, right. And I was scared. So, I held on to mom as long as I could before dad came and… Well, then I had to let her go. She gave him dinner and then she went to bed. They had an argument. I could hear it. It was something stupid. Like… Why is it_ The Winchester Surprise _every night or something. I don’t remember that, but I remember falling asleep, praying. I prayed to the angel that looked over me – mom used to say that every night. Every night before she put me to sleep, Cas. After she gave dad dinner and before she went to bed, she came to my room. Kissed my forehead and told me that angels are watching over me. Maybe she meant you. ‘Cause of your name.” He moved their joined hands to Castiel’s face._

_Castiel batted the hands away with a laugh._

_Dean let their hands fall to Castiel’s lap again, holding tight. He felt the effects of the company and alcohol sobering._

_“So, I prayed to the angel to take care of me. I made a mistake. I heard her padding over to Sam’s room. I heard her go back. I heard her put the lights out. I heard her pull her covers. I heard… Everything. I remember it more than I remember yesterday, Cas. I remember… I fell asleep briefly. Very brief. I woke up to her scream. I woke up to the smell of burning flesh.” He gagged slightly. “I heard Sammy crying and dad shouting. I was running before I knew it. Dad handed Sam to me, swaddled in his blankets. I thought he was dead but then he was crying. I used to hate it when he cried but at that moment, I was happy. I ran out. I waited in the yard. Cas, I had been there just a few hours earlier with mom and Sammy. Everything was good… I prayed for myself, Cas. Who does that! Which self-obsessed bastard…”_

_Castiel turned around and kissed the back of Dean’s hand. With his other hand, he pushed himself up and perched at the edge of the couch. “You were a child, Dean. It wasn’t your fault.”_

_Dean sniffed and shrugged. “Whatever. I’m gonna sleep now. You can take the bed or however you like it.” He tugged his hand away, turning over with his back to Castiel._

_Castiel got up and bent over to kiss Dean’s forehead. “I will always watch over the Winchesters.”_

Castiel shuddered slightly, even though the weather was hot. He cleared his throat and started moving. The people on the street were giving him weird looks. He had been standing there still for a while now. Stopping at the entrance of _The Roadhouse_ , he met eyes with Ellen. She was standing sentry at the door.

“Cas, honey,” she murmured, stoic.

“Hello, Ellen.”

She smiled warmly. “How are you doing?”

“I’ve been doing well,” he responded, lying through his teeth.

She smiled knowingly and patted his cheek. “He waits for you. Every Friday. Whether you come here or not, he’s always there. Don’t go thinking that I’m taking his side. I love both you boys, but your history and your baggage are yours alone to handle. I’m not getting in the middle of that. I just thought you should know.”

He nodded, slightly, unsure of what to do with the information. “Thank you, Ellen.”

There was some relief in knowing that Dean was inside. They hadn’t exactly discussed when Castiel would be there. So, he was taking a long shot just reaching there unannounced. He went inside and found Dean at the booth, eyes on the door.

Dean brightened when he saw Castiel, face following Castiel’s walk like a sunflower to the sun. Without a word, he thrust the papers in front of him in Castiel’s direction. He wouldn’t meet Castiel’s eyes anymore, choosing to look at the table instead.

Castiel sat down carefully, pulling the papers towards himself and reading them. They were ownership papers for the Impala announcing joint ownership split three ways: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, and Castiel Novak. Castiel stared at the papers. Dean and Sam had already signed them and the space for his signature was empty. He was confused but some part of him knew exactly what Dean was trying to say like it was a piece of poetry.

He looked up in question.

Dean caught his eye sheepishly, immediately looking away. “I-I. You said last time that you expect me to leave. You know I love that car. You know I’d do anything for it, and I wanted to make sure you know I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean had told him once that the Impala was his home. That no brick and mortar building could compare to the kind of comfort the car provided them with and they’d been richer for it. What Dean meant was that if he was leaving, he’d leave in his car. If he was taking the car and Castiel owned it too, they were going together.

It _was_ poetic if he thought about it.

Castiel was stumped. He grabbed Dean’s hand that was nervously moving against the table.

“Sorry-sorry. I-I’m just nervous,” Dean replied, pulling his hand away and putting both his hands under the table, assuming that the sound of his tapping was bothering Castiel.

Castiel reached out and this time placed his palm on Dean’s cheek. Dean froze.

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean was akin a statue, just staring at Castiel, mouth slightly open.

“I just…” Castiel pulled away, eyes falling to the papers again. “Let me get some things in order and then let’s talk.”

“Okay,” was the meek response. “Do you mean it?”

“I mean it. We will talk. But that… I can’t promise anything. So, just a chat.”

“Are you still scared?”

“Very much so. But I’m willing to make the effort.”

“Me too.”

“Dean. These papers prove that. Thank you.”

“Don’t-don’t thank me.”

“Okay.”

“Next Friday?”

“I’ll be here.”

“I love you, Cas.”

“I do too.”

~*~

Magnus was back from work and he set his bag on the floor in front of the closet, lifting Chairman Meow in his arms. He carried the cat to his couch, put him there and laid down on the soft carpet. He closed his eyes, toeing his shoes off. He ran his fingers along the edge of the coffee table, eyes catching the scratches under the table. Chairman Meow was not allowed on the furniture unless Magnus put him there and he could see that the cat had been up to mischief.

He sighed and traced one of the deepest divots in the wood. It seemed new. Magnus knew that leaving the cat at Catarina’s had been a horrible plan when Camille asked him to. That had just been the beginning of everything. However, everything hadn’t been bad. He might remember the worst now, but he hadn’t forgotten the best.

_It had been one of those days at work when nothing seemed to be going right, so, Magnus wanted to quit. Warlock Inc was all about design, and Lorenzo Rey was stealing his thunder that day. They had a big order from the Belcourt Empire related to the wedding of one of their eldest heirs. They had assigned the task to Warlock Inc because of their bold designs and who knew bold better than Magnus. Somehow Lorenzo had gotten the best of him._

_Camille Belcourt was the representative in touch with them. She arrived for a meeting, all glam and proper. Her black sheath dress with pearl inlay was a story in itself. It was a muted version of Magnus’s style, but he admired it anyway. They all sat around discussing designs with Lorenzo trying to steer the conversation towards himself. Their boss was all ears. However, Camille was just interested in Magnus. She shut Lorenzo down multiple times till he resembled a wet helpless puppy._

_She helped Magnus flourish that day, letting him take centre stage for that entire project. Over and over she told him how much she loved his designs and how they would help the wedding._

_“Magnus, you are brilliant. This design will change the entire look of the wedding. Bela will love this!” She smiled warmly at Magnus._

_He really liked her._

_“Would you like to see more of this over dinner? Tonight?”_

_She smiled knowingly and nodded. “Definitely.”_

_The day passed and the night came. The two of them clicked instantly, spending the night talking over dinner and discussing fashion and the Belcourt empire. They even got ice cream after dinner and walked around Brooklyn for a while before going their own ways. The next time they met, it was electric._

_For weeks, it built and grew into something amazing and beautiful. The more time they spent together, the more Camille would adore his designs and everything about him. Any time that he had doubts, he’d take them to her, and she’d help him out of the holes he created for himself. Camille was there for him when he wouldn’t let anyone else be, not even Alec._

_That was until she met all his friends and realized they were not as royal as Magnus. She felt that Magnus had to step down from his position to be with them and she hated that. He was royalty in her eyes. They were peasants._

_So, when she started asking for things like ignoring his friends, Magnus assumed she needed the attention one desired in a relationship. He assumed it came from a place of love rather than complete control._

Magnus breathed deeply, tears slipping down onto the carpet. He slid his eyes shut and tried to get his heart under control. _It would be okay_ , he told himself.

~*~

The first time that Alec had been to Simon’s apartment, he had realized that he had undermined just how lucky the siblings had been. They had been assigned college funds since their birth and apartments bought in their name as soon as they were of age. Even though Maryse had an idea of what they should be doing, they hadn’t been cut off when they went their different paths. They were scolded but always accepted finally. It wasn’t perfect, of course.

However, Alec couldn’t complain. He wouldn’t complain. Simon lived in a studio apartment with one of the band members in a shady part of the city. Raphael lived a few blocks away in a larger apartment. Catarina, Ragnor and Magnus lived in the best parts of Brooklyn – the biggest apartments out of all of them. The siblings lived in different places uptown. Even Castiel lived close to Alec’s apartment.

Where Alec and his siblings had an inheritance, the rest had built themselves up from the ground. They had come from backgrounds and families who either had little to nothing or had not left anything for them. Alec knew most about Magnus out of his friends.

His father had left when he was a baby. His stepfather had sucked the life out of his mother, almost literally. Soon, Magnus was left alone on the streets with nothing in his pocket except the number of the Fells. They had taken him in, their eldest son becoming his best friend to this day – Ragnor Fell.

Alec was shaken out of his reverie when his phone started to vibrate. He picked it up and stared at the name on his screen for a while before taking the call.

“Hey,” he murmured.

“Hello, Alec,” Castiel replied, a little hesitant. “How are you doing?”

“I’m alright,” he answered, sitting up on his couch. “What about you?”

“I’m alright as well.”

“Did you talk to Dean?” He jumped right to the point. He needed to know; no, he wanted to know. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do.

“I will answer that,” Castiel started, a promise in his voice. “But first. I talked to Isabelle a few days ago. She mentioned something to me that has been playing in my head since that day. I have wronged you, Alec. I have hurt you and I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for th-“

“Castiel, don’t do this to yourself.”

“Alec, please hear me out.” There was a plea in his tone. He paused to wait for Alec’s reply.

“Okay.”

“But she told me something that I understand I might have implied but I never meant. Alec, you are a friend. A very good and desired friend. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that you thought I considered you my second option. You were never that, Alec. I’m sorry. I imagined a future with you but what Dean said threw me off. I didn’t want one of my feet in with you and the other hanging out, hoping. I’m not with Dean. I didn’t leave you and immediately get into a relationship with him. I didn’t… I would never want to hurt you. And I know I did. But I meant it. I love you, Alec.”

Alec was quiet for a long time. “It wasn’t enough,” he mumbled.

“Sorry?”

“Your love for me. It wasn’t enough.”

“Oh, Alec. It wasn’t that. This was never about you. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand this, then.” He sounded meek even to himself.

“If I had a chance with Dean and I had stayed with you, do you think we’d be happy?”

“I don’t know.”

“I was miserable, and I was making you miserable.”

“That’s why I said your love for me wasn’t enough.”

“Alec, it’s more complicated than that and you know it. For me, for a second, please reverse our positions. I’m sorry. It sounds weak. It sounds pathetic and needy… Forget this, Alec. All I can ask is for your forgiveness. I have no excuses for what I’ve done. And I will understand if you never forgive me.”

Alec fell quiet, mulling over it. If it had been Magnus, what would he have done? The words struck him now. He would have to know. He would have to at least try to work it out with Magnus and he realized just how shitty that was. Just how awful that was, and he felt a stab of self-pity. But mostly, he finally understood. It really wasn’t about him.

“The worst part, Castiel? I forgive you. I do.”

“Why?” came the response after a moment.

“I love you,” he said simply.

Castiel sucked in a breath.

“It’s not a punishment.”

“I know. I do love you too.”

“Okay. Now, will you answer my question?”

“Alright. I did meet Dean. Only twice, though.”

“What did he say?”

“He brought me papers to co-own his car. He calls it Baby if that helps put it in context.”

“Not really,” Alec said with a short laugh.

“Alec?”

“Yes?”

“Can we be friends?”

“We are, Castiel.”

“Do you need time?”

“If you want to talk about your very happy relationship with Dean, then yes. But everything else, I’m here for you. Always.”

“As am I. Thank you, Alec.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I need to go. I will call you later. Bye, Alec.”

“Bye.”

~*~

Isabelle staggered a little as she toed off her boots. She was exhausted after the long shift at the hospital and just the scent and the warmth of home was calming. She jumped when someone knocked on the door. Grumbling, she opened the door and frowned, almost shutting it again. It was not that she was angry by who stood at the door, but she was so surprised she thought she was dreaming.

“Ragnor?”

“Isabelle,” he answered, hands raising in greeting. He grinned.

“What are you doing-Yes, sure, come in,” she moved out of the way as Ragnor invited himself inside the house.

“I come with presents,” he announced, holding up a bottle of expensive whiskey.

She shrugged and led him inside to the living area. Letting him settle, she brought two crystal glasses back setting them in front of her.

“So, what is this about?” She asked, accepting her glass and settling in the love seat.

Ragnor poured himself a generous amount and measured that against his fingers. He nodded satisfied and finally granted his attention. He observed her watchfully. “Catarina told me about Alec.”

“Alright,” she answered, confused.

“And how you want to help both of them,” he added, inclining his head towards her.

“Are you here to tell me off as well?” She rolled her eyes, leaning back against the hand rest.

“On the contrary, I want to collaborate.” He shrugged, cup moving with his hand but not a drop fell on the ground. He set the cup on the side table and leaned forward. “I want to help get the crazy boys together.”

“Why? I thought we shouldn’t be interfering.” She sounded bitter even to her own ears.

“I believe it’s been long enough. Some gentle nudging might just work wonders for them.”

“Okay… What do you propose?”

He smiled winningly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone is getting hitched in the next chapter.
> 
> I think things are progressing for Castiel and Dean. They're trying. Alec and Magnus are doing that on their own at the moment. Alec really deserved that apology I think.   
> Finally, personally, I tend not to interfere, Isabelle and Ragnor would be my go-to for interfering purposes. 
> 
> Thanks for your love. <3 We're almost there. :) I think 4 chapters more.


	27. Where's My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec finds out a truth.  
> Dean and Castiel are trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the SYML song that played during the Malec sex scene.

Simon and Raphael were lounging on the couch, lost in each other. Simon had Raphael’s hand in his and unconsciously, his fingers stroked the silver band on his finger. They were talking quietly, laughing often.

Isabelle smiled from the door of the kitchen. She was not allowed inside the kitchen, but she wanted to give Simon and Raphael their space. It had been her who had seen Simon’s ring first. With Magnus and Alec both out of commission, he had decided to go ahead with the proposal rather than asking them for advice. She had approved excitedly, promising not to give the secret away. And then she almost did. Of course, she stopped herself in time.

“They’re really adorable,” she murmured, softly to the party inside the kitchen.

Alec, Clary and Jace were cramped up inside the kitchen, dropping things and in general being dysfunctional. She laughed when Jace dropped a pan and Clary and Alec hit their heads together as they tried to pick it up at the same time.

“You are worse than I am,” Isabelle commented, grinning.

Jace tugged her inside the kitchen for a second; a pan caught fire. He pushed her out and Alec was able to control the fire immediately. Jace smiled at her, inclining his head.

“I don’t appreciate my kitchen on fire,” Alec called out, with a warning in his tone. “Actually, Jace. You join her in being creepy over the couple. You are pretty bad yourself.”

Clary made a small victory noise waving at Jace as he joined Isabelle with a huff.

“Everyone’s getting married,” Alec murmured, more to himself than to anyone else. He hoped he didn’t sound bitter or unhappy because he was happy. He loved his friends. They deserved to be married.

Clary knocked their shoulders together or, well, knocked her shoulder into his arm owing to their height difference. “You know, I wasn’t going to say anything-“

“Clary don’t sympathize. I’m not unhappy.”

“No, that’s not what I mean, Alec. I know you’re happy for us. All I meant was that I’m here for you. I know we don’t see eye to eye on things. We are different. Anyway, I want to say that what you’ve been going through must be hard and I’m sorry. We are here for you; all of us. No matter what.”

Alec smiled lopsidedly at her and tossed a washcloth over his shoulder, turning swiftly to pour out the chilli into a bowl. He didn’t respond but he felt more at peace than before. He wasn’t alone; his family was just getting married. Nothing was going to change.

“I can’t believe how synced you are with Magnus, though.”

Alec didn’t catch it at first and then he turned around to see three pairs of eyes staring at him. Isabelle looked at Clary, admonishingly. Jace stepped closer to Alec, eyes on him as if he was a wild animal.

“What are you talking about?” Alec asked, carefully.

“Alec.” Isabelle stepped closer as well.

Jace held a hand out. “He should know.”

“Know what?”

Jace wouldn’t look at Isabelle. “Magnus broke up with Camille, Alec.”

“Oh. I… Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You had your own shit to deal with,” Jace answered.

“You should have. I should have been there for him.” He felt anger rise. “He must think I don’t care about him.”

Before even thinking it through, he was pulling off his apron and walking towards the door to put on his shoes.

“Alec!” Isabelle called, following him.

Alec could feel the rest of them gather and follow her following him. “What?” he asked, putting on a coat and pushing his puppy away gently from his feet where she was yipping away.

“You can’t just barge in now.”

“Why not?” he questioned irritably.

The rest of them fell quiet at a loss for words. He _could_ barge in.

“What will you even say?” Raphael murmured finally.

“I’m his friend. He doesn’t take breakups well. I just have to go.” He knew it didn’t answer their questions, but he had to go.

 

A cab was easy to find even though it was late. Twenty minutes later, he stood at the door of Magnus’s apartment. All the bluster and now he had no idea what to say to Magnus. They hadn’t talked in months and going back meant conversations he wasn’t sure he was ready for. He was too exhausted to talk about those things. But somewhere deep inside he knew that Magnus was sad. He must be devastated. Magnus always put his heart and soul into his relationships and no matter what had happened between them, he knew that he couldn’t just abandon his best friend.

Or he hoped they were still friends.

Besides, he was already here and he was not a coward.

He swallowed his pride and knocked at the door. It took a moment for Magnus to come at the door. The man must have been ready to go to bed because he had wiped off his makeup and his hair was flat; long hair mussed over his forehead. He seemed soft and innocent, wrapped up in his sleep clothes.

Alec recognized his old sweatshirt with a jolt. Magnus seemed to realize it at the same moment and hugged himself, awkwardly.

“Come in,” Magnus finally murmured, letting Alec in.

They padded quietly over to the living room and Alec rubbed a finger along his own wrist, focusing on the carpet in the room. He couldn’t seem to meet Magnus’s eyes.

“Why are you here?” Magnus asked, unsure. His voice didn’t imply anything other than a keen feeling that this was a hallucination.

“I… I just found out about you and I needed to see you.”

“Found out about me?” Magnus murmured, amused. “You’ve known about me for a while now.”

Alec shook his head. “I mean, about Camille.”

He fell quiet, staring at Alec. “You didn’t know?”

“No. Nobody told me. I-I broke-Well, I mean. Castiel broke up with me. So… They thought it was better I didn’t… Actually, I don’t know what they were thinking. I just found out. And I wanted to be here.”

Magnus buried his face in his hands, sniffing and then laughing humourlessly. “You’re broken-hearted too?”

“I guess so.”

Magnus got up and pushed at Alec till they were seated together, limbs tangled. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“Not tonight.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

They remained silent for a few minutes, just revelling in each other’s presence.

“I needed my best friend,” Magnus confessed, leaning his head on Alec’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry about Castiel.”

“He found love. I can’t blame him. What happened with Camille?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay. Do you want to fall asleep to Netflix and ice cream?”

“No. Just you.”

Alec nodded, kissing his forehead. “Are you sure we can ignore everything for a night?”

“I just really need a break, Alexander. At least for tonight. Please?”

“I do too.”

“Then, let’s just go to bed.”

 

Alec woke up first in the morning with Magnus’s hair tickling his nose. He pushed his head away from him, breathing deeply. However, he didn’t let go of Magnus, instead, he tightened his hold on the man. It had been long enough since he had seen Magnus, but he hadn’t realized just how much he missed the simple act of being near him.

Magnus shuddered awake, pulling Alec out of his drowsy state. They stared at each other, both aware of the baggage that lay between them but neither willing to admit to it. Alec moved a little closer to Magnus as though if they left no spaces between them, the doubts would just fade away.

“Magnus… Ever since our fights… Ever since we stopped talking, I can’t think straight.”

“Would this be a bad moment to tell you that you never did think straight?”

Alec pushed at his shoulder, rolling his eyes. “I’m serious. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stopped talking to you.”

“I can’t do anything without thinking of you. I thought I had to choose between Camille and you. Now, I know better. There was never a choice. I’m sorry.”

“I can’t live without you, Magnus. Whatever that means.” He stated it matter-of-factly as though nothing in the world could avoid that from happening.

Magnus smiled warmly at him but didn’t say anything. There was a hint of surprise in his eyes and it was soon replaced with warmth.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Alexander.”

“No, Magnus – there’s something I want to tell you. When I talk about love, I don’t just mean as my best friend.”

“Alexander-“

“No, let me say it. I am in love with you, Magnus.”

Magnus sucked in a breath, swiftly sitting up; his face turned away from Alec.

“Magnus?” Alec murmured, feeling a bit of paranoia sneak itself into his veins.

It had been a moment of madness that had led him to finally confess what he had been holding onto for so long. There was a jolt of realization of what he had spoken. He had given away the biggest secret he had held onto for so long and he had just said it without any recognition of consequences. This could mean the loss of a friendship he had been so scared of losing just a minute before. He sat up too, slowly. It was slipping away.

“Alexander,” Magnus eventually murmured, looking over his shoulder at Alec. “We can’t.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it. It was stupid. Look, can we just forget that ever happened. You’re my friend. My best friend. That’s all. We just woke up and-and this isn’t something I should have just… Anyway, let’s just forget it.”

Magnus waved it away, facing Alec again. “No. Guess this will be the first thing we can address, then.” He huffed. “Alexander, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Put it behind you… Let’s put it behind _us_. We’re different. We’re from different worlds. I think it’s better we stay friends.”

The answer was final.

All these years. What had Alec been hoping for?

He nodded, getting up from the bed and putting his coat back on. “Right.”

“Alexander?” Magnus called softly, sitting on the bed cross-legged.

He was akin to a soft innocent child. Alec wanted to cry.

“Yes?”

“We’re still friends, right?”

“Obviously,” he answered trying to pack in some gusto into his words, but it came out more like a manic response, his smile off-setting his tone.

“Alexand-“

“I have to go!” He cut him off. “I’ll see you.”

~*~

Castiel was early that day and it was odd watching _The Roadhouse_ actually in action. A very few customers came in at that time on a Friday, but it was still fun watching Ellen, Jo and Ash banter. He steepled his fingers and rested his chin on them, waiting and watching. He was so busy observing that he didn’t realize when Dean came in.

“Hey,” Dean murmured, seeming relieved.

Castiel realized with a blow that Dean wasn’t expecting to see him there. “Hello, Dean,” he responded.

Dean smiled a little. “How’re you?”

“I’m alright,” he replied, smiling back at him.

“I didn’t expect you to be here,” Dean blurted out suddenly and then seemed to regret. His eyes were on Castiel as though he would disappear now. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say-“

“It’s okay,” Castiel interjected, taking his hand. “I’m here. Now.” He added as an afterthought.

Dean intertwined their fingers, watching him cautiously. “Are we going to talk?”

“I was thinking we could have a nice lunch. No questions and answers. And, then, I was thinking we could take a walk in the park – and we can talk. Is that okay?”

Dean considered the words and then nodded slowly. “We can do that. Are you sure you have the time?”

“I’ve been putting in the hours. I took time off. Can you?”

“Bobby won’t miss me much.”

Castiel smiled. “How’s Bobby? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“He’s the same grouch that you met last,” Dean answered sounding a little more confident.

Castiel had never seen Dean being so vulnerable in his life but then he had admitted to something that Castiel never thought that he would. He had put himself out there even with so many considerations. He had ended up pushing Lisa away and risked being rejected by Castiel. It had taken Castiel time to see all of that. So, seeing him sound confident and not like the version of him who had just been scolded by his father was reassuring.

He laughed. “Do you remember the weekend we spent with Bobby when we had almost – _almost_ – gotten in trouble at my university?”

Dean smirked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he lied, leaning back to accept his plate of food.

Castiel thanked Ash and turned back to Dean. “You’re an asshole. You had me convinced that you could make an amplifier for your guitar from the things in the automobiles department. I still don’t understand how you almost set the entire lab on fire.”

Dean barked a laugh, grinning at Castiel. “I thought I knew what I was doing but apparently I didn’t. You can’t blame me for that fuse going out.”

“Oh, I can and will blame you. I’m glad we got out just in time.”

“Remember the trip to Sioux Falls?” Dean murmured, lost in reverie. “You would not stop complaining until I knocked you out and you got so pissed at me when we got there.”

“Then, Bobby talked some sense into us.” Castiel laughed softly.

His memories were tinted in soft pastel colours; preserved and loved.

“I’m glad it was you.” Dean smiled at him. He didn’t sound feeble or unsure of himself.

Castiel knew that he would have said the same if they had just been friends as well. Whatever they had built over the years was more than the inkling of a future relationship. They already had a profound bond; something unshakeable.

“Me too,” Castiel answered.

The rest of the meal was spent talking about their years in the university and the shenanigans. It was reliving the twenty times that Dean had gotten them in trouble versus once when Castiel had. Dean’s had always involved his guitar, the Impala or alcohol but when Castiel had gotten them in trouble, it had been more subtle.

Dean had helped him start a rumour about one of their professors, Dr Crowley MacLeod. Castiel had expected a good score on his exam but he had marked him down. When he had gone to take up the matter with him, he found him taking bribes in multiple creative manners to give the students higher scores. With Dean’s help, Castiel had exposed the man almost getting in trouble when Crowley had used his pull with the authorities. However, the entire student body had intervened until they couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Dean dropped the money on the table as they got up. He waved at Ellen and led Castiel outside. He squinted in the light and turned around to nod at the nearby park. Castiel smiled agreeably, taking Dean’s offered hand as they walked to the park. Dean tugged him towards the rough path, which was longer and took them through the trees as opposed to the cemented path.

“So,” Castiel started, staring at the ground instead of Dean. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth thinking of what to say.

“So,” Dean replied. “What are we going to do, Cas?”

“Give it a shot,” he said, simply. “I know that I haven’t been easy on you. And I’m sorry about that. But if there’s anything the last few weeks have taught me is that the two of us deserve a concerted effort.”

Dean was eyeing him; Castiel could feel the weight of his stare but he still refused to look.

“What does ‘giving it a shot’ mean?” It lacked judgment but it had hints of wariness and caution that Castiel felt himself.

“We need to discuss our boundaries… I don’t think I’m ready to jump into a relationship. With you… I know ‘taking it slow’ means about two decades in our lives, but I just feel that taking some time to understand each other might actually do us some good.”

Dean nodded. “I understand.”

“Dean, I know what you’re thinking.”

“What am I thinking?” he asked roughly.

Sighing, Castiel tugged him off the path entirely and through the trees. He stopped in a patch of sunlight, facing Dean finally. He cupped Dean’s cheeks and kissed him.

They had been waiting for this for a long time. The trees seemed to sing, and the light seemed to grow around them for a few seconds. It didn’t last long but in those few moments, Dean and Castiel were one. Castiel could feel the energy in Dean’s body and the way he responded to the touch was electric. Castiel had kissed his fair share of people but none of them existed before this, not even the ghosts of their own kisses. This was jagged and new-born; it was exciting and terrifying all at once. But it was home. It was safe.

Castiel pulled away, resting their foreheads together. “It’s not a rejection.”

“Then, what is it?” Dean murmured on autopilot, lips chasing Castiel’s.

But Castiel pulled away, standing a step away. “It’s a promise.”

Before Castiel could elaborate, his phone started to ring. Even though it was the exact moment where he should have ignored it, the ring somehow felt insistent.

“I’m sorry,” he said, distractedly, taking the call. “Hello.”

“Castiel,” Alec answered, sounding harried.

“Alec? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Magnus… I-Castiel, I told him I loved him, and he said he did too, but it would be better if we remained friends. I… I’m so stupid. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have called you, I know that, but Izzy isn’t taking calls and I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Hey, Alec. It’s okay. Breathe. I’m glad you called me. What happened?”

“Magnus broke up with Camille. I just found out yesterday. So, I went to see him. We spent the night together. As friends. And nothing happened but then we woke up and I don’t know why but I just told him for some reason and then he just dismissed me. I don’t know what to do, Castiel.”

“Where are you?”

“At the University.”

“Alright, Alec. I need you to breathe deeply and I need you to sit down for a while. I understand that this was a big confession and that’s alright. You did nothing wrong. We’ll figure out what it means later. Right now? I need you to know that everything is okay, and you haven’t ruined anything. What Magnus and you have is strong – as friends. Any confessions won’t ruin it.”

“Right… You’re right… I’m just very scared, Castiel.”

“I understand. You know I do. Do you need me to come and get you?”

“No. Thank you. I’ll be alright.”

“Yes, you will be. It’s okay, Alec. I promise I’ll help you figure this out.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

Alec hung up.

When Castiel looked at Dean, the man was staring at him like he had two heads.

“Dean, I love you. But I think we can learn from two other idiots in love before anything else.” There was a smile playing on his lips.

“What do I have to do?”

“I’d like you to meet someone. I think you can get through to him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, guys. We're so close. At 50k, we only have 10k words more. Around 3 chapters more.
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying. I love reading your increasingly distressed messages. 
> 
> Next up is a Magnus confession laced with hurt and pain. <3


	28. Magnus Bane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ragnor loves Magnus.  
> Dean has a mission.

Ragnor Fell was old. He was much older than the company he kept. However, they kept him on his toes, and he believed that was what was required in his old age. Of course, he was forty and not traditionally _old_ , but hanging around Magnus made him feel the years very minutely.

He loved the boy. He loved him like the younger brother he never wanted. Not that Ragnor would have it any differently. Magnus had arrived in his life with a surprise and a literal bang. But every day since then had been good. Honestly, he considered Magnus to be his lucky charm. The time spent away from him in Europe had actually not been as educational as he had put on. Somewhere he knew that Magnus was aware of that. Besides, he’d never lived more than a block away from him since then.

How could he leave his lucky charm high and dry right when he needed him the most?

However, that didn’t mean he was a party man at all. He preferred to hold his drink and stick to a side of the apartment much like a moody teenager. Unlike a teenager, though, he preferred to think he was better at melding into the crowd and go unseen.

The Lightwoods arrived as a pack with Clary hanging on Jace’s arm. Isabelle beelined for him while the brothers went to the kitchen to get some drinks. Alec seemed to be slouching more than usual. However, he was tall enough to still be noticed.

“Isabelle,” he greeted, hugging her.

She smiled at him. “Ragnor. How’re you?”

“I’m good. Alec doesn’t seem so great, though.”

She sighed and looked back at Alec, brooding around the kitchen. Taking Ragnor’s wrist, she pulled him aside, away from the crowd. “Magnus and he have had two altercations and neither of them went well. Magnus admitted to being in love with Alec but told him he didn’t want anything. Mostly, Alec told me it was because Magnus thought he wasn’t good enough. I’m not so sure but he’s taking it hard. He’s gotten his heart broken twice. He barely made it out of bed today.”

Ragnor sucked his front teeth and looked around the party, still not catching sight of Magnus. “This isn’t as we had hoped but they need us more than ever, Isabelle. Let me take care of Magnus. I suppose you’ll be good looking after Alec?”

“I will be.” She smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Ragnor.”

“Anything for the Bane of my existence,” he replied with a smile.

Isabelle nodded and vanished into the crowd.

Ragnor wasn’t alone for long however when he was joined by another one of his younger friends. At least she acted her age.

“What are you planning to do?” Catarina asked, jumping right to the point.

Ragnor shrugged. “I haven’t figured it out yet, but he needs my help.”

“Interfering never helps, Fell.”

“Being a supportive friend is not interfering,” he winked and started to walk away.

The partygoers suddenly cheered when Magnus made his way out of his bedroom. He was dressed in dark maroon pants and a black button-up with a green and silver inlay. His bottle green boots completed the outfit. He smiled at everyone, setting the rings curling over his ear into their place. Magnus had always dressed well but this seemed like a reinvention. This generally happened after a traumatic event. Ragnor had an inkling that this change wasn’t all about Camille.

The door opened and a hush fell through the crowd. Ragnor turned to look at what the fuss was about. Right at the entrance stood Camille Belcourt, tall and proud. She was a gorgeous pale woman dressed in a tight white dress. A blood red jewel glinted over her chest and matching earrings were visible under her dark hair. She looked determined, and she looked _pissed_.

“Magnus Bane,” she bellowed.

Magnus startled but stood his ground. “Camille,” he responded, calmly.

Ragnor pushed past Alicia and Max, the Banes twins, and stood beside Magnus, a hand on his shoulder.

Magnus nodded at him, gratefully.

“How dare you! I thought you said you loved me and then you dumped me. You never apologized! You never called! I thought what we had was important to you!”

If Ragnor didn’t know better, he’d say she was actually chagrined by the loss of Magnus in her life. A single tear slipped down her face not upsetting anything in her disturbingly static beauty. Sometimes she gave Ragnor the impression of being a vampire. He shook the thought away, refocusing his attention on Magnus.

“I dumped you, Camille. If anyone owes me an apology, it’s you. You disrespected me. You disrespected my friends.” He was trying to maintain a cool appearance but up close Ragnor could see how easily it could break.

“Magnus,” she simpered, swooping in closer to him and taking his hands. “You know how much we love each other! Don’t do this!”

“Camille, you could never let me have anyone besides you. I refuse to make the same mistakes again. I’m sorry. Please stop disrupting my party and show yourself out.”

Ragnor felt a bubble of pride in his chest. He knew Magnus was hurting but he was holding his ground so well.

Camille rose to her full height, staring Magnus down even though she was shorter. “You can try and find happiness among these people. The ones you call your friends. But when everyone is gone, you know that I’ll be the one with you forever. That’s why you love me, and you always will.”

“I don’t love you, Camille. Get out.”

She pursed her lips and turned around sharply, her heels clacking loudly in the silence.

The door swung shut behind her and all eyes turned to Magnus. He smiled like the gracious host that he was.

“Just a minor hiccup. Carry on,” he announced, seeming light-hearted.

As soon as everyone was occupied again, he walked back inside his room wordlessly. Ragnor followed, pulling him into a hug. Magnus buried his face in his shoulder.

“I meant it,” he murmured eventually.

“What’s that, my Carrot?” Ragnor asked.

Magnus sighed and pulled away, walking to his bed and settling on the edge. “You haven’t called me that in years.”

Ragnor followed, sitting beside him. “I thought we promised to be each other’s Cabbage and Carrot forever.”

Magnus chuckled and looked at his hands. “I was twelve,” he answered, apropos to nothing.

Ragnor shrugged. “I like it.”

“I do too.”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m not sure.” Magnus rose suddenly, grabbing a book from his desk that was jutting out from between the papers. He wasn’t an unkempt man but Ragnor could understand where the absent-mindedness was coming from.

He retook his seat, opening the book. It was an album.

“Remember Imasu?” Magnus murmured, touching the edge of a photograph lovingly.

It was Imasu lit by a bonfire on the beach. He was shirtless and barefoot, playing the charango and eyes shut, singing along with it. If Ragnor tried harder, he could almost hear the music mixed with the crackle of the fire and the call of the cicadas. An occasional wave crashing along the coast just added to it. He squinted and caught sight of Magnus almost out of the frame but looking at Imasu with rapt attention.

“I’m surprised that lasted as long as it did. He was always so much better looking than you.” Ragnor smiled at Magnus’s exasperation. “I never understood why you never went after the boy,” he added, serious now.

“I was young, but he was younger. He wanted the world when I was still trying to find my feet.” Magnus flipped through the pages, stopping at random. “Maybe Camille’s right. I am better off alone. I can party and have fun to my heart’s content without the anchor of love around my feet.”

“You’re not Camille.”

“I’m not.” He fingered the edge of a well-worn photograph. He pulled it out of its clasp and turned it around.

            _My Dear Magnus,_

_I could love no one the way I’ve loved you._

_Forever Yours,_

_Etta._

Ragnor took the picture from Magnus’s hands and slipped it back. “Magnus, could there be something else that has been holding you back for so long?”

Magnus remained quiet and flipped through more pages. More and more pictures with Alec started to taunt him till he shut the album with a slap. Setting it aside, Magnus started to pace his room.

“Remember when you were 18 and your first love left for the army? George? You came to me. Remember what I told you?” Ragnor stood up but didn’t move.

“’And though I know you won’t believe me, someday someone will come along who will tear down those walls you’ve built around your heart’,” Magnus recited perfectly. He eyed Ragnor, pausing in his step, wary.

“Magnus, you’ve already let someone do that.”

Tears shone in Magnus’s eyes, but he swiped them away, angrily. “I cannot have him.”

 “You’ve convinced yourself that you cannot because you’re somehow broken. Camille can never take away your spark. It’s one that attracts everyone. It’s what Alec fell in love with. She could never take it away from you, my love, my _Carrot_.”

Magnus wiped the tears away again and shook his head. “I can’t, Ragnor.”

“Don’t stare love in the face and build yourself lies.”

“I’ve already lost him.”

“Then, you must do everything in your power to fight for it.”

~*~

“Who exactly told you that this is a good idea?” Dean grumbled, turning the piece of paper in his hand. He hoped there would something else written on it, like ‘April Fool’s’ even though, it was almost November.

“Dean,” Castiel said, a warning in his tone.

“I know, I know. We should help them.” He sighed, leaning his head back. “Why?”

“I… I’m not sure. Do you want me to accompany you? We can do this tomorrow. Together.”

“No, no. No, I got this. I just don’t understand the point.”

Castiel was quiet for several moments but Dean knew that he was still there. He could hear the even breath. “I think I’m just trying to make up for what I did to Alec.”

“Do you think you can?” His mind instantly went to Lisa. Their wedding would have been two weeks ago. They still hadn’t talked.

“I have to try.”

“Okay. I’ll do it, Cas.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” The past few days since they had been texting or talking, Castiel made it a point to tell him that right before he left. Those three words said with utmost care and precision. They always hit something deep inside Dean turning into a ball of warmth.

“I love you too.”

They hung up and Dean finally plucked up the courage to make his way inside the apartment building. He looked around the entrance and followed a tall woman entering the building. Glancing around the foyer, he moved quickly towards the elevator.

“Penthouse 1, Nightingale Towers, Brooklyn,” he recited to himself. It really wasn’t hard to remember at all, but it was a tactic to forget his nervousness.

Dean should not be nervous. He tried not to be as he stared at his reflection in the mirrored walls of the elevator. It was an expensive set of apartments that the man lived in. He must be earning well. Maybe that was what was intimidating.

However, Dean had felt the nervousness long before he had known where he lived. He shook his thoughts away and realized he had never pressed a button on the panel. The doors opened and someone else joined him inside, greeting him. So, it was an even better establishment than previously assumed if the people were so nice to strangers. This time he remembered to press the button for the top floor.

He walked to the door of the apartment and rang the bell. He didn’t have to wait long before a man opened it.

Magnus Bane was wearing a violet tie and dye shirt with a black waistcoat and mahogany pants. The purple eyeshadow glittered around his brown eyes. One of the many silver chains around his neck caught Dean’s eyes and he was blinded for a second. He had never met a man who looked like Magnus before.

When Dean thought of make-up and jewellery on a man, he thought tacky or hipster. He never expected to actually find someone who could make it seem attractive to him. Whatever Magnus was wearing would be something that Dean wouldn’t even dream of buying but everything that fit right on the man himself.

“Hi, can I help you?” Magnus finally asked when Dean seemed too lost in drinking him in.

“Uh, Magnus Bane?” He asked, gruffly.

“The one and only. What can I do for you?”

“Uh, do you know Cas? Castiel?” His full name felt foreign and awkward to him. He was always Cas to him.

“Alec’s ex-boyfriend?” Magnus questioned, confused.

“Yes. I’m his friend and I wanted to meet you.”

“Oh, come in.” He moved aside to let him in. “You can put your coat on the hanger if you want. I have a warm apartment. Chairman Meow – my cat – hates the cold weather.”

Dean was surprised by the amicability. There was no reason for Magnus to even tolerate him.

“Oh – I’m allergic to cats,” Dean commented, a little lost but obediently following Magnus to the living area.

“Ah, crap. I’ll keep him away,” he promised. “Would you like something to eat or drink?”

“A beer, if you have one.”

Magnus grimaced good-naturedly, waving his hand around. The man was very fluid in his movements. “I’m sorry, I’m not the beer drinking type. I do have wine and something harder if you like that.”

“No. No,” Dean murmured. “I’m fine.”

“I presume you’re here for something related to fashion. A wardrobe change, perhaps,” Magnus inquired taking a seat opposite to Dean after he had settled in a chair. There was no inflexion or condescension in his voice; just a sense of a good-natured business-like tone.

The dying sunlight from the floor to ceiling windows made Magnus’s eyes look almost yellow. In his presence, Dean really didn’t feel that intimidated. He wasn’t sure that they could ever be friends owing to how different they were from each other but that didn’t mean he wasn’t amicable.

“Uh,” Dean replied, a little delayed. He needed to start paying attention to the conversation. “I’m not, actually. I came here at Castiel’s request.”

Magnus’s brow furrowed. “I don’t think I understand.”

“I’m sorry, yeah. I’m being cryptic. Cas… Well, he’s in touch with Alec and while he thought he could do this himself, he decided it would be better if it was through me. He felt you might be more receptive to me.”

“Okay… I don’t think I’m really interested in anything Castiel has to say, I’m sorry. He hurt Alec.”

“He’s been beating himself up about that. And, Magnus, I’m really sorry to bring this up but can you really say any different when it comes to hurting Alec.”

Magnus fell quiet, swallowing thickly.

Following the silence, Dean continued, “So, well. Uh, I think it would be best if I told you a story. When I was thirteen, I met the best person ever – Cas. He became my best friend. My brother, my dad and I; we used to travel a lot. Never stayed in a place for too long. You see my mother died when I was a kid and it was just never the same. Anyway, I learnt what love was from Cas. I learnt kindness. Basically, a bunch of things. So, we grew up. Always in touch. And I fell in love with him. But I was stupid enough to ignore it. Because of some thoughtless thing my dad said when I was younger. He’s gone now and he might not even have cared, you know. It was just said in passing but I internalized that shit. I was almost too late.” Dean could see on Magnus’s face that he knew where this was going. “I almost got married. I loved her but it wasn’t enough. So, I told Cas I loved him. And now here I am.”

“What does this have to do with me?” Magnus asked, his voice soft and vulnerable.

“Alec,” Dean responded, simply. “You love him. He loves you. Don’t waste your time.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do. I’m not always sure but I’m trying. You’ve already told each other the truth. What’s stopping you now.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know you and you need to leave.”

Dean held up his palms, placatingly. “I know it’s scary. You have every right to be fucking terrified of this. I don’t know what your hang-ups are, man… I… You can get anything you want if you just commit to the horror of asking for it.” He was quoting Sam. He was the one with the empathy gene in the family, damnit.

Magnus stilled, sadness brimming in his eyes. “I can never win him back after all that I’ve done and said.”

“If you think it’s worth it, you have to try.”

“How?”

“Well, I gave Castiel the papers to co-own my car. My car is the only possession I still have from my childhood.” Dean shrugged. “He worried I would run away.”

Magnus pursed his lips and let out a breath. “I… Thank you. I never got your name.”

“Dean. Dean Winchester,” he replied with a nod.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“I’ll, uh, get going.”

“Are you sure you don’t want-“

“Nah, I’m good, thanks. Bye, Magnus.”

“Goodbye.”

As Dean pulled the Impala’s door open, he finally understood he was doing this. Castiel wanted to save a relationship from going down the same road as theirs. Besides, he was sure that somewhere Castiel felt guilty for what had happened with Alec. Meeting Magnus made him realize that it was only him who could have gotten through to the man. He knew what Magnus was going through. Their reasons may have been different, but Dean understood the hesitation and uncertainty. Castiel knew that he would be able to see himself there; sitting on the other side of the situation. It felt like a test. If their relationship worked, Castiel would automatically have faith in theirs. It didn’t sound fair, but Dean understood the need for an anchor. He hoped it had worked.

He called Castiel after a moment. “Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?” His reply was so sincere that Dean’s confidence in his choices was bolstered and it left a sweet ache in his heart.

“I understand. And I just want to say that I will be waiting for as long as you’ll let me.”

Castiel didn’t reply immediately but Dean wasn’t worried. “You don’t have to wait. I’m already yours.”

“Was this just about me visiting a glittery man?”

Castiel laughed. “I’ve always been yours, Dean. I finally feel like we have all the time in the world. I just want to savour that.”

Dean nodded and then realizing that Castiel couldn’t see him, he said, “Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is truly one of my favourite chapters. There's so much emotion here. Ragnor thinking of Magnus as his lucky charm and Dean understanding why he was the only one who could talk to Magnus. I don't think I still explained that part well. It's just the way that Castiel sees it. Magnus and Alec have a relatively less fucked up relationship despite the mistakes now and he knows that those boys have a chance at fixing it. And if you know you can help someone, wouldn't you? Especially if you feel guilty about breaking their heart. Maybe I'm overthinking it.
> 
> Sorry for all the babbling. 
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and love. I wait patiently always for you. <3 
> 
> Oh and thanks to my beta for being the best - media-musings and caswouldratherbehere. :) That's them on tumblr.


	29. How I Love Thee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has an epiphany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very nervous about this chapter. I really wanted to make this moment count and I hope I've done it justice. Please take a second to comment if possible.  
> There's only one more chapter left after this. It'll be an epilogue. I hope you've enjoyed this.

Magnus decided that it was one of those Saturdays when you could go to bed early and pretend the world doesn’t exist. Words from both Ragnor and Dean weighed heavy on his mind. Ragnor had been more cryptic than Dean but their meaning was clear. He needed to make things right with Alec.

They were right, of course. He had loved Alec for a long time and though he had never been particularly scared of evincing his feelings, sharing them with Alec filled him with dread. The more people he loved and lost, the more he realized that losing Alec would be devastating beyond compare. Alec was an important part of his life and if his continued existence in Magnus’s life was only as a friend, then he would accept that. For Alec, anything was bearable.

Now that he knew that Alec was in love with him… A few months ago, he would have been ecstatic to know that. What happened after Camille made him realize that he made bad choices. If someone could manipulate him into pushing his friends away, he didn’t deserve them at all. He was lucky enough to not lose them and he was selfish enough to keep them still. But to imagine a future where he got to keep Alec, he wasn’t able to do that before and definitely not now.

He had hurt Alec, again. In an attempt to protect him, he had failed miserably.

Ragnor and Dean seemed to think he could still make up for his mistakes and find happiness. Nevertheless, he felt there had to be some penance.

An image of Alec’s hurt face appeared in front of his eyes and he felt that deep within his heart. For his penance, did he have to hurt Alec in the process? Surely, he would get over him. A small voice reminded him that Alec had been in love with him for years and hadn’t gotten over him yet. What was there to say he would now.

Furthermore, what about him. Should he hold back on love? Possibly, _true_ love. He had never loved anyone as much as he loved Alec.

He reached out to grab his glasses off the side table and in the process, knocked something down. Bending over the side of the bed, he retrieved it off the ground. It was his album. These days he seemed to return to it often, but he hadn’t looked at it since he had with Ragnor.

He opened it once more. Something caught his eyes and he started flipping the pages faster. He had started making albums since he had first seen Catarina setting up a few. Her interest had weaned over time, but Magnus continued collecting pictures.

The album started with pictures of Catarina, Ragnor, Raphael and him. But soon they progressed to Alec. And Magnus realized that there were a lot of pictures of Alec. The album made him happy and now he understood why. His heart jumped at every picture.

Suddenly, it was inevitable. Whatever his life had been building up to, he was sure it could not be the same without Alec. He had supposed that Alec as a friend would be enough. It had to be enough. Knowing what they knew now, could it be?

They hadn’t looked at each other in the eye. They had spent his party avoiding each other and when they finally crossed paths, they had made small talk. This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted so much more and if he didn’t do something about it now, he stood to lose everything.

Thumbing the edge of a photograph, he knew exactly what he had to do.

~*~

It was one thing to know that your sister was weird because you saw her when she was eight and all limbs with just an animal brain intent on marking every piece of furniture with her favourite pair of scissors fashioned into a knife. It was another to realize that almost twenty years later as she led him to a store to purchase cooking supplies.

“I don’t understand why-“

“Big Brother,” she drawled. “I told you I burnt one of my pans and would like a new one.”

“No, I got that. I just don’t understand why you cook at all.”

She glared at him, but it was without any heat. “Alec, just help me, okay? Oh, and we need to get something for mom’s birthday. I was thinking something to make Mexican food. We haven’t had anything that she’s made for ages. But that’s my gift. You have to select your own.”

Alec frowned at her. “Mom’s birthday is two months away.”

“You can never be prepared enough. I thought you would already have something for her.”

He didn’t respond. Alec liked to plan ahead. He already knew what he was going to get his entire family for their birthdays over the year, but he wasn’t going to give Isabelle the satisfaction.

She smiled smugly at him. They never really needed to talk in words to understand each other.

Alec rolled his eyes and led her inside the mall. They went directly to the _Home Center_. To Alec’s surprise, Isabelle took over an hour considering her options. She made the store executive get a number of options of pans and when she had found the pan she was looking for, she was unable to decide the colour of the handle that she should have.

“Izzy!” Alec complained when the store executive gave him his fifth pained expression.

Isabelle pursed her lips and purchased a pan with a hot pink handle finally.

“What was that all about?” Alec asked as they exited the store.

Isabelle shrugged. “Nothing. Come on. I need to get mom something. Now, I’m thinking of jewelry. I don’t know about you, but I think that the store person didn’t like me much.”

“That’s an understatement,” Alec snorted. “I’ll come with you only if you don’t take an hour.”

“Actually, let’s do that after lunch?” Isabelle turned her puppy face on and hung on Alec’s arm.

Alec found it hard to say no to her already and this didn’t help at all. “Ugh, fine.”

“I’ll buy it for you.”

Alec sighed and nodded.

Isabelle grinned and turned around, linking their arms and taking him to an Ethiopian restaurant that they had discussed a long time ago but never had a chance to come to. They were taken to a table and took recommendations from their waiter. The two of them were mostly used to takeout and their mother’s no-nonsense food. Alec had learned how to cook from her and carried on her passion for plain rice with protein, but this food was flavorful and rich. Alec caught himself thinking of just how much Magnus would enjoy the food.

“We should all come here once. Let’s have one of the dinners here,” Isabelle commented, around a bite of her food.

Alec smiled and nodded. “Yeah. It’s good food.”

Isabelle delved into a story about her dates with Charlie and how she felt about him. They had been on five dates till now and Isabelle had kept it open. They both had other dates as well; Isabelle had continued seeing Meliorn. However, now she wanted to see if she could be serious with one of them. Meliorn was flighty and more of an annual fling than anything more. They seemed to go back to each other after a few months of break. It was never malicious; they liked each other as friends and as lovers. But it could never be more. And Isabelle wasn’t sure that she saw a future with Charlie either, even though she liked him.

“So, I don’t know what to do,” she murmured, biting down on her last bite.

“I think you should break it off with Charlie if you’re not happy,” Alec replied finally. He was still left with a few bites, always being the slowest among the siblings in terms of finishing his food.

“You’re right. I hate this part.” She crinkled her nose. “Let’s get ice cream.” She brightened suddenly.

They paid at the restaurant and Isabelle spent a total of five minutes in selecting the flavour of ice cream she wanted and the toppings that would suit that. Alec just sighed and licked on his vanilla cone – absolutely as no-nonsense as his mother liked. It took him another hour to finally tug her out of the jewellery store where she was just able to select a necklace with a gorgeous red ruby and a pair of emerald earrings but wasn’t able to finalize one. She made Alec promise to go with her again.

“Can we go home now?” Alec asked, sighing as they stood outside the jewellery store.

Isabelle beamed at him. “Come on! You had fun!”

“If you call wasting time at stores pretending as though you just can’t decide fun, then… No. Why are you stalling me, Izzy?”

Isabelle pouted. “You don’t trust me?”

“I do. Which is why I let you stall me.”

“Well. Let’s go and you’ll find out. But don’t you dare mention anything about me letting the cat out of the bag.”

“You haven’t, really.” He shrugged.

Isabelle dropped him outside his building. She kissed his cheek and smiled warmly at him.

“I love you, Alec,” she told him.

He smiled. “You promise I won’t get ambushed by strippers?”

“I can’t promise anything,” she answered cheekily. “Bye, Alec.”

She left as he went up to his apartment. He walked in cautiously, hoping he wouldn’t actually be ambushed by anything in there. But his home was quiet and just as he had left it. He frowned, hanging his coat by the door. It was weird expecting something to happen, so, he made his way quietly through the apartment, looking around. He stopped when he caught sight of his bedroom.

The room was full of photographs hanging by thin golden silk threads off the ceiling. He caught the closest one in his fingers. It was of him dressed up for Halloween as Barney from the kids’ show. He remembered that one. Belligerently, he had tried to stay at home but at the last moment, Isabelle and Jace had convinced him to join them to go to Magnus’s party. His fingered the edges of the photograph and turned it around.

Along with the date and year, there was a poem written in the most beautiful calligraphic font he knew only one person could write in.

>   _Dear Alexander,_
> 
> _How I knew_
> 
> _it was love?_
> 
> _It was as if I had_
> 
> _Fallen asleep_
> 
> _Inside your soul_
> 
> _And awoke_
> 
> _To a string of dreams_
> 
> _Rather than just_
> 
> _Life._

Alec gulped convulsively and he caught sight of a golden thread connecting the images. He held it in between his fingers and followed it to the next one.

It was a picture of him with Virginia Woof for the first time where she was fresh from the pound and he had taken her to the veterinarian with Magnus. The poem behind it read:

> _There is a kind of love called maintenance  
>  Which stores the WD40 and knows when to use it_
> 
> _Which checks the insurance, and doesn’t forget_
> 
> _The milkman; which remembers to plant bulbs;_
> 
> _Which answers letters; which knows the way  
>  The money goes; which deals with dentists_
> 
> _And Road Fund Tax and meeting trains,  
>  And postcards to the lonely; which upholds_
> 
> _The permanently rickety elaborate  
>  Structures of living, which is Atlas._
> 
> _And maintenance is the sensible side of love,_  
>  Which knows what time and weather are doing  
>  To my brickwork; insulates my faulty wiring;  
>  Laughs at my dryrotten jokes; remembers  
>  My need for gloss and grouting; which keeps  
>  My suspect edifice upright in air,  
>  As Atlas did the sky.

 

The next picture was of him with his siblings standing directly under the sun with his hand raised. He was grinning at the camera as they enjoyed Max’s first Little League game at his school, sporting the team colours as a family.

> _“…once I look at you for a moment, I can’t speak any longer, but my tongue breaks down, and then all at once a subtle fire races inside my skin, my eyes can’t see a thing and a whirring whistle thrums at my hearing, cold sweat covers me and a trembling takes ahold of me all over: I’m greener than the grass is and appear to myself to be little short of dying.”_

 

Alec remembered the picture that Simon had clicked with his new Polaroid camera and sent it over to Magnus because it was just too cute. Alec had been so very embarrassed by the way he had been looking at Magnus with so much love that it occupied his entire attention. Until now. He could clearly see the expression mirrored on Magnus’s face.

> _Right in front of you_  
>  Right in front of me  
>  We were looking  
>  For somehow, some way  
>  We couldn't see  
>  That the love was always there  
>  It's been around us everywhere  
>  I had to fall to finally see  
>  That you were right in front of me.

 

Isabelle had forced them under the ‘best friend’ mistletoe that had been set up on the occasion of Friendship’s Day in their college as a prank. But Magnus had taken it in his stride and kissed Alec’s cheek, who had proceeded to roll his eyes but couldn’t hide his smile.

> _A glimpse through an interstice caught,_  
>  Of a crowd of workmen and drivers in a bar-room around the stove late of a winter night, and I unremark’d seated in a corner,  
>  Of a youth who loves me and whom I love, silently approaching and seating himself near, that he may hold me by the hand,  
>  A long while amid the noises of coming and going, of drinking and oath and smutty jest,  
>  There we two, content, happy in being together, speaking little, perhaps not a word.

 

It was a group picture from when they first met. Simon’s band looked much better and Magnus had insisted on before and after pictures. The one that hung in Alec’s room was the after picture where Magnus had wheedled his way to stand right beside Alec.

> _What sound was that?_
> 
> _I turn away, into the shaking room._
> 
> _What was that sound that came in on the dark?_  
>  What is this maze of light it leaves us in?  
>  What is this stance we take,  
>  To turn away and then turn back?  
>  What did we hear?
> 
> _It was the breath we took when we first met._
> 
> _Listen. It is here._

 

Alec was sitting alone in the corner of the room with a raging party going on in the room during one of their college years. He was grinning at something in his hand. Because of the dark and the angle, it wasn’t visible, but he knew exactly what it was. It had been one of the leather bracelets that Magnus wore often and had given it to Alec without a word. He hadn’t known that Magnus had a picture of that.

> _How do I love thee? Let me count the ways._  
>  I love thee to the depth and breadth and height  
>  My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
>  For the ends of being and ideal grace

 

Alec had hated the picture Magnus had taken of him when he had been cooking – it was just him with the sun from the window, focused on the bowl in his hand. He had been mixing the batter for Magnus’s birthday cake. To his own eyes, it was unremarkable, but Magnus had told him that he loved the picture. He didn’t think it would make it to the album. Alec knew now that these were pictures from Magnus’s album – precious, loved memories.

> _I couldn't utter my love when it counted_
> 
> _Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now_
> 
> _And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted_
> 
> _Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now_
> 
> _Words hung above, but never would form_
> 
> _Like a cry at the final breath that is drawn_
> 
> _Remember me, love, when I'm reborn_
> 
> _As a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn._

 

One of the game nights that they used to have early in their twenties when meeting once a week felt like an achievable and necessary dream, they had ended up asleep on the couch together. The two of them were leaning heavily into each other with Isabelle and Jace on either side of the frame giving shit-eating grins and a thumbs-up each.

> _I came to you one rainless August night._  
>  You taught me how to live without the rain.  
>  You are thirst and thirst is all I know.  
>  You are sand, wind, sun, and burning sky,  
>  The hottest blue. You blow a breeze and brand  
>  Your breath into my mouth. You reach—then bend  
>  Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.  
>  You wrap your name tight around my ribs  
>  And keep me warm. I was born for you.  
>  Above, below, by you, by you surrounded.  
>  I wake to you at dawn. Never break your  
>  Knot. Reach, rise, blow, Sálvame, mi dios,  
>  Trágame, mi tierra. Salva, traga, Break me,  
>  I am bread. I will be the water for your thirst.

 

The penultimate picture on his quest was actually not a picture at all but parchment-looking paper. It had just a poem on it.

> _How does Love speak?_  
>  In the faint flush upon the telltale cheek,  
>  And in the pallor that succeeds it; by  
>  The quivering lid of an averted eye--  
>  The smile that proves the parent to a sigh  
>  Thus doth Love speak.  
>    
>  How does Love speak?  
>  By the uneven heart-throbs, and the freak  
>  Of bounding pulses that stand still and ache,  
>  While new emotions, like strange barges, make  
>  Along vein-channels their disturbing course;  
>  Still as the dawn, and with the dawn's swift force--  
>  Thus doth Love speak.  
>    
>  How does Love speak?  
>  In the avoidance of that which we seek--  
>  The sudden silence and reserve when near--  
>  The eye that glistens with an unshed tear--  
>  The joy that seems the counterpart of fear,  
>  As the alarmed heart leaps in the breast,  
>  And knows, and names, and greets its godlike guest--  
>  Thus doth Love speak.  
>    
>  How does Love speak?  
>  In the proud spirit suddenly grown meek--  
>  The haughty heart grown humble; in the tender  
>  And unnamed light that floods the world with splendor;  
>  In the resemblance which the fond eyes trace  
>  In all fair things to one beloved face;  
>  In the shy touch of hands that thrill and tremble;  
>  In looks and lips that can no more dissemble--  
>  Thus doth Love speak.  
>    
>  How does Love speak?  
>  In the wild words that uttered seem so weak  
>  They shrink ashamed in silence; in the fire  
>  Glance strikes with glance, swift flashing high and higher,  
>  Like lightnings that precede the mighty storm;  
>  In the deep, soulful stillness; in the warm,  
>  Impassioned tide that sweeps through throbbing veins,  
>  Between the shores of keen delights and pains;  
>  In the embrace where madness melts in bliss,  
>  And in the convulsive rapture of a kiss--  
>  Thus doth Love speak.  
>    
> 

The last one was from another Halloween when Magnus had started making sure that they coordinated. They were dressed as Freddie Mercury and Jim Hutton because Magnus wanted to portray an LGBT power couple. Magnus did look amazing as Freddie. It just held three words on the back.

> **_Aku Cinta Kamu._ **

If it hadn’t been clear right at the outset who was behind this, it was clear when someone cleared their throat standing at the door of his bedroom. Alec swung around, still holding the last picture in his hands. The golden thread came off the ceiling making its way to rest over Alec’s hair and shoulder. His eyes followed the thread to his hand and shook it off.

“You?” That’s all he could say, overwhelmed by what was in front of him.

“Me,” Magnus answered, eyes open, honest and terribly vulnerable. He was terrified.

Alec dropped the picture and made his way through the maze right to Magnus, cupping his cheeks and kissing him with searing passion. Magnus answered enthusiastically, kissing him back with a surprised sound. They melted into each other.

It was a kiss unlike any Alec had known before. It was like all the people he had kissed before vanished in the second his lips met Magnus’s. Nothing else mattered and the world slowed down to a stop to watch these two men find love in each other’s bones. There was no need to fill the spaces with words anymore. Alec understood. It was written clear as day in the poems and woven in each painstaking thread Magnus had stuck to his ceiling. It was in his eyes and in the kiss.

When they finally pulled apart, Alec rested his forehead against Magnus’s, breathing hard.

“I love you too,” he answered.

“Say that again after you lose your security deposit for the apartment.”

Alec eyed him, confused.

“The ceiling,” Magnus murmured, lamely.

Alec laughed despite himself and kissed Magnus again, putting his lips to better use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christopher Poindexter, UA Fanthrope, Harold Pinter, Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Walt Whitman, Elizabeth Barret Browning, Sappho, Celine Dion, Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Hozier.
> 
> These are all the poets and lyricists. Not in order, unfortunately. I'm sorry. I can put them in order if someone is looking for that.
> 
> I really really hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I loved writing it. This has been my first complete long project. I have half a mind to expand it and turn it into a novel. I'm thinking I'll depend on the comments and kudos to make that decision.
> 
> Um, I really love these characters. They have helped me a lot through dark times and I hope I've been able to carry them through whatever shit I put them in. But I promise that they're loved. 
> 
> Thanks for all your love. <3


	30. Epilogue: Brighter Than Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus throws a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from the song by Aqualung.

There weren’t a lot of apologies involved in the two months that Alec and Magnus spent learning each other. They learnt the extent of their love, the extent of their family’s discomfort when they were overtly affectionate, the extent of their skin and the extent of their pleasure. They decided to replace the want of lost time with an expression of love and warmth rather than apologies. It felt fitting. They had never really drifted apart from each other.

Of course, Magnus was into grand gestures and so he threw a party when Alec decided he would just move in with Magnus instead of borrowing his shirts that never seemed to be the right size for his long arms.

Castiel was surprised when Dean and he were invited for the party, but he decided it had been a long time since he wanted to call Dean his ‘date’. So, they went.

“Castiel!” Alec called out as soon as they made their way inside. Alec engulfed him in a hug and grinned at him. “I’m so glad you joined us.”

Castiel smiled warmly at him. “Alec, this is Dean. Dean, this is Alec.”

“Holy shit, you’re hot,” Alec commented, shaking hands with Dean.

Right on cue, Magnus appeared on Alec’s side. “Forgive my boyfriend. He’s drunk. Though, not a liar.” He grinned at his guests. “Welcome to our apartment.”

“It’s our apartment!” Alec announced, raising his arm and sloshing the drink inside it around.

Magnus laughed as the party cheered, with Jace being the loudest. “Please make yourself at home,” he told Castiel, leading Alec away to meet more guests.

Castiel turned to Dean and took his hand. “Drinks?”

Dean nodded, seeming overwhelmed and followed Castiel to the bar, who got them a beer and a glass of red wine. Dean wrinkled his nose at the wine but accepted the beer with a grin.

“He seems nice,” Dean commented, eyes following Alec around the room. He was the tallest among the group.

“He is.” Castiel spun to face him, grinning evilly. “Is the great Dean Winchester jealous?”

He scoffed in response but didn’t add any words to it.

Castiel softened and took his hand in his again, entwining their fingers. “I love you,” he murmured, kissing Dean’s cheek.

Dean smiled into the rim of his beer but maintained his silence.

“Doctor Novak!” Isabelle practically screamed, running over to them with Jace, Clary and Simon in tow. “You know these people.” She waved at them vaguely.

“Hey!” Castiel answered, hugging them in greeting. “This is Dean.”

Dean smiled and shared pleasantries. But his eyes were set on Jace who was staring back intently.

“Which member asked Jimmy Page if he could join Led Zeppelin?” Jace asked as if in a rapid-fire format.

“John Paul Jones,” Dean answered, confidently.

Their stare was intense till they both broke into grins, wandering off chatting about music and bands.

Clary sighed after them. “Guess we’ve lost them for the night,” she told Castiel with a grin.

Castiel grinned back but couldn’t take his eyes off Dean talking to Jace. He appeared enthused. It was such a beautiful look on the man.

Everyone finally drifted away to talk to other guests and Castiel found himself alone on the balcony of the apartment. It was a gorgeous view of the city, filling him with peace. He heard someone come outside. He smiled to see that it was Alec. His eyes were more focused now.

“I’m sober- _er_ ,” he proclaimed, leaning heavily against the balcony, back to the view but face swivelled to observe Castiel.

“Good to know.”

“How’re you?”

“I’m good. Really good.”

“With Dean?” Alec enquired, inclining his head towards the man who was visible from the window, still chatting away with Jace.

“Yes… I mean, we still haven’t made it official.”

Alec hummed but didn’t say anything for a few moments. “He seems to be getting along with my brother.”

“Like a house on fire,” Castiel replied, laughing softly.

They fell quiet, enjoying the peace of the moment and the night outside the party. The music raged on inside with chatter following them out into the balcony but there was something magical about standing outside and looking in. It didn’t feel like they didn’t belong. It felt like they could capture the beauty forever in their minds just to go back in and become a part of the collage.

“He makes you happy.” Alec set his eyes on Castiel, observing his expression.

Castiel looked over at him, surprised. He turned to mirror Alec’s pose. “He does. As Magnus does you.”

“Yes.”

They smiled at each other.

“I’m so glad I met you.”

Castiel chuckled and nodded. “Me too.”

 

It was much later in the night that Castiel found himself a captive of a very unrelenting Alec. He had his arms wrapped around Castiel on the couch, one leg draped over his lap keeping him in place. Over the course of the last time Castiel had seen him, he had gotten drunker – much more than before. Alec was now regaling him with stories about Magnus and him. He kept telling him about how much he loved Magnus and the various reasons why that was true. Castiel couldn’t do much more than smile at him, nodding. Drunk Alec was adorable and very difficult to say no to.

Magnus found them and it didn’t take him long to take Castiel’s place, leaving him free to find Dean. He thanked Magnus and hugged Alec one last time before looking for Dean. He found the man on the balcony, much in the same position as him before.

“I can recognize you from the way you walk,” Dean greeted him, not turning around.

When Castiel stood beside him, he smiled at him. Castiel shared the warmth, knocking their shoulders together. He was pensive.

“What’s up?” Dean queried, taking a sip of his beer.

“I know we’re taking it slow and I know we’ve been doing that because of me.” Castiel finally met Dean’s eyes. “But I was just with Alec-“

“I saw. Cosy.”

Castiel cupped his cheek. “Listen to me.” His eyes burned into Dean’s. “He told me the million little ways in which he loves Magnus. And I realized that I have a million more for you. I love you, Dean. And I’m tired of making you wait. I’m sorry.” He stroked his thumb on the side of Dean’s eyes. “I want to be yours. Facebook-status-update real.”

Dean broke into a blinding grin and kissed Castiel, his beer forgotten on the ledge. “I love you too, you doofus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Last chapter.
> 
> I can't believe that I finished it and I can't believe that I've posted it all. I'm a bit emotional. I followed the story while writing and then I followed it through comments. It's been amazing. I hope you guys enjoyed the story. I really do. I know I did. Thank you so much for taking the time. I'm working on more stories.
> 
> Come on Tumblr: spideypoolmymoonandstars and send me prompts, I'd love to write for people.
> 
> Thanks, guys. I love you. <3


End file.
